Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Do you ever wonder...
...where you'd be in life if those closest to you were a more positive, uplifting force? It's something I think about quite often.
I have spent pretty much all of my life feeling inadequate, that I just didn't measure up, I wasn't good enough, or I would never amount to anything. This is true not only from those that mean the most to you, but maybe even those bully kids who made you feel less than, just because they could. The kids who were all too willing to bring you down so they could feel uplifted.
I'm tired of feeling like when I accomplish something or I'm working hard towards an accomplishment, that people have to point out the mistakes and bad choices that were made in my younger life rather than looking at how I'm excelling now. I'm busting my ass in so many ways, but somehow that gets overshadowed by the used-to-be's.
It's those things that seep into your psyche and make you feel like you can't do anything right, you'll never amount to anything, or in the past, like how dare I think I can actually diet and lose this weight! It's the constant feeding of negativity that just chips away at your self-perception, and your desire to even try. Why? You're just going to fail anyway, right? If all you ever feel is that you can't do it, you will always succeed at that, and you will always prove the critic right.
I can't begin to list how much hard work of mine has been abandoned because of those who have only seen fit to feed into the negativity and never show true faith in me. How different might I have been if those closest to me weren't so critical? :(
Posted by Beth at 1:50 AM