Weight Loss Tracker

Saturday, February 28, 2009

We paid for a STUDY to tell us this??

Cutting calories key to weight loss: study

Eating heart-healthy, low-calorie foods and exercising is the key to losing weight regardless of levels of protein, fat or carbohydrates, a new study has found.

The research, funded by the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (NHLBI) of the National Institutes of Health, seems to argue against blanket use of diets that do not necessarily limit calories but call for eating certain foods such as vegetables or proteins, at the expense of others.

The NIH study of 811 volunteers, 38 percent of them men and 62 percent women, aged 30-70 and either overweight or obese, looked at diets that have been popular in the United States in recent years, even as the number of obese Americans has soared.

The "Preventing Overweight Using Novel Dietary Strategies (POUNDS LOST) study found similar weight loss after six months and two years among participants assigned to four diets that differed in their proportions of these three major nutrients," said researchers.

"The diets were low or high in total fat (20 or 40 percent of calories) with average or high protein (15 or 25 percent of calories). Carbohydrate content ranged from 35 to 65 percent of calories.

"The diets all used the same calorie reduction goals and were heart-healthy low in saturated fat and cholesterol while high in dietary fibre," said researchers, whose study is published Thursday in the New England Journal of Medicine.

Participants lost an average 13 pounds (5.9 kilos) at six months and maintained a nine-pound (four-kilo) loss at two years.

"These results show that, as long as people follow a heart-healthy, reduced-calorie diet, there is more than one nutritional approach to achieving and maintaining a healthy weight," said Dr. Elizabeth Nabel, director at NHLBI.

"This provides people who need to lose weight with the flexibility to choose an approach that they're most likely to sustain: one that is most suited to their personal preferences and health needs," she stressed.

Sixty-six percent of US adults are overweight and of those, 32 percent are obese, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data show.


Emotional eating rears its ugly head

I've had a sucky week. Long story short, I applied for a supervisor position at work and, rather than hiring from within (there were two of us who applied), they decided they needed "new blood" and hired from elsewhere. Needless to say, this is not a happy face.

Soooo... my new boss started on Monday; and though she seems very nice, I'm not putting myself out there very much. Just kinda keeping things close to the vest, I guess.

Thursday there was a taping at work to give to people, and I ended up being in it. We had food for people, but I didn't partake in any of that. Instead, I went with my coworker to have Chinese (never a good choice). Later on, there were leftover cookies in the lunchroom, and I partook of them (something I haven't done since I got banded). I think when it was all said and done, I had three -- one chocolate chip and two oatmeal raisin. Ugh. That little voice was there, telling me not to, but I squashed it like a bug. Bad idea.

Then yesterday we had a staff meeting, and one of the ladies made cupcakes because it was one lady's last day. I had two. :(

I'm not going to do as I have in the past and beat myself up, but I recognized it for what it was. I've been snappish at home (poor hubby) and disenchanted with work, and I could TELL that it was emotional in nature. To top it off, for some reason this third fill has not really quenched much or any of my hunger. I feel as hungry between meals as I did after my second. There is still willpower involved here, and two days this week I lost that battle.

I know I could have done MUCH worse, and I'm glad I didn't... at least there was a smidgen of willpower there. From my lowest, the second day of liquids after my third fill, I had gone up 6 1/2 pounds. All of that was gained before the cookies and cupcakes. I had done a dinner party last weekend, and I know that certainly contributed. However, as of this morning, three of those pounds are gone, so I don't fee quite so desolate.

The other issue is, I've been really slacking on exercise the last two weeks. I think it's partially because of the job thing, but that's not a good excuse. I know what I need to do, but I've been in a slump. I've just kinda been feeling blah. I don't want to go to work, don't want to be there when I am there, and I've just been feeling tired. I know it's a form of mild depression, and I also know one way to help get out of that is to exercise. This is my promise to myself that starting today, I will put on a better attitude and put myself FIRST again. I'm worth it.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I'm wondering if this is normal

Tonight I ate dinner, and though I have had my third fill, I ate pretty big. Not huge, but big for somebody with three fills compared to some others on LBT that say they feel restriction.

Some days I do okay, but tonight I was hungry, and frankly, even after eating I wasn't NOT hungry.

However, I can feel some food (even now, nearly five hours after dinner) at the back of my throat. So food is there, but I don't feel full. Is this normal? I guess I should call my doc. I worry about stretching my pouch because I don't "feel full" as I should. I don't know if that's the typical way that happens, but I don't know why some days like today I'm starving and not feeling satisfied but can still feel food at the back of my throat/opening to my stoma.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Remember my foodie friends?


They came over for dinner last night to have left-over moussaka. It had been a little while since we had seen them, and it was pretty much the first time we had all four been together since before Christmas since we finally exchanged Christmas gifts last night.

Anyway, the wife noticed the shirt I was wearing was a tee they had gotten me from a motorcycle shop that has my motorcycle on the back -- same color and all. I think it is an XL, which was pretty small on me when I first got it. I would put it on, but I had to do that tee-shirt pull, you know, to stretch it out and make it not FEEL so tight against my gut? Yeah, you get the picture.

So all that is to say she said something about how well it fit, and I said, "Yeah, well I've lost 40 pounds since November." She said how great that was. I let her know that that was the primary reason I have been turning down so many of their offers to go out to eat, because we just aren't doing it very much at all these days. Sure, I understand, she said.

So today I get an e-mail:

"For u. You are looking great. Thanks for dinner last night."

What was "for me"? A forwarded message she got:

Subject: FREE Toppings from your local Papa John's - Goals for Toppings!


I think I almost PBed the other night

I got together with some people on Saturday for a bring-a-dish Greek night. I made moussaka (the main dish) and other people brought other Greek-inspired foods. Great fun, met nice new people, and great food.

Anyway, I had a couple glasses of wine before dinner (nothing at all like last time we did our get-together), but because I had a virtually empty stomach, I guess it got to me a bit quicker. Anyway, that wasn't the issue. I find I STILL have a problem taking it slow when eating with guests or in a party atmosphere. I don't necessarily inhale my food -- never really did -- but I have not fully trained myself to eat sloooowly at all times.

Anyway, I felt this stuck feeling, and it was making me feel woozy. I remember I had to sit there for a minute and stop eating, hoping it would all go down. A couple people there know I have the band, but it's not common knowledge. I was afraid I was going to have a problem that I didn't know how to deal with -- and in front of company.

Okay, so I hafta remember the number one Commandment of Bandsters -- CHEW, CHEW, CHEW!!!

Friday, February 20, 2009

What is it with some people?

I went to WalMart Thursday night. I was looking for a parking space, and started down an aisle where I saw a spot about four car spaces from teh front. As I was heading down, another vehicle was heading up. I slowed because I thought maybe she was goint to take it. However, she passed it, so I moved alongside her and put on my blinker to turn left into the spot. In the meantime, though, she had stopped, and then I saw reverse lights. The weird thing, though, was that she just sat there for about 10 seconds and didn't back up, so there we both were. She moved forward, so I went behind her and turned into the spot.

Anyway, I go into the store, and when I came back out, there was a note under my wiper that said, "Maybe you should park farther from the store. You might lose a few pounds." Nice.

I guess I took the spot she was going to take, but frankly I couldn't read her mind. But the note... well, I guess I'm lucky I didn't get keyed, but still...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Lunch today

Wow, finally some restriction.

I'm still on mushies and took something to eat for lunch, but my friend and I went to lunch across the street instead.

I got a bowl of their spicy tomato soup and asked for a side of mashed potatoes. I only ate half the soup and about 4-5 bites of the potatoes. Granted, I had a piece of bread too, but wow, I never thought I would fill up on so little. Ever!

Tomorrow starts "real" food. Guess we'll see how it goes.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

A friend in the lap-band community needs prayers

I will not mention who, but she is one of the finest people I have met in lap-band land. I have become aware of some issues she and her family are facing, and I ask that whoever is so inclined, to please pray for them and their situation. I know God can perform miracles and give guidance, and I ask that we lift them up at this time.

Finally hit a new low

As of this morning, I am down four pounds since my Monday fill!! That brings my total to 41.5 pounds, which, you got it, is a large bag of dog food (plus some)!!

I couldn't believe it when I saw the scale this morning. My jaw dropped, and I said out loud, "NO WAY!!" I am now in my 240s as well.

Granted, I've been starving since Monday because I could only do liquids the last two days (on mushies today and tomorrow), but it was sooo worth it now.

I *heart* my band. However, I also realize MY hard work as well. I *heart* my hard work!! :)

Monday, February 16, 2009

Third fill

...again, none too soon.

My second fill lasted pretty well for the first couple weeks. I was originally scheduled to have my third fill last Thursday (the 12th) but couldn't do it because of work. So I bumped it to today since I was off for President's Day.

I don't ask how much is in because I don't really care. I'm a bit curious, but it is what it is, and frankly I'm not comparing myself to anybody else anyway.

I'm hoping to feel some real restriction about now. I felt a tad at lunch (went out with ColoradoChick and her daughter, who was getting her first fill. Being that I'm on liquids today and tomorrow and then mushies for the next two days, I'm not expecting to notice a whole lot. I'm hungry now, but I expect to be. By this weekend I am "hosting" a Greek dinner party (I put that in quotes because though I will be making the main course, my house isn't big enough to house all the people who RSVPed). So I guess that will be my real test.

My next fill is scheduled for March 12, unless I feel I need one before then.

The good news is I am down 37 pounds (37.5 by my scales, but heck, I'll take it). They are very happy with my progress, and I told them by the end of this week, I could be down an entire bag of dog food. LOL I was in Weight Watchers years ago and a lady brought in a large 40-pound bag of dog food to show how much she had lost. When you see it THAT way -- and carry that stuff on your shoulder -- you see how much that weighs. So anytime here in the near future I will be crowing about having lost a bag of dog food. :)

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Is it hormonal??

I remember some people talking about how a we lose a lot of weight, hormones are released and we can become... edgy.

Here lately I have just been off. Edgy. Crabby. Reactionary. I don't know if it's outside issues (work, economy, news) or if it's my weight loss... or just me.

I usually don't feel like this for anything more than a day or so, and usually in reaction to some outside stimulus. For at least a week, though, I have been feeling like a rubber band wound too tight.

I don't know if this is normal as we lose a lot of weight (not that I've lost a "lot" yet), or if I just need to recheck myself and figure out what it is. I don't like this one bit.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Self Sabotage- Are you guilty?

Another excellent article from LBT. Because in the past when dieting I have eventually sabotaged myself, I am trying as best I can to focus on these things.

I hear this from my clients all the time, they are "Self Sabotaging" themselves and don't know why. I know I was guilty of doing this in year two and didn’t even realize I was doing it. For me I fell into a comfort zone, I liked the new clothes I was wearing, my new found self assured attitude, and my life focus had shifted. I believe we all have different reasons as to why we sabotage our weight loss efforts. Being successful brings a whole new “Spotlight” on us and that scares the hell out of us. With success brings responsibility, commitment, and life change. Who wants to take all of that on, I know I didn’t. Or we are afraid of the new found attention we are going to receive; attention from the opposite sex, our boss will have higher expectations from us, our friends and family want more from us.

We can make excuses all day long as to why we do what we do, bottom line is you signed up for a “Life Changing” surgery. Are you going to continue to make excuses or are you going to embrace the life you signed up for and commit to the change?

If you want to continue to make excuses then I’m sure you have heard the old saying “If you continue to do what you have always done, expect to receive the same results”. Nothing is going to change until you are ready to change.

If you have agreed to commit to change then there are some things you can start doing today to help ensure you achieve success like never before.

1. Pre-Surgery- Remember back to your pre-surgery week, you were ready to take on the world. Bring that sense of excitement back into your life and watch yourself soar.

2. Remove unrealistic goals- Dr. Vuong says it best “Don’t commit to run the Boston Marathon if you don’t even own a pair of running shoes” You don’t have to take on the world in a day. Set realistic goals for yourself, write those goals down and follow through.

3. The Buddy System- Let others help you; you don’t have to take this journey alone. We need to be accountable to someone, find someone who is taking the same journey you are. Commit your goals to them and allow them to do the same. When we have others accountable to us, it’s so much easier to be accountable to ourselves.

4. Food- Create a food diary and keep track what you are eating. Dr. Terry Simpson has a great tip: Using your cell phone take pictures of everything you eat throughout the day, take a picture of your meal before you eat it then another after your done. This will give you clarity as to what you are really consuming throughout the day.

5. Exercise- If you have not already committed to an exercise program, and then you are not going to achieve the results you want from your “WLS” journey. Find something you love and yes I mean love. If you choose an exercise program you dread, guess what is going to happen, you are going to make excuses as to why you can’t do it. By finding something you love you will be excited to do it.

6. Self Care- We always want to take care of everyone else first, we always put ourselves on the back burner. Honestly would you treat your children, friends and family the way you treat yourself? I’m guessing no. We want to give our best to our children, friends and family. But guess what by placing ourselves on the back burner we are not giving them our best. Take some time to enjoy the things you like to do. Go to the movies with your girlfriends, go play a round of golf, reconnect with an old hobby, just find something that gives back to you.

7. Purge the negative- If you have something or someone who is bringing negative energy into your life; purge it. We have so much going on in our lives we don’t need any negative outsiders bringing us down. Negativity just drains you and sucks up your energy, make a decision it’s going to stop.

8. Celebrate the positive- Look at all you have accomplished to date. You have made changes, you’ve lost weight, went down a size or two or three. Remember how good you felt when you accomplished small milestones; think how good you are going to feel when you accomplish big milestones.

9. Follow up- If it has been a while since you have seen your surgeon, make an appointment. Don’t give me the excuse he/she is going to yell at you because you have gained weight. Go in with the mind set you are coming clean and you are ready to commit to the process. Your surgeon works for you, you are paying them to “Care” for you so go get the care you need.

10. Coaching- If you still think this overwhelming contact me to set up a complimentary coaching session. I know it can be overwhelming; but with a game plan in place you can turn this around. I can help you find out what is blocking you from the success you need and deserve.


How to prevent your inner perfectionist from sabotaging your weight loss

I copied this from the LBT site because it REALLY speaks to me:

Nothing will sabotage a perfectly good weight loss plan faster than an inner perfectionist who expects you to get everything "right," one hundred percent of the time and leaves you feeling like a failure when you (inevitably) don't.

If you struggle with an inner perfectionist, here are five strategies for moving it out of your way.

1. Separate yourself from your perfectionist. YOU are not your perfectionist. However, if you’ve been applying all-or-nothing standards for a long time, you might feel like you are. Spend some time stepping back and observing your behavior. Get familiar with the perfectionistic thinking. Notice where it comes up and what the consequences are when it does.

2. Label it. Start thinking about “that unhelpful inner perfectionist” or whatever name you want to give this way of thinking that gets in your way. Acknowledge it to yourself whenever you see it—“there goes that unhelpful perfectionistic thinking again.” This is different than “I’M doing it again.” Remind yourself of tip number one. Your inner perfectionist is an it and is NOT you. It’s simply a way of thinking–which you can change.

3. Make a list of all the ways that your inner perfectionist is not helpful or the examples of how your perfectionist has made or can make things worse. Don’t forget to include the guilt and shame that usually comes with listening to an inner perfectionist (because we never measure up).

4. Create an alternate mantra. Come up with a short, sweet message that you can use when the perfectionistic thinking chimes in with “you screwed up” or “you failed” or “now you blew it.” This must be a message you believe to be true. It may be as simple as “nobody’s perfect” or “trying to be perfect is not helpful to me.”

5. Give yourself permission to encounter your perfectionist over and over. Don’t fall into a trap of expecting to be perfect in vanquishing your inner perfectionist. You’ll have success—sometimes—and sometimes you won’t feel so successful. But over time and practice, it gets easier. Really.

{Melissa McCreery, PhD is the founder of Enduring Change Coaching and creator of the Emotional Eating Toolbox ™ 28 Day Program and the Weight Loss Winner's Circle. Get free information, tips, and strategies for taking control of emotional eating at http://www.emotionaleatingsolutions.com.)


"Are you losing weight?"

Omg, I heard that from a coworker today! Had a crappy couple days at work, and then I heard that. That'll life ANYbody's spirits, no??

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Exercise to lift your spirits

I came home in a funk today. I'm trying to figure out some direction in my career, and I apparently applied to a "ghost job" the other day. Long story short, I think the IT guys who do our intranet posted an old job posting which I applied to, and then I get a call wondering what I was applying for. The supervisor job, I say. What supervisor job, she asks. After some back and forth, she must think I've lost my marbles or applied for the wrong area, but I finally realized, when she said the lady whose attention I sent it to hasn't worked there in some time, that I DID see what I thought I did. Okay, that's the background. My hopes of a supervisor job came crashing down, and it really hit hard.

I came home and just wanted to sit and veg on the computer while in front of the tv. The old me said, "Eh, just skip it tonight." Luckily sense won out and I said no, I promised myself that I will work out on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and do something on both weekend days. Four days a week, an hour (or more) on those days, for me. There's 168 hours in a week, and we're only talking four here.

I gotta say I feel better after having done it. I reminded myself something that I read in the Emotional First Aid Kit book that I got about positive thinking and how what we think will determine how or what we do. Not only did I work out (while watching Biggest Loser, to boot), but I worked out hard. Took out my frustrations, you might say.

Glad I did it. :)

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I'm starting to feel mocked now

I know I've been raking on DH a bit here, and usually he's a decent guy, but I don't know exactly what's happening here lately. It's either time for a sit-down or to really get this before a counselor to make it a bit more neutral because, frankly, I don't believe he'll see what he's doing.

Since the "coming to Jesus" talk we had (okay, I had with him) a couple weeks ago, on more than one occasion he has made some bizarre comment when I've complimented him after making dinner. I'll say, "Oh, the chicken was good," and he'll reply, "Nah, it's okay. It's just food." The first time I asked what he was talking about and he said he needed to look at food as just sustenance and nothing else. Um, that's NOT what I said. What I said was that he lives to eat and makes everything about the food.

So that's been going on a few times since that day.

Tonight I said that he needs to stop it, to which he replied that he was only being supportive. I said no, what I feel like he's being is mocking, like he really doesn't get this whole thing I'm going through. I said that it's not bad to enjoy what we eat, it's just that he was so consumed with the act of eating that it was wharped. I said that I wished he was as into me as he is into food, and he thought I was being silly. Uh-huh... *eye roll*

Another thing that just started on Friday is that I'm getting a blow-by-blow synopsis of the weight HE has lost by virtually doing nothing. I'm exercising four days a week and eating good meals, every meal, and he's lost over 20 freakin pounds by just not eating all the junk after dinner -- in front of me. And again, he attributes it to "supporting me" -- almost like, "Look how I'm suffering for you because I'm losing weight too." Okay, he's lost almost as much as I have, and now I feel like he's crowing about it (his weight has NEVER been discussed before).

The problem with DH is, even if I try to discuss it with him, he is totally lacking in personality or person skills (read: he's very immature). He is not always good with other people, and he seems to lack the ability to understand anything or anyone beyond the end of his nose. Compassion is virtually nil. As Jennifer Aniston would say, there's a sensitivity chip missing sometimes. So when you explain something to him that he's doing, he only knows how to deny. Comprehension doesn't seem to be his strong suit -- especially when it comes from me, unfortunately.

I always knew he was going to be the hardest part of this journey, but I guess I never realized just how hard. In the past when I was just dieting, he eventually got his way and we'd start back to eating out again, leading to my weight gain. I'm not blaming him, per se, but still -- if I was doing this only own, I'd have done lost it by now, I feel. But now it's as if he's pulling out all the stops. I dunno, maybe I'm just being sensitive or reading more into it than I should, but I'm not even three months into my journey and we've already had waaaay too many conversations over this.

I think that's why I spend so much time on LBT and here -- because these are the places I get support, these are the people that understand what I'm going through. I find it sad that I can get that from people I've never met, yet a man I've known 17 years is either so self-absorbed or so clueless that he doesn't get it.

Another great day, another great walk

Took the dogs the other direction today (all through woods and wilderness) and paid attention to the mile markers. We were gone two hours and did five miles! I feel bad for the little one (Maltese) as his legs are moving at least twice as fast as the big one's are, so he as quite a bit more walking to do. We just got in about five minutes ago, and he's virtually passed out on the floor. lol We'll get his chubby little self into shape too.

What IS it with the rags' obsession with female stars' weights???

Okay, so I admit I can be a rag junkie, though I have really gotten it down to one that is sent to my house. Every once in a while I will buy another one at the store if it looks interesting. I'm totally ashamed, but one addiction at a time, okay? :)

But what really gets me is this total shaming of starlets if they dare to gain five or 10 pounds! This week it's Jessica Simpson. Last year it was Jennifer Love Hewitt. They were splashed across every magazine you could think of, usually on the front page, AND in some cases they have been discussed on television to boot -- just to rub in the shame and reach those who maybe are smart enough not to buy this crap.

Jessica is 5'3", and they claim she is now *GASP* 135 pounds. *eye roll* My left breast is 135 pounds, so I guess I just can't see the uproar. I don't recall what they estimated Jennifer was, but they were all aghast at her larger tushie. And a few years ago the humiliation du jour was Kate Winslet for being "fat." Yet in this weeks rag, along with the story about Jessica, is a photo of Jack Black with his wife, who just had a baby and looks like she needs to eat a sandwich -- while HE looks to be 11 months pregnant. Not a word.

I mentioned this to DH last night, the unfairness of it all towards women, which then reaches our girls. He said that's because the women are selling their image. Uh, since when?? If she's an actress or a singer, isn't THAT what she's selling? WHY do we have to know every time she has put on five pounds? Why don't they do this to the guys?? When's the last time you saw Val Kilmer splashed all over the rags looking like the Pillsbury doughboy??

Granted, maybe once every couple years somebody like the Enquirer will do something showing all the guys that don't look so great -- Arnold Schwartzenegger, Jack Nicholson, and William Shatner (all older men, as you can see), but I feel these women are BULLIED into unsafe eating practices such as bulemia or anorexia. Have you seen how many of these girls are pin thin?? Who wants to be humiliated in front of the whole world by being called a fatty for being 130 pounds and a size 6?

I am really sick of the mentality of Americans. We must stay young, be thin, and be pretty otherwise our value is virtually nil. Guys, on the other hand, can be fat slobs like Jack Black and Val Kilmer and they get passes.

And don't even get me started on the movie Shallow Hal.

By the way, wtf is this all about??

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Took a fantastic walk

We had an early spring day (I'm not counting on it lasting) and took the dogs for a walk. They thought they were in heaven. It got up to 66 degrees, the sun was out, and it was just wonderful feeling outside. Hubby wanted me to ride my motorcycle with him, but I still felt it would be a bit too cool for that. Yes, I am a wussy fair-weather rider.

We have a wonderful thing here called the W&OD trail, a converted railway line that is now a black-topped walkway and National Park that goes from Alexandria to Purcellville, a distance of 45 miles! People ride bikes, walk, jog, rollerblade, and ride horses along it almost all year long. We are lucky enough to have part of it run right past our neighborhood. One direction takes me into town, and the other literally takes you into the back woods where you look like you are in the middle of nowhere (but in reality there are houses and people around).

Today I went towards town and was out for nearly an hour and a half. I wish ColoradoChick was here with me for somebody to talk to, but it was gorgeous even by myself.

Mini-goal, I suppose

My BMI has officially gone into the 30's, from a high of 45.3 to 39.9, bringing me down from morbidly to severely obese. YAY (if you can say YAY about being severely obese, lol)! I hope to celebrate these little things and not JUST focus on the scale's numbers.

Why do I EVEN have to explain this??

Hubby and I got to talking about our eating buddies, wondering if they would call tonight. I said that if they did, he can go but I will not. I only said yes last Friday because I've been saying no for weeks and didn't want them to feel slighted. I did, however, say last week that if I went, I was deciding where so that I could pick something healthy. He says that you can get something healthy anywhere you go, which of course I disagreed with.

He said even McDonald's and other fast food places, you can get salads. I told him that it's been shown that many of those fast-food salads are worse for you than if you just got the burger. He proceeded to argue with me and was essentially trying to justify/support/promote eating out, is how I took it. I finally stopped him and said that I was NOT going to argue about this, that eating out too often had been my downfall over and over in the past -- it starts out maybe once a week, and before I know it it is up to 3-4 times a week again. And I don't care how "careful" you are, when you eat out that often, you just canNOT get ahead. If HE wants to go with them, he is more than welcome, but my days doing this, for now, are over. I said, "If I was a recovering alcoholic, would you be taking me to bars???" Good Lord...

He still tried to continue the argument, but I said I was done. I will not have these people sabotaging me again!!! I said I obviously have to take a stand against this bullshit, and eating out has not been my friend in the past. This conversation is over. So I guess it is... over, that is... for now. *sigh*

I'm just really torn about this. Not torn as to what I need to do, but HOW do you get a foodie who does not have a weight issue to "get it"??? I feel like I could cry, it's so aggravating. I feel that he will little by little put his wants over my needs like he has in the past. Hell, he STILL has no-no foods here in the house, just hidden from me. I guess that's better than having them right there in the pantry, but GOD... Last night's dinner (his) was breakfast tacos from Anita's. Brought home. It never ends.

The scale FINALLY moved in my favor!

Omg, for nearly a week now I've been bobbling up and down 1/2 pound, to the point where I wanted to scream. The only thing that kept me sane as knowing I was doing everything right -- eating right, exercising, etc. -- and it wasn't me that was doing this.

The only other thing I've noticed is for just over a week now I have not been going to the bathroom regularly or... um... very productively. *blush*

Last Friday (a week ago) I had a sudden, unexpected bout of diarrhea. Not sick or anything, just that one day. Since then I haven't been regular, and when I do go, it's not much. So here I'm eating normally and not going -- so I guess I attributed the bobble to that.

I don't know what is causing it, but I'm eating TONS of veggies and some fruits -- lots of fiber. Maybe my system is just reacting to it, even though I've been eating like this for a few months now. But thankfully the scale went down 2 pounds for me as of this morning. I did the double fist pound thing in jubilation.

Hubby, otoh, seems to be enjoying HIS weight loss (without trying, mind you) and told me he weighed before and after his morning constitutional and went down 1/2 pound. I really hate him.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Okay, boys REALLY suck :(

DH said he lost another pound since yesterday. There's just something so wrong about this... :(

Boys suck

So DH and I were talking at dinner last night, and because he's been eating a tad bit less at dinner to help support me, he has lost about 20. freakin. pounds. Since my surgery date. Without even trying. Without even doing a sit-up. Or eating well (I find proof of his snacking -- like Famous Amos cookies -- when there's an empty box sitting on the counter for recycle). I can't believe it. Boys suck.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Biggest Loser has been getting me thinking

I'm realizing how important it is to have a good support system. So far, of the two most recent couples that have left, one seemed committed while the other one did not.

First there was Daniel and Dave. Daniel was committed and doing what he needed, while Dave went home and was eating fried chicken and other junk food and not working out very much.

This week it was Joelle and Carla. Carla was busting her fanny at home while Joelle really had a really blase attitude, even after her friend came back.

To me it just shows how important it is to have committed people in your corner to help you out. Even if that support is simply a non-fat spouse or other family member being conscienteous about not bringing goodies into the house, or as hands-on as having a workout buddy or somebody who helps us be accountable for what we eat, having people in our corner is vital -- while the flip side of not having those people can be detrimental.

Just like the uncommitted people on TBL brought their buddies down with them, so too can we be affected -- OR we can affect others -- the same way. Being a person who is used to always doing things myself, I have a hard time reaching out to others and asking for help. I realize that there will be those times that I will need help, and I have to get past that thing in me that tries to be too independent. Better yet, I hope to be a help to others some day when I get this band thing down. ;)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

From Voices of Recovery

I bought this little book at the OA meeting I went to a week ago and figured I would share (and document) things that are said that really hit me. It's a daily reader, so it's easy to keep up with.

"Our true insanity could be seen in the fact that we kept right on trying to find comfort in excess food, long after it began to cause us misery."

"Accept that a bite or two will not make a bad situation better."
No food exists that will make my job situation more pleasant, cure loneliness or fatigue, heal a broken relationship, or cure an illness. Eating will not fix it!

When I know this above all else, I can look at my options. Spending quiet time and listening for an answer has solved more dilemmas and cured more ills than any amount of food. Making a phone call instead of opening the refrigerator helps me find a way to handle the situation. Going for a walk is one thing that can help me find the path I need to take.

"We are neither above nor below the rest of the human race; we're a part of it."

"Coming to believe was something that happened as we began taking actions which others told us had worked for them. Whether or not we believed these actions would work for us didn't seem to matter. Once we took the action and saw it work, we began to believe."

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Thought for the day

If you don't quit, you can't fail.

'Nuff said.

Been looking at YouTube videos...

...of Lap-Band success stories, and it's hard to believe that one day I could -- wait, I WILL -- be one of those stories. I've been fat for nearly half my life now, so it's hard to even get my mind around the fact that those days are melting away along with my body.

Some of them are truly amazing, to the point where they don't even look the same. So I decided to take some lame photos of myself with my phone (my small camera's battery is dead), and though I can't get much of me in there (head and breast area only), I definitely see a difference in my face from pics that were taken of me in October when we went to Hawaii! My face looked like a jack-o-lantern, it was so full, and now, though it's still not slender, it's lost a lot of the puff.

I know I need to somehow keep a video journal of my success because, as time goes on, it will be hard for me to see the progress by just looking in the mirror. I have avoided the camera for so long, it will take some effort to purposely take pictures of myself or have them taken for me. But I know this will also help boost my self-confidence and feelings of success on this journey. I know 32 pounds right now is a drop in the bucket when you have to lose about 150, but I don't want to minimize it. Eight pounds more and I have lost a large bag of dog food. ;)