Wednesday, December 31, 2008
The last of 2008 and a new year, new me
How many New Year's resolutions have I gone into with high hopes, promises to myself, and good intent to get this weight off? More than I can count. And then I am reminded about how many times, by March, I was so over that. I'm not sure why, but New Year's resolutions rarely stick.
Well, this year is so different, and by December 31 of 2009, I will be looking back with pride and excitement because of my band. Granted, I will have to do the work too, but I know with my band I will not fail this time. Fifteen years of broken resolutions and feeling horrible about myself, hating how weak I was, not being able to look at myself in the mirror, clothes that were only for covering the body rather than for the enjoyment of the outfit, shortness of breath over the smallest movements, inability to do something as simple as tying my shoes, being self-conscious during sex, feeling invisible... it goes on and on.
This year, 2009, is my year. It's my year of taking my life back from the fat, from the lack of control, from this prison. I am so excited I can't even express how I feel. I see how so many other banders have done and I know I will join those ranks this year -- and I want to cry from the sheer enjoyment of that knowledge.
I'll look FINE in 2009. :)