Stress on top of stress and... relief?

Wow, I just realized it's been two weeks since I've posted!  I'm in mid-term mode, and it's ugly.  Very ugly.  I'm already behind about six chapters of reading due to all the papers I've been doing.  It's insane.

To boot, today is my 16th anniversary.  Good news, right?  Yeah, not so much.  He and I have had issues most of our marriage, and last night we had "The Talk," and it's sounding like we both give up.  I know I've had about all I can take, that's for sure.  And though I'm melancholy about it, I'm not as sad as one would think.  I really REALLY need to have less stress in my life, and being with him seems to cause me more than my fair share.

I have to say, though, I had a good session with Heather the other day.  This was in the midst of some of the crap I'm talking about, and by then I had sent the spousal unit a pretty scathing letter a few days prior, outlining the things I couldn't tolerate about his behavior anymore.  It wasn't nice, but it was honest.  I thought she was going to shake her head at me and tsk tsk, but she actually commended me and directed my attention to the fact that, instead of turning to food during this stressful time, I've been working out harder and longer, I vented in the letter, and I've been doing things to get it out rather than shoving it in.

So... I don't know where things go from here.  I'm a full-time student with no income, and I guess I need to figure something out.  The ironic thing is that a staffing agency I had been working with prior to going to school full-time called me out of the blue yesterday morning (before "The Talk") and wanted to see if they could present me for a position.  I told her that I'm still in school full-time, but we figured that since my last day is December 16 and it's nearly November, the hiring process can take a few weeks, and employers typically expect somebody to put in two weeks' notice, it may just work out.  I said, eh, what the hell?  Maybe it was an omen or a hint of things to come.

Cardio vs. Fat Burning modes -- good information to know

I've been thinking as I've been working out on the machines at the gym -- I've wondered what the benefits are of these two modes, cardio and fat burning.  I've found some differing opinions, but this was written by a doctor (found on a message board but credited to a Precor site) and explains how you may benefit from a lower-intensity workout (especially if you are, like me, trying to lose weight).  Here is the question that was asked and what she said:

Q. We have several workout machines in our office and I want to use them, but I'm confused about the different heart rate zones. What zone should I be training in to lose weight?

A. This is a great question that many people ask. It is important to realize that the body has two different fuels it converts to energy: carbohydrates and fats. The body burns these fuels in different proportions depending on your fitness and the intensity of your workout. Your body stores fewer carbohydrates than fat, yet it accesses the carbohydrates more easily. So the goal is to make your body more efficient at burning the stored fat while sparing the carbohydrates. Working out at higher heart rates [70 to 85 percent] will burn more carbohydrate calories in the short term, but it is working out in the lower zones [60 to 70 percent] that trains your body to become efficient at fat burning. In turn, this improves your endurance and aerobic fitness, eventually leading to a faster metabolic rate during exercise. This means that over time, you can burn as many calories at a low intensity as you were previously burning at a high intensity. With proper training this can happen in as little as three to six months.

Therefore, the best intensity for weight loss is one that seems 'fairly light' to 'somewhat hard'. Often people who cannot lose weight, or who even gain weight despite high intensity exercise and restrictive dieting, find success through a combination of slowing down their exercise, and improving the quality of their diet. This approach is not only more effective, but it's more fun and easier to stick to long-term!
-- Emily Cooper, M.D.


I sometimes tend to find it hard, actually, to keep my heart rate low enough to be in the fat-burning zone.  I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I haven't exercised consistently or long enough for my heart to be strong enough to beat at a slower rate when exercise is introduced, but I have noticed in the past that it only takes a few weeks of moderate exercise about four times a week (or more) for my heart to respond accordingly.  I had times when I was younger and more fit that it was hard to get it up into the cardio zone.
 
So for a while now, I will work at getting and keeping myself in the fat-burning zone (since I have SO much to burn) and see how I feel about it.

Little quiches for breakfast (or whenever)

I got this idea the other day about making things for breakfast (which, though I might do a shake, I don't EAT because I'm not usually very hungry).  I know now this is not a brainstorm of my own since others have said they've found recipes online.  But here's how I fixed mine (realizing you can add or subtract anything you want to them).

I minced up some onion, mushroom, grape tomatoes, garlic, then chopped baby spinach, hand-stirred them up in a bowl, then I got out some muffin tins, sprayed them with olive oil, and put some of the veggie mixture into the bottom.  I then put a small dollop of sour cream in each one, filled with egg beaters, topped with shredded parmesan cheese, and put in a 350 oven for 15 minutes, then turned it down to 300 for another 15 minutes.

Whoa, nellie, they're GOOD!

I might one day try to make them more like a quiche (which has a crust) and use something like a philo dough or something to line the pan with.

I've been kicking my own ass -- and loving it!

I wanted to post this yesterday because I was SO excited, but I had a terribly busy day and was still going over a term paper up until 2:00 am.

Anyway, yesterday I did the gym and while I was on the treadmill, I did one three-minute schleppy-run for three solid minutes!  Prior to that I did one run for two minutes, and then later did another one for nearly two minutes.  But THREE minutes!  I've never run that long at one spell before.  I know it's the most pathetic little accomplishment ever, but I felt very proud.  :)

Today I had classes again, so I went to the gym early.  The thing is, I don't have my first class until 3:00, and last week I left the house around 12:30, in order to get there about 1:30 and work out until about 2:45 or so before I start changing clothes and walk across campus to class.

Well, today I left at 11:30 and never thought about it until I was halfway to school.  I was like, OH CRAP, then figured, meh, that just means I can work out for over TWO hours.  Which I did.

I did 30 minutes on the elliptical, then 30 minutes on the treadmill (tried jogging again but only did about a 90 seconds because my knees are a bit sore and stiff, so I increased the incline pretty high), then did 45 minutes lower body weight training (yesterday was upper body), then back to the cardio for 30 minutes on the recumbant bike.  I checked my GoWear Fit and I did 800 calories during that time between 12:30 and 3:00!!  Feels GOOD!

I'm not trying anymore

I was working out the other day and was watching Dr. Oz while I was on the elliptical.  I didn't have headphones, but closed captioning was on.  There was a very overweight woman on there, and he was obviously talking to her about her health, her weight, etc.  She had done some modeling shots when she was 15 years younger (and SHE said a size 16 or 18, though I have to say she looked smaller than that), and she was lovely.  Simply lovely.  I looked at her, miserable, sad, a shadow of her former self, and it was heartbreaking.  I found myself saying, "Wow, 375.  That's 125 more than I weigh right now," and I hate to admit it, but I was relieved in a way.  I'm sad to say that out loud, but it IS what I was thinking.

Oz had a therapist woman in his audience, and I somewhat read the exchange between her and this poor woman.  And I recognized it as something I've heard before.  The therapist was telling her what she needed to start doing to get things under control (the woman is borderline diabetic now), and the woman said, "Yes, I can try that."  The therapist essentially said that that to say, "I'll try," you might as well say you won't do it because TRYING leaves open the optionn of failing.  If we say we will DO something, then that is an action word we can get behind.  Trying doesn't really mean anything.  If we "try" and then have an off day or don't want to exercise, don't want to eat well, don't want to drink our water, we can simply let ourselves off the hook by saying, "Well, I tried."

So... I have decided that I'm not trying anymore.  I'm doing or not doing, but trying is off the table.

Okay, no fair

Okay, I realize that when you work out, especially weight training, you can gain weight.  I get it.  I don't LIKE it, but I get it.  But damn, when you work your butt off and exercise, the last thing you want to see is a gain of two pounds on the scale for the next couple days.  How defeating.  :(

I keep trying to look up how to combat that.  Though I know some weight gain (or lack of weight loss) can come about due to muscle weighing more, since I've just worked out within the last few days, it's more likely a fluid retention issue.  How one goes about keeping that from happening, though, I have no idea.

For once, Costco is my friend

I can't believe it!  Just ran to Costco for some of their spring mix salad (which then turned into a meat run, edamame [frozen and dried for snacks], and veggies), and while I was there, I saw that they had a bunch of coats out on their tables for sale.  I found one I liked and though, what the heck, I'll try the extra large and just see.  A teeny bit snug, but it fit!!  So did a few others I tried on!  I can finally FINALLY buy something "normal" from off the rack!  All my other coats are anywhere from 2X to 3X and waaay too big.  I don't want to buy much like this because it's seasonal, but I would like ONE thing I wear this winter to not be humongous.

I'm SO glad you're looking out for MY best interest...

I stood up for myself, but I'm SO tired of it being an issue.

Hubby wanted Chinese tonight.  Not just Chinese, but a really great place here in town makes some fantastic ribs.  However, in the past I would accommodate him and order the General Tsao's chicken because he likes both, and that way he could HAVE both.  For those who might not know how General Tsao's is prepared, it's chicken that's deep fried with a lotus flour batter.  This place's is especially thick and crunchy -- and good.

Well... he orders his ribs, and then he's asking me what I'm getting.  I figured I'd try something different, so I tossed out a couple possibilities, leaning towards their pad thai (which I had never had before).  He kinda curls his lip and says, "Really?  You're getting that?"  I said yes, that I wanted to try something different, to which he said, "Their General Tsao's really good..."  I ignored him the first time.  By the time he said it the THIRD time, my response was, "Wow, I'm SO glad you're looking out for my best interest."  To which, of course, I get the, "What??  It's just really good.  I can't believe you're doing noodles.

Well, damnit, if that's what I want, then that's what I'm getting.  No longer am I going out to eat to give him everything HE wants.

Even my friend today, who's never said it before, essentially blamed my husband for my weight gain.  Granted, she's never known me thin (this is foody friend wife, and we've only known them since 2006), but I was very surprised to hear her say that.  I corrected her and said it was really my fault, but she re-corrected me and said, "Yeah, but he had a lot to do with it, with his obsession with food and wanting to eat out all the time."  Imagine that, coming from her!  lol

Anyway, I stood my ground, he pouted, and the pad thai wasn't all that good anyway.  But... it was MY choice.  Damnit.

Did three hours' worth today!

Workout, that is.

I did the first hour and 45 minutes this morning on the stationary bike while I did my textbook reading, and then I went to school early and headed right to the gym and did another hour and 15 minute workout there.

And now I hurt.  Gonna be hard getting out of bed tomorrow.  But YAY, I did it!  :)