Monday, April 27, 2009
Is it too much...
...to want passion? Especially when I'm starting to look and feel good? What if my DH is not willing or able to do this? Should I suffer beyond the 16 years I already have, not having a good "passion/sex life"? When is enough enough? What do you do when you're not a cheater but know that you could potentially have that proclivity if you're not getting it at home but somebody else starts showing attention? It scares me shitless, and in the past I have re-gained my weight due to the fear and/or getting attention from others.
He's a good man, don't get me wrong. But there is something... really... lacking in this area, and it always has. I just don't know how long I can go on with this issue, especially as I start to lose weight and look good(ish). I'm not a cheater, but I know myself well enough to know that if I don't get it at home, I will be attracted to attention given to me outside the home. Is that bad? I feel very conflicted over this. It's not my way, I don't believe in cheating, but what does one do when their partner is not there for them in that way?
It's probably time to find my eating disorder therapist, because I know that this has been my stumbling block in the past which has had me regain the weight. And even though this is not a diet, there are still ways to cheat myself and the band, and I just don't need that on top of everything else.
I'm just so fed up with this... I wish I had an answer as to why he is this way with me. If it was something I could fix, then I would at least feel some hope. However, he doesn't do anything about it, doesn't seek help (medical or otherwise), and here I languish. I'm getting so resentful now I can't even explain. :(
Posted by Beth at 5:02 PM