Weight Loss Tracker

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Had a "coming to Jesus talk" with DH the other day

Remember those eating buddy friends I was talking about? Well... they caused a fight here the other night. I admit up front that I overreacted and read DH the riot act out of turn, but maybe it was time. He needs to reconsider his "other woman" for my sanity.

I had just gotten home from my folks' house on Tuesday evening. Late, for a work night. I maybe had 20 minutes to sit here and talk to hubby before we had to go to bed. I told my mom, sure as I'm standing here, the eating buddies are gonna call or e-mail Wednesday about going out to eat.

Sure enough, the wife e-mailed me Wednesday morning and asked if we wanted to go out to dinner. I simply ignored the e-mail and went about my day. I knew hubby was making beef stroganoff that day, which I would only partake of a little bit and eat something else more healthy, so going out to eat was not even in the gameplan.

So... I get home and DH says that the eating buddies are coming OVER to eat with us. OMG!! Now, I have had company solid from December 26 until January 4, and then I went to my folks' from January 15 to the 20th. I'm very much the homebody, so I was ready to just relax with DH and the tv, not play hostess to company that I feel just jumps on me at every opportunity. This is the same couple that called me the FIRST DAY I could eat solids after my surgery and asked, "Can you eat?? Can you eat??" knowing damn well that I could and then wanted to go have Chinese. I even said to the wife, "What the hell, did you have it on your calendar??"

So as I said, DH says they're coming over for dinner, and I hit the fan. I was like, OMG, why didn't you clear it with me first?? I already ignored a message from them asking about dinner, and now they're coming here and I really don't want them here, blah blah blah. That turned into our "coming to Jesus talk." I said that sometimes I feel just totally overwhelmed by the three of them, that ALL they do is focus on food 24/7 to the point where I feel hopeless and completely overtaken by it all. I told him how I felt that he is consumed by food, that he lives to eat rather than eats to live (which he denied), and I said bullshit, even our daughter who had visited over the new year said to my mom that all he does is talk about food. When his friend was here after Christmas, omg, all they did was talk about food! I'm just immersed in it, and I'm trying SO hard to not make everything in my life about FOOD.

He talked about how supportive he has been, and I said yes, to a point. He IS supportive in some ways, but he can be a huge saboteur in the fact that after a while he misses going out, and then it's, "Well, let's just go here this once," or, "I have a coupon for CiCi's Pizza, and it's only $5 for the buffet," but when I remind him my buffet days are over, he says, "Yeah, but it's only $5 to eat as much as you want, even if it's only a piece." Uh, C'MON! I don't think CiCi's is on my long-term eating plan! And wow, you ought to see the pantry. My mom had it right that he is likely making up for the fact that we're not eating out so much, but after my surgery there were donuts, little chocolate mini cakes, m&m's, Fiddle Faddle, cheese and crackers, you name it. I am thankful that it wasn't a draw for me, but OMG! It's like if I was a recovering alcoholic and couldn't go to the bars anymore, would you bring booze into the house???

So because of all this pent-up crap, I was ranting and raving. I let all these things I've been feeling for so long come out in a flood all at once, though I didn't intend for it to happen that way. But then again, maybe it needed to come out like that to have an impact.

So of course NOW every time I say something to him about food like what do you want for dinner, he says that I need to choose because he's trying not to make everything about food. *rolls eyes* I know he's not exactly being snarky, but...


  1. ok ... here's the *B* coming out in me.

    what your husband is doing is unfair and sabotage to an extent ... even if he doesnt mean it to be... the pantry crap .. i probably would have pitched it to be honest. if you're anything like me, you dont need that temptation.

    tell him that when you've lost MOST of your weight, dining out shouldnt really be an issue, but now when you really need to shed the pounds, dining out just doesnt work for you all the time.

    as for him not suggesting what to eat... (here's the real *B* part)... huge veggie only salad (no turkey, etc) and a protein shake ... serve it up ... if he questions it, tell him that's what you wanted for dinner and he didnt have any input so there ya go...

  2. LMAO im laughing at Christine. cause the B in me would be coming out too and would have a long time ago .
    I agree to a point he's sabotaging you .
    He has to understand where your coming from .
    The pantry crap, WOULD have been thrown out if that was me. THAT IS sabotage !!! I have NO Qualms with throwing food out of this house.
    My husband know's if HE wants a soda, he goes to the stores and buys ONE and it BETTER be drank before he gets home or its in the TRASH!
    NO Soda's are allowed in this house.
    If you have not yet, sit down and TELL your husband what you expect and do not expect.
    Be VERY Specific. Tell him what you can and cant have in the house if it comes in it will be trashed PERIOD !
    As for the dinner suggestions. Im big on " I can and will eat anything" the truth of the matter is you can go out to eat anywhere and find a healthy alternative . Its up to YOU to make that choice, you cant allow other jealous, ect people sabotage you . Granted is going out to eat nightly good ? NO . But there are choices you can have when your out.
    My thing with people is they say " CAN You eat that " I tell them " I cant eat WHAT EVER I WANT i CHOSE To eat this "
    Hang in there. The best thing to do is stand up for yourself as it happens, dont bottle it in , this is YOUR Band not theirs !

  3. Y'all are saying pretty much how I feel. His support only goes so far... but once he feels like he's missing out, he starts the crap.

    My mom might have it right: She believes the reason he loaded the pantry was because he was being reigned in on eating out. He is so absorbed in food that he doesn't seem to know how to do without stuff like that. Problem is, I gained 140 pounds and he didn't. :(

    He's kinda been acting like a child in relation to WHAT was said more than HOW it was said, but then again, he does that. Rather than being mature and realizing what was behind the blow-up, he makes issues where there are none.

  4. Ya know what ?? If HE wants to go eat out let him. Let him go eat out w/ the eating buddies for a while. I think he will find Soon its not so much fun w/ out his wife.
    simply tell him though " If you want to go out to eat with them FINE go ahead i dont have an issue with it , I only ASK that you do not bring home ANYTHING , no left overs, no take out ect. If you do it will go directly into the trash" I did not ask my husband to change his life style after my surgery , he did not need to lose weight. I believed we ALL needed to eat healthier .
    I try to cook healthier things, he tries it and if he does not like it he will let me know.
    But my point is he should not HAVE to change how he eats if he does not want to , however he should respect your wishes and not sabbatoge you at the same time. Does that make sense ? ?
    Good luck i am sorry ya'll are going through this .

  5. I agree, Mindy, and you make total sense. I guess the biggest reason I haven't ever said anything is because I didn't expect him to be "punished" for my dieting.

    He's been laying very low since the "talk," so I think he got the overall message. So long as he gets it, I'll be fine. So far there haven't been any new goodies in the house, so that's progress. :)