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Sunday, December 21, 2008

Anybody else deal with "eating buddies"?

Omg, I'ma gonna hurt somebody soon, I swear. And likely it'll be DH.

I consider him an "eating buddy" -- somebody whose relationship with me was based very much in food. He's one of the fortunate ones who can eat and not get fat like I did, though he was fat as a child until he went to college.

We also know a couple who are "eating buddies" as well. We went to Hawaii with them back in October, and until last week (the very FIRST day I could eat real food after my surgery) we hadn't seen them since my last day of eating before surgery. So that means for an entire month, we hadn't seen them at all and heard from them only a couple times.

Okay, granted, things are busy right now with the holidays. I get that. But get this: Last Tuesday, my first day of regular eating after mushies, the wife calls me after work and the first words out of her mouth were, "Can you eat?? Can you eat??" They wanted to hook up and go out to eat. I said, "Wow, what did you do, put it in your calendar or something??" I also said, "So, what, we can't hook up and spend time together unless I can eat? Is that what you're telling me??"

Of course she said no, but except for riding motorcycles (which is how I met her husband, via a motorcycle site we both belong to as we both own the same cycle), the only other real connection we have all had is food. They are about the only people hubby and I hang with, so that means that I have THREE individuals who are foodies and "eating buddies" that I have to contend with. *sigh*

The other day hubby said something about having a CiCi's Pizza coupon for $5. For those who don't have a CiCi's near them, it's an all-you-can-eat pizza joint. I told him that my all-you-can-eat days are over. He proceeded to argue with me: "Yeah, but it's only $5. You don't have to eat tons, just eat what you want for $5." It's like he really doesn't get it... Don't get me wrong, he IS supportive, but there comes a time... a time where I guess he starts feeling denied and then wants to eat out here on this day and then that place on another day, and before you know it, we're eating out three to four times a week again. Every diet has gone this way. I'm able to stave off the suggestions for a while, but then...

Omg, I don't know how I'm going to keep doing this. My mom suggested that I have just GOT to surround myself with more people like me: Bandsters, or even OA people... get support from people like me. I often think that I could do this so much easier without him around to help me screw it all up, but it's not a good reason to divorce.

Is it? :)


  1. i am SUCH a foodie ... still... even after being banded for well over 2 years and losing 160ish pounds...

    we probably go out to eat 2, maybe 3 times a week... the best thing is when i was filled (unfill due to pregnancy) - i would either order soup, an appetizer or an entree and have them automatically bring a to go container.. that one meal could last 2-3 other 'meals'... some people may try to persuade you to order off the kid's menu... not a great idea unless it's grilled chicken (i know Macaroni Grill has it)... but chicken fingers & fries, not so much..

    and i probably take my daughter to Cici's once a month or so... she loves that place. properly restricted, i could maybe eat a piece... not really worth the money per se, but think of all the times you used to go and eat X# of pieces...

    yes, it IS a change of lifestyle, but you dont have to 'diet' and be miserable..

    good luck! :)

  2. Thanks, Christine. And from what I have read from so many other bandsters, I understand that I can have "whatever," just in moderation. I just hate that I will continue to be surrounded by people who live to eat, when I will be needing to eat to live. I know it won't be the same as strict dieting, but I'd still like to be able to make good choices and have control over how my food is prepared -- which can be done much easier from home.

    I guess I just don't want my life to focus on food as much as it has been. When I was single or with people other than hubby, it never really was about the food -- it was about the company or other things. Within less than two years of meeting DH, I had gone up nearly 100 pounds. And it was moreso about the eating out and the constant focus on food, then it became about being depressed over being fat.

    I just need to make sure he's not going to keep sabotaging me because HE wants to eat out all the time. And I know I have the control over that, ultimately, but just like you wouldn't keep inviting a recovering alcoholic to a bar, you should also be supportive of your loved one in the food area too, I believe. *sigh*

    It is my issue, and I will have to deal somehow. I just keep remembering how diets have crashed and burned over this very same thing -- even though I am not dieting now. It's ingrained.

  3. it WILL change for you, i was the same way. even though you socialize over food, it changes because YOU dont make it all about the food... i wish i had a better way to describe it (it's late, i was just woken up from a dead sleep by a little girl playing with my christmas tree..)...

    you change - even if others wont. the band is a forced change with proper restriction... maybe start suggesting to your foodie friends other alternatives? go to a show, theater, something else... matinee - after lunch/before dinner ... find other things to do... convince them that there ARE other things to do... what does your DH say when you tell him the above about your need for him to be supportive?

    also, is it Colorado Chick you are walking with? maybe introduce her family to yours? that may help.

  4. What you say sounds great. I think my problem -- and I emphasize MY -- is the fact that I am still in "diet mode." I have not yet gotten my mind around the fact that this is NOT a diet... that I CAN enjoy good food and even eating out, but it'll just be less. That is something I will have to work on as it is my issue.

    I will save what you said for future reference, if only to remind myself that I am more in control of all of this than I give myself credit for. Thank you, Christine!

  5. I have a solution! hehehehehe Lets plan to eat at each others houses instead of going out so much! We can have control over the food AND still feel like we are having a night out! :) I sent you an evite for a dinner in January. Let's do that once a month or so - what do you think??

  6. I think that is THE most fantastic idea. I would love our hubbies to meet too. I think they would get along well.