As of this morning, I was down 3.5 pounds. I know a lot of this is water weight, but it puts me at a new low of 233.
Word to the wise, though, and I wish I would have known this: If you take a diuretic (which I did for monthly puffiness and the fact that I drank a number of beers over the weekend which, unfortunately, were still with me), the stuff has caffeine! Omg, I didn't sleep a WINK last night. I took a dose before going to bed and I was laying there in bed all night long feeling wide awake. I finally turned the TV on in the bedroom after DH left and watched the news, then picked up my book and started reading. About 8:30am I began feeling tired and slept until 11:45. Real productive day. *eye roll*
Anyway, I'm continuing the liquids for most of today, but I will have the spaghetti I'm making for dinner tonight. YUM!
I had a busy weekend of eating out and... beers and margaritas. Nothing horrible, but empty calories nonetheless. The beer certainly makes me retain fluid, so I'm drinking a lot of water today to try to flush that and the two-pound gain I got as a result of all my "fun."
Yesterday I just really didn't eat. I went out with my old boss and had a salad with goat cheese, carmelized red peppers, and 3-4 ounces of grilled salmon, and that was all I ate. I just wasn't hungry due to the issue the other day with DH. When I went to school I took a protein drink and that was all I had all day.
So today I decided to get my mind back into weight loss mode and do liquids. So... let's see how it does for me.
It also doesn't help that I'm sitting on pins and needles, waiting to hear about a job I interviewed for last Thursday. They said I'd hear something this week, but of course the later it gets into the week the more I worry that I'm waiting for a letter instead of a call, ya know? :(
...to want passion? Especially when I'm starting to look and feel good? What if my DH is not willing or able to do this? Should I suffer beyond the 16 years I already have, not having a good "passion/sex life"? When is enough enough? What do you do when you're not a cheater but know that you could potentially have that proclivity if you're not getting it at home but somebody else starts showing attention? It scares me shitless, and in the past I have re-gained my weight due to the fear and/or getting attention from others.
He's a good man, don't get me wrong. But there is something... really... lacking in this area, and it always has. I just don't know how long I can go on with this issue, especially as I start to lose weight and look good(ish). I'm not a cheater, but I know myself well enough to know that if I don't get it at home, I will be attracted to attention given to me outside the home. Is that bad? I feel very conflicted over this. It's not my way, I don't believe in cheating, but what does one do when their partner is not there for them in that way?
It's probably time to find my eating disorder therapist, because I know that this has been my stumbling block in the past which has had me regain the weight. And even though this is not a diet, there are still ways to cheat myself and the band, and I just don't need that on top of everything else.
I'm just so fed up with this... I wish I had an answer as to why he is this way with me. If it was something I could fix, then I would at least feel some hope. However, he doesn't do anything about it, doesn't seek help (medical or otherwise), and here I languish. I'm getting so resentful now I can't even explain. :(
...I decided to take some new measurements. I haven't taken any since 3/27; and even though it's not a full month since the last time, I wanted to see what's happening. I'm down another 8 inches! WOOT! Now I just wish I had started these numbers back in November when I began this journey because it would show a much greater inch loss.
On top of that, I lost 1.5 of the 2 pounds I gained from that evil Chinese experience. It's amazing how it takes less than an hour to eat and three days to lose the weight as a result of the salt/water gain. Ugh. I think they're trying to take us down, one by one, through their food.
I'm feeling hyped because I have an interview tomorrow at a place I've been trying to get into for some time. They probably have internal applicants as well so I'm trying not to get TOO excited, but still, I'm feeling pretty good and hopeful.
I started back to making my salads after being gone for a week and then coming back and immediately getting a fill and all the stuff that goes along with getting back to eating real food.
I sat down last night and input all the info for my salad into my food log for my GoWear Fit and wow, I was a bit surprised!
I found that fixing the salad the way I've been doing -- mixed spring greens, a small amount of crumbled bacon and goat cheese, dried cranberries, pine nuts, pumpkin seeds, and a dressing called Girard's champagne vinaigrette -- it came to about 390 calories! I don't overdo the dressing or the other fatty stuff, and it may be a bit inflated because I think inputting the amounts slightly higher than what I actually put in (which says I need to actually WEIGH it to be sure), but DANG! It's amazing what you find out when you put all this stuff down. It also explains why maybe I wasn't doing so well last month when I was bobbling the same two pounds, up and down, because I was eating these salads for lunch AND dinner every day! Whoa...
Okay, so now I've got an idea of what's going on, and I will need to plan accordingly. It sucks because those are some damn good salads! :(
We had a birthday dinner with the foodie friends on Saturday. It was the wife's birthday, and they love this place near us called Jasmine's.
I had wonton soup and some nibbles of different appetizers, and my meal was the egg foo yung. The sauce is way salty (but ohhh so good), and I knew I would probably suffer from it. And I did, because salt sticks to me like white on rice. I've been up two pounds since then (though in all fairness, I had leftovers on Sunday too). It's amazing how an hour-long meal will stay with you for days. :(
My friend took me to her gym last Thursday to reward us for a 5 mile walk we forced our dogs to take with us. She thought how great it would be to soak in their hot tub and saunas, and I agreed.
After signing in and going through the mandatory sales pitch (which ended abruptly, amazingly enough, when I said I was without a job), we headed to the locker room to change into our suits. Well, I planned ahead and had mine on under my clothes, so all I had to do was disrobe.
What fun. Among all these perky bodies (mostly), here I am. But hey, I'm feeling good cuz I'm down 55 pounds, right? I'm feelin' hot...ish. I mean, clothes have been looking good on me so hey, why not wear a suit (a one piece, of course. It's the law when you're over 200 pounds). And then... I turn and look at about a football-field length of mirrors which are reflecting me in all their glory. WHO THE HELL IS THAT?? Omg, talk about taking the wind right out of your sails! I can only imagine it feels like it does when some frisky guy is about is to get lucky for the first time with a girl and she points and laughs at his teeny erect member. Total deflation.
To add insult to injury, when we went into the sauna, we disrobed down to towels. I was SO HAPPY that my towel wrapped around me and covered all my doo-dads, since I could never do that. Then I remembered -- I didn't just have a towel, I had brought one of those big bath sheets, a towel that could cover a king-sized bed. Second erection killer.
But it's all good. Still, I'm down 55 pounds. That's about the weight of a Smart Car, right?
I took the dogs for a walk/run this afternoon. Yesterday I went with my friend and her two dogs for a long 5-mile walk, but today I was alone and wanted to push it just a tad.
I've often said I couldn't run from here to my mailbox if Godzilla himself was after me, but I'd like to change that -- just in case Godzilla ever shows up, of course. ;)
So... I start out walking, and then get to a point where I think, "Okay, time to jog." I start running (okay, probably loping, but hey, when you're 235 pounds, it's running, k?), and the next thing I hear is clapping. Is somebody around? Are they seeing this behemoth schlepping down the path trying to look as if she isn't dying and is showing his encouragement? Is it the wildlife, awestruck by this creature invading their sanctuary and giving thanks for the honor? Is it simply in my mind as I daydream about running a 5k and making it over the threshold?
No. It's my fleshy apron slapping my lap, thankyouverymuch. Ugh.
The shrimp debacle last night was another case of OE (operator error). I had some for lunch today and cut them up teeny tiny and chewed until there was nothing there anymore. It went down fine. I'm glad to know this since it is starting to feel like my food choices are waning due to getting stuck. :)
Foodie friend sent me another coupon for Papa John's Pizza. Now, she and her hubby KNOW I am "dieting" (I haven't told them about the band yet, though I am debating), and they have both commented how great I've been looking. So sure, send me COUPONS FOR PIZZA. *sigh*
And this is when they aren't calling constantly to go out eating. At least with no job I can put them off for a while.
Tried to eat fast to make it to school. Big mistake. I barely got 2 oz. of shrimp in me before I noticed some discomfort, but I thought it was going to be okay. After about five minutes I noticed that wasn't likely.
I went upstairs to change and tried to PB to dislodge it. All I kept doing was creating slime and foam. WTF is it with the FOAM? A couple times I burp-threw up wads of foam instead of the food. I hung around as long as I could but had to get to school. I drove 25 minutes burping and hurting the whole way. And more foam. I had to keep a stash of napkins handy to dispose of it. It's as if when you try to swallow it (if you so dare), it adds to the air issues that are going on inside your stomach.
I figured that when I got there I would try to throw up out in the parking lot (nice, eh?) instead of going in feeling like this. That didn't work either, though a few times I thought it would. I sure made enough spit to make me THINK something was happening.
I went inside (already 10 minutes late) and headed straight for the bathroom. Nothing productive, just more pain, foam, and spit. So I decided to get to class, feeling as if some of the pressure was lessened. I wasn't in my seat two minutes before I had to bolt out the door to the bathroom again. At least THIS time it finally dislodged and came up.
Good GRIEF, when will I learn? Besides being horrible (this episode lasted an hour and fifteen minutes), I worry that I could damage my band. Note to self: Do NOT give yourself any less than 45 minutes to eat, no matter that they want you to do it in 30.
Hubby and I finally moved our couches around (we each sit on one). I was getting sick and tired of the sag my butt had created on my couch and feeling like my knees were under my chin every time I sat down. It's almost as if I have a new couch under my butt.
Now I just hope that the couches will spring back if not sat on for a while. Doubt it, tho... ;)
So I guess let's see how it goes. Even with my last one, I found that I did really well for the first two weeks, pretty good the third week, and was hungry between meals (about 3 1/2 to 4 hours after eating). I mean, if I could eat an entire hamburger, bun and all...
The sad thing is, my husband's insurance apparently does not cover anything Lap-Band. I went in for the fill, told them I had new insurance but didn't have a card yet, and when asked what insurance I now had I was told that they don't do anything with this procedure. WHAT?? Of course all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears because quite a few people on LBT who are self-pay have said their fills were in the neighborhood of $700!!
Luckily this doctor only charges $125, but still... that's a huge hit every month, especially when I came in feeling good at the fact that I got on insurance within a couple days of quitting my job.
So... I must have looked beyond shocked, and I remember I didn't breathe for a few seconds, and I just went and sat down to fill out my paperwork for my fill evaluation. I heard the nurse and receptionist talking but couldn't make out what was being said, being in shock and all. The next thing I know, the nurse called out to me and said not to worry about it -- they would cover the cost for me on this visit and to not fret, that Paul would work with me. I started crying right there in the office. Of course they told me not to cry, everything would be okay, but I just kept saying what a bad month it's been, and I thanked them very much for helping me out.
I *heart* my doctor's office. I loved them before this, but this means SO much to me, especially when so many doctors seem so focused on the money.
I just downloaded my GoWear Fit, which is the first I've done this in the last few days. Originally I was doing it daily, but since I came home from South Carolina on Wednesday and was away from the computer all day, I didn't do it. Then again yesterday, I didn't do it.
Today I worked in the basement laying laminate flooring, so I got some good results on my calorie burn, but I decided to look at the last few days' results as well. I am flabbergasted by what I saw.
I exerted the most calories to date on Wednesday -- the day I was driving for nine hours and then went to school for three hours! My target calorie burn for each day is set at 3250, with the result being if I can do that every day for a week while only taking in 2250 (with a deficit of 1000 calories), I should lose two pounds each week.
Okay, so what gives?? I literally exerted more calories DRIVING than I do when I work out for an hour? REALLY??
Oh, AND it showed 81 minutes of "physical activity!" Is this thing broken? This makes absolutely no sense to me.
Here is the chart:
Is it possible that we exert more calories than we think when doing something like driving? If it wasn't for the fact that this thing is supposed to be pretty dang accurate, I'd be thinking it was broken or something. Maybe I need to find out more about stuff like this, things we may do that we exert more energy doing than we ever think.
After bobbling between 242 and 244 the entire freakin' month, with it staying 244 for probably the last 9 or 10 days, I had about had it. But after what I ate Monday and Tuesday (see below) the scale moved. UP. TWO. POUNDS. Plateau broken, eh? *sigh*
I've been complaining about my bras here lately, feeling like they just seem too big in the cup. So today, after my fill, I went by Avenue (where I got the ones I FINALLY found that I like that gives support and doesn't shove them under my armpits) and tried the same one in a C cup. Omg, that puppy FIT!
'Course it sucked that they had a 2 for $40 sale and, in order to get the benefit, you had to buy two... and I could only find ONE. But thank God for online ordering because I not only ordered two online, but I did a Google search for a coupon and found a 25 percent off my order! I ended up getting them cheaper, even with shipping, than I had I bought them at the store.
I went to the movies with my mom today and we were planning on some chicken piccata at a little Italian place there where the movie house is at, but they were not open (a lot of things there are either closed down permanently or closed on Mondays). So... the only other choice we had was Cheeburger Cheeburger. Okay, not the best, but not the worst either.
However... I must be in REAL need of a fill because I was starving (okay, it was 1:30 and I hadn't eaten yet) and I got and ate a cheeseburger with onion, pickle, lettuce, and chopped garlic. To boot, my mom and I split a small onion ring.
Here I've been bitching about the scale not moving (though I swear I've been doing everything right) and these were my choices. Worse yet, I was hungry enough that I ate it, bun and all!
Okay, fast forward to tonight. I had leftover Chinese from last night -- egg foo young. It's all I had, but I ate the two that were remaining after last night. Now I'm stuffed, the first time I've been FULL since surgery, and I feel that familiar uncomfortable feeling I used to feel back pre-surgery when I'd eat way past satiation.
Two bad choices in one day, and waaay too much for dinner. Some of it may have been the fact that I had such a big lunch and it was still with me (lunch came about 2:00 and we ate dinner at 8:00), but still... I feel bad about how it went.
The GOOD news is I have been exercising since I've been here visiting my folks, almost every day. Today we went to the gym. I'm sure it wasn't enough to combat what I did, but at least I don't feel it was a total loss. :(
Well... I guess I don't have to worry about the scale reading 244 anymore, huh? *growl*
Omg, somebody help me. I am sick to DEATH of seeing 244 on the scale!!
Okay, I know it's more than the number, I get it. Sure. BUT... when you've been exercising and eating right and well and doing everything right, and the scale either does as it did for nearly two weeks, bobbing up and down the same two pounds, and now it just stays fit at 244... I want to scream!!
"Don't let the ghosts of the past ruin your progress. This time is different." ~~ debbieperez55 (from LBT) ** I'm 434445 46 years old and finally trying to do something to get my weight issues under control. This is my attempt to "journal" the ups and downs of that journey -- to help myself, and maybe even to help others.