Grrrrrr......

Okay, wow, it's been a whole week since my last post?? How time flies when you're enjoying mushies. I've eaten so many crab cakes I'm afraid I'm going to turn into one, but yum, dinners have been really good.

I realize more and more that I'm really having to be conscious because I could eat more than I am -- I'm just choosing not to. It took nearly two weeks of the scale not moving an OUNCE, but the other day it finally dropped two pounds. Okay, I know I'm in the "healing stage" and shouldn't be concerned about it, but dang it, I've been eating meals off of a saucer -- with actual plate showing -- and nothing? It was getting dang depressing.

So... on to my grrrrr. This isn't weight related, but I think I need to write it out because I'm stressed and upset and upset that I'm upset, and at the same time wondering why I'm upset. Long story short, I'm applying for my boss's position tomorrow (she's retiring by the end of the month). I've been going to school and getting myself prepared for this for over a year-and-a-half, but, you guessed it, there is a golden child in the office that the bigger boss has been prepping and preening and fawning over forever. And if you guessed she wants golden child to get the job, you'd be more than right.

I got a certificate course completed last year in this field -- paid for it myself, even though the state would reimburse me. That's how serious I was about this. I get the certificate, big boss finds out, and was upset with me -- so obvious was it that I went to her and confronted her about her behavior. I took the initiative, did what the golden child could have done (and for free, no doubt, as I essentially paid her way), but she didn't. And I'm treated like a leper.

So that's why I'm upset... I really want the job, but then I wonder WHY I want to work for this woman!! She's a bitch to everybody but the golden child anyway. She can be very disrespectful, catty, and ugly, usually more behind people's backs than to their faces. So I guess that makes her two-faced too. So here is this job I would really love, but it would be working for a woman I don't respect at all. And I know she would make me as miserable as she has tried to make the woman who is on her way out.

This really has me totally confused. The green-eyed monster in me rears up in my head from time to time and says the golden child will get it because of who she knows, not that she'd be the best pick for the job. I'm not saying that I would be fantastic and she wouldn't, but even the hiring panel is totally skewed to virtually assure that she will get it. I know life is not fair, but it's really unfair. I just have to realize that God is probably saving me from certain suicide by spork and that something better will come along. Besides, it gives me time to finish getting my degree so that I will be very ready for the next opportunity.

So long as I remember all this when I'm crying in my crab cakes.