Weight Loss Tracker

Friday, May 1, 2009

Pizza and emotional eating, but...

...I didn't do as badly as I normally would have.

I found out yesterday that I didn't get the job. I was a bit bummed, and even moreso today for a while. I found myself hungrier than I've been in a while, but then I also spent two days this week doing just liquids, so it's possible that was a good part of that.

I had my protein drink for breakfast, a tiny serving of tuna for a late AM snack, some of my leftover spaghetti for lunch, and then I left the house around 2:30 to get some movies for this rainy weekend.

While there I saw and wanted some Hot Tamales. I had the box this afternoon (more than I anticipated, but yep, I did it) and for dinner pizza sounded good. I was talking to my friend who also has the band and who is a year in who said if I'm gonna do pizza, do it now while I can still eat bread. I ordered two mediums instead of what we used to get (two larges), and all I really wanted was some pepperoni. I got DH the works and me a pepperoni. He had one piece left from the works, and I ate three of the pepperoni. As I sit here, more than 2 1/2 hours after eating, I could have done with 2 or 2 1/2 pieces. It's sitting kinda heavy. But I haven't had pizza in over 5 months, and overall I've been pretty dang good in what I eat.

I talked to my mom and told her that it was a controlled eating spree (as opposed to just grazing from the fridge or cupboard). I knew I wanted these things, had to bring them into the house, and said that today is it. Whatever is left over is DH's for lunch or dinner over the weekend.

I will not beat myself up over this. She said I should look into this part of myself, the part that makes me want to deal with issues with food, but I don't feel bad. I won't feel guilty. It was ONE day, ONE meal (okay, and a snack), and that was it. I can feel my "head" telling me I still want more, but I can feel fullness in my pouch. The head hunger is recognized, ignored, and pushed aside. And I also know the day will come that, except for sliders, I will be limited in what I can eat even if I go through this again.

As it is, I've lost 13 1/2 pounds since my last fill on April 9, and I'm not due for another fill until the 12th. I think that's pretty dang good. I can no longer try working so hard at being perfect because that's just not going to happen. It's not possible. I can't be black or white, good or bad, perfect or imperfect. I realize that there will be days I will slip, but that does not make me imperfect. It just makes me human.

No matter what, this time is different. It's not a diet, so I can't fall off the wagon the same way I have in the past. And what's better? It wasn't that great. I'm not missing much.

And I will find the perfect job for me. :)


  1. Top outlook girl and the ONLY way to get by some days. We are all entitled to our little splurges for whatever reason and your weight loss is going awesome! This is so much better than a diet - we cannot give up on this one - this ones here to stay and that kinda makes you just conform cause giving up just isnt an option anymore. Good luck for the job hunting!

  2. Well, this weekend I felt I did "bad" -- eating stuff I normally don't (pizza, Hot Tamales candies, drank some beer), but I'm only up 1/2 pound consistently for the last couple days. So even though I was kinda doing "bad," I probably didn't hit my caloric ceiling for those days. I've also been a bit too sedentary -- basement is torn up (trying to do work down there laying flooring) and it's been raining for what seems like 40 days and 40 nights. UGH!

    Thinking about getting a hula-hoop to play with! :)