Weight Loss Tracker

Friday, January 22, 2010

Weight loss surgery increases the fear of failure

I've been feeling a tad stressed about this yo-yo'ing of my band fill and compounding it with the fact that I've only lost 20 pounds (or slightly less, depending on when you catch me) since MARCH.  The bulk of the nearly 70 pounds I've lost were in the first four months.  That's not a good feeling, first and foremost.

So, even though we're not in a weight loss race, it still feels discouraging when you ARE doing the right things and you don't see the results on the scale.  Okay, yes, I know we use other measurements (how clothes fit, measurements, how you feel), but still... I WANNA SEE THE SCALE MOVE, DAMNIT!  Is that too much to ask?

Part of my stress over this is the fact that I've had three bad fills (one where I was filled way over what my doc thought, and now two where my "fill" actually turned into a partial unfill).  I know I lost an entire month from late December until now where I felt I could eat almost anything.  That was the most recent time there was a screw-up where instead of going from 4.2 to 4.6, I was actually taken down to 4.

I was talking to some other bandsters about it today, and I got an epiphany.  Here is what I said to them:
I think we ALL feel, going into this, that dread of, "What if this doesn't work?" To lose 20 pounds since March is doing just that. Granted, it's not all due to the band, and I concede that. But for the last number of months, I've been rockin' it and doing what I should most of the time. To not see the results on the scale (even though inches may be affected, but let's be real -- we want to see the SCALE move) AND to also be dealing with this yo-yo'ing of my band, well... it's just feeding into that, "I've failed with SURGERY." I know in my heart that's not true, but when you've dieted all or most of your life and you've lost and gained and lost and gained and tried and failed, you can't get out of that mindset very easily.

It's a double whammy.  It's discouraging.  It makes you wonder why you're working out 3, 4, 5 days a week and not seeing anything.  Okay, in all fairness I've lost 9.5 pounds just since Monday, but still... That was only because I could hardly even get down a protein drink and was likely only taking in a few hundred calories each day since then.

One thing I'm going to do, along with logging my meals once I'm on regular food (doc put me on liquids for another 24-48 hours) is take measurements.  I might take them tonight, and then keep tabs on them either monthly or bi-monthly.  I'll do all I can to gauge my progress.  And if I don't see the numbers change there, I will pull my band out with a spork.  o_O


  1. Hi! I'm new..but I had to say I know exactly how you feel. Until this last week or so I hadn't lost any weight at all since July. I've now lost 9 lbs. in 10 days but that was 9 of 10 that I had GAINED back during the holidays!
    We are going to get there, maybe it will take us longer..but it will happen!

    I also had the fill/unfill thing! My doc. actually had to take AIR out of my band twice. UGH. Hang in there - you are doing great...PUT THE SPORK DOWN!!! LOL! :)

  2. WOW Beth..so sorry that you're going through this. I mean I guess we all kinda of just take it for granted when the numbers keep sliding. I hope this gets resolved real quick..but like you said just keep doing the right things and it will work itself out in the end !

  3. Sorry you're going through such a tough time - that really sucks. I don't know how to advise you to be honest - you seem to be doing everything right. Just keep on keeping on is all you can do. It's not much help but at least you are heading in the right direction.

  4. I agree, keep on keeping on. Another way to look at it: before the band, it is quite possible you might have GAINED some weight since March.
    Slow and steady wins the race. If one thing doesn't work, try something else and keep trying til you find the right thing. YOu are a thinking person and you'll break through!!!

  5. Plodding on is all you CAN do, I think. But I looked at the figures you mentioned, and you've lost a lot, and quite fast... the thing is it's in fits and starts, not steady, and this is one of the "fits"... any day now you'll skid back into action again.

  6. Thanks, y'all, and I know you're right. It's funny how if it was one of you saying what I said, I'd be saying the same things to you. That's what's so great about having others surround you that get it. But you're right, Dinnerland, I WOULD have gained. Before the band, a year out from my weight loss, I'd have been right back where I was. It's really a matter of redefining what is a progress here.

  7. It is true that there will be shock, depression and potentially anger that comes with any diagnosis of cancer but it is important to remember that certain cancers are not as dire in the grand scheme of things. However, when there is a life altering diagnosis made, it is always best to weigh the options and determine what course of treatment will provide you personally the best quality of life.