Omg, I need a fill...

...or a brain transplant. 'Nuff said. :(

Went to a WW meeting today

I used to do Weight Watchers in the past (which ones of us haven't, right?), and I saw that there was a meeting close by my house -- and there is no registration fee right now.

I know I can't really follow the meal plan as I don't intend to try to keep up with their points system, but I thought it would be good to go for the support and meetings. They always had pretty good meetings, from what I remembered, and hey, it's cheaper than therapy, right? :)

So I went today, and it was a pretty good turn-out for a holiday weekend. Afterward I met with the leader and told her about my surgery and my intention for the meetings. I said there was a part of me that didn't want to be deceitful and having them think I was losing JUST from using WW. Kinda like, "Results not typical." She was surprisingly accepting and curious about the procedure, as she had learned about it not that long ago herself. She asked what I couldn't eat, etc., and even thought of a woman who works at the facility that houses their meetings who is about 500 pounds, young, and desperate for something to help her. I gave her my doc's name and the LBT website info since some doctor she spoke to told her she wasn't a good candidate for the surgery. I said she needed a second opinion and to call Dr. Pinnar.

Anyway, I signed up for their monthly pass and will go for the support and good overall info. My leader even offered to recognize me at next week's meeting for the 62 pounds I've already lost, if I feel so inclined to do that. I'll think about it... I mean, I DID lose it, but I didn't lose it on WW, so...

I forgot one of THE most important things...

Next to childbirth and marriage, what other important day in history should we celebrate? Our BANDIVERSARIES, of course! The 21st (yes, this is my belated recognition) was my 6-month bandiversary, and I didn't remember it until I was having a conversation with my new Weight Watchers leader (different story) this morning. I remembered on the 19th and thought, "Okay, in a couple days I'll be blogging about it." Guess I got too caught up with my new "jeans ass" and my ass feeling as if it was spanked by some overzealous truck driver. Lots of focus on the ass this week. :)

Imagine my surprise

I bought some jeans recently on eBay. That has become my "mall of choice" lately because I am going through sizes quicker than Bill goes through interns.

I just got some size 18 Levis in the mail yesterday and, though I thought they may not fit yet, I opened them today. Hubby and I were taking the motorcycles out to run errands and sign the gazillion papers necessary when refinancing your own home (go figger), and I always wear jeans when I ride. I looked at my size 20s on the floor (cuz I'm SUCH a good housekeeper), remembering hubby tease me the other day that I had "baggy butt," but I looked at the 18s and thought, "Nah, probably not yet. They look too small." But that little voice which usually tells me to do dire and dastardly things (like spend money we don't have or call my now ex-boss an "effin' hypocrite" -- wonder why I'm not working there... hmmm...) spoke up and instead gave me some good advice: "Try them on!"

I thought, "Meeh, what the heck. What's the worst that can happen? I get them up but can't button them yet... so I just wait a week or so and then I'll be able to."

So I step into them, one leg at a time, and pull them up. Part of me expected them to come to a screeching halt about mid-thigh, but no, they went up and over the hips. Ah, but surely they won't button, and even if they DO button, there's no way I can zip them up without my apron becoming permanently wedged between the teeth of those metal teeth. But... omg, they DID button, and they DID zip -- AND I could still breathe!!! Imagine getting into jeans that look too small, getting them buttoned and zipped, AND you can breathe!! I would have just been happy with NOT being able to breathe, if only I could get them secured! But I could do BOTH?? My gosh, it was like a multiple orgasm. No, really.

I had to look at my shrinking ass in the mirror before I left, so I went into the bathroom and checked it out. Meeh, I wouldn't wish for an ass like that if I saw it on another chick, but I was damn pleased with what I saw.

I have a pair of 16s coming next, but I won't try those yet. I still like breathing. :)

My ass hurts -- and not in that fun, freshly spanked way

Omg, I'm reliving my childhood or something. I broke out the bicycle, the first I've had it out in years. I remember riding it once since I've been here, but that was probably three years ago. And it was ONLY the one time.

About 2:00 today I rode about seven miles and came home. Then I went out again at 5:00 and rode another nine miles. Yes, 16 miles!! The nice thing is that the path I ride has half-mile markers, so I know for sure how far I went.

Even though I have one of those bigger seats with the gel pad, it felt like I was riding on a brick. I guess what I need is one of those large, cushy Barcalounger seats. ;)

The last mile of my second ride, I swear I didn't think I was going to make it. My ass hurt like I had been a bad little minx and needed a spanking baaaad, and I was pedaling so slowly that I swear some little blue hair with a walker passed me by and gave me the finger.

I had my cell on me, but just couldn't imagine THAT phone call: "Um, yeah, honey? Can you come get me? Where am I? Uh... at the front of the subdivision. Hello??"

"I almost didn't recognize you!"

Omg, I love when friends who maybe only see you once a month say that! And what's better, it came from the husband that's one-half of the foodie friends. :)

I want one of these!

*sigh* I doubt I can talk DH into it, but this looks SO COOL! I've been looking at kettlebells at Wal-Mart and Target, but I didn't buy any. Simply put, I felt I would need more than one size, and at $20-somthing a piece, up to over $30, it was a bit hard to figure out what to do.

THEN I saw the commercial for this thing, the Weider Powerbell, and it seemed my prayers were answered! It's adjustable, so it handles the issue of increasing or lowering the weight amount for the workout you are trying to do, and frankly, if you bought seven kettlebells, you'd be HUNDREDS of dollars in the hole.

I can make three payments of $40, which makes it a tad more palatable. But since I got myself my GoWear Fit for my birthday (early, of course, since it isn't until late July), I don't know that I can try for this too. I dunno, I'll see what I can do. Maybe some mowing next door to help pay for it.

I need my basement back

I miss my exercise down there. Of course there's things I can do outside, but still... I'm not doing them consistently enough to be worthwhile right now.

Hubby and I are in the middle of trying to lay some flooring that we removed upstairs when we put down wood flooring. It's that pergo-type snap together stuff. Everything right now is shoved over to one side of the room while we try to figger out what the hell we're doing.

The last ocuple days has been chilly, so that tends to keep you from wanting to go outside. Yesterday I just vegged. Today I tried to wrap up a couple projects I have going which didn't equate to a lot of exercise at all. Tomorrow is another (and predicted to be a warmer) day, so I will promise myself to at least get the dogs out for a walk/run. I've gotta get back into the groove just because I can tend to taper off if I don't cattle-prod my ass. :)

Buh-bye 230's!!

This morning I loved my scale. It said 229. I'm floating! :)

Whose thighs are these??

I work on a laptop all the time and obviously always have it... well, in my lap.

The other day I was looking down and wondered, "Hm, whose thighs are these?" They look so much smaller (not small, mind you, because I'm still over 200 pounds), but compared to before, instead of looking like tree trunks, they look like 5-year-old saplings. ;)

It feels good.

We don't give kids enough credit

I feel like I'm reliving my childhood. I bought a hula hoop last week, and today I broke out my jump rope for the first time (yes, it's been in the package for a few years now!). I went outside with the best of intentions, believing I'd be jumping for an hour or two (lol), but wow, 20 jumps at a time and I was really winded. I'd rest for a few minutes and jump again and, whew, gasp, ugh!

Kids make this shit look so easy. Damn ankle biters!

As of today...

...I weigh less than I did when hubby and I got married. I haven't lost beyond my all-time weight loss amount yet (70 pounds), but I'm sneaking up on it! As of this morning I hit 230.5, which is down exactly 60 pounds. WOW!

My all-time low when I lost weight before was 189. I started out at about 239 at that time, though, so it was "only" 50 pounds lost. A few years ago I belonged to a weight-loss group called Healthy Inspirations (now defunct, I've noticed recently) and started at 290 and went down to 220. Considering that I started before surgery at the same 290, I'm neck-and-neck with the Healthy Inspirations weight loss.

Wow, 10 more pounds to equaling my all-time biggest weight loss, and only 7.5 pounds away from only being "obese" on the BMI scale (down from morbidly obese)!!

No food tastes as good as this feels. I can definitely feel yesterday's fill, too. Even though I am only on liquids, I certainly feel the fluid circling the drain, lol! :)

Omg, wth??

Okay, remember that I redirected the foodie friend to send DH the online coupons for Papa John's? Well, apparently she did this the other day, and she and DH wrote back and forth about what he was going to order (apparently they were having a great sale based on a hockey game that was won). So I get an e-mail from DH with the Papa John's coupon header in the subject line, and I'm thinking, "What??"

So I open it and it's the exchange between him and the friend, and the final part of this e-mail is his list of what he was going to order last night. Sent to me and her. WHY ME?? Omg, and I'm on liquids right now and can't eat real food until SATURDAY.

I was going to respond to it and ask him, "WTH are you doing?" but I realized that he was already on his way home, so I just deleted it.

Wanna know why he sent it to me?? So he could remember what he wanted on the pizza and had a copy of it sent to me so I could tell him. What a doofus. *eye roll*

I am such a loser -- and it's GREAT!

Got my sixth fill today and am up at 4.6cc. I've never asked before, but I have this little card that I've carried in my wallet since before surgery, and I should have had each of my weigh-ins logged in there (including BMI if I so wish). I asked Paul to fill that in for me based on my charts, and I also asked if I could have a copy of my measurements before surgery. The only thing I wish they had was more areas listed, but I'll take what they have.

I lost the 4.5 pounds from my weekend whatever-you-wanna-call-it as of this morning, so I was at my low again of 233. On their scale I was 234.2, which isn't bad at all considering that I have not yet gotten up the nerve to weigh in the nude, lol!

Paul is very happy with my progress, and I told him that I would *like* to get as close to 200 by my 44th birthday on July 22 as possible. That means 33 pounds. It's not NOT do-able, but it's a big bill to fill in 71 days. That's about 14 pounds a month.

I lost 13 pounds this month, and that was even with some not-so-good days, so is it do-able? Yeah, it is. It'll be a solid time of sticking with the program and getting my exercise in, but it's a goal to reach for. So I'm just gonna do it. What would be even better is Onederland (199 or better), but I would be very proud of myself to be 200.

The thing that really excited me today was my measurement stats. They only measured six areas, and one of them (my neck) wasn't included in my prior measurements, so I just listed the before number and what it is today. Here are the results since right before surgery:



I have lost just shy of 4.5 FEET of me!! Omg, I knew I'd be happy if I knew somewhat where I started out (and for the life of me I don't know WHY I didn't do it myself, but...), and it's impressive.

I'm down from 290.6 to 233, totalling 57.6 pounds, and down 53.25 inches! My BMI went from 45.5 (morbidly obese) to 36.5 (severely obese). I am only 10 pounds away from being "just" obese.

I am very happy with how well I've done. *insert happy face here*

I had a three-way, and now the regret sets in

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I had a three-way on Saturday. I know it may be every girl's dream (okay, many girls' dreams) to have two men at once, but while it was enjoyable at the time, the regret soon set in. I don't know what I'm more ashamed of -- how much I enjoyed it as it was happening, or how much I regret it now.

These are two guys I've known for some time but lost touch with. They're both sweet and desirable, but there is also an evil side to them. They leave you wanting more while hoping you can resist their pull. You too may have fallen under their spell.

You see, these guys are Ben and Jerry, and for me, their weapon is New York Super Fudge Chunk. A whole pint. At one sitting. I don't even remember breathing during the episode. All I knew is I wanted (needed?) ice cream, and I went and got some. Of course I tell myself that I did better in only getting a pint rather than another brand in a half-gallon (or whatever they try to pass off as a half-gallon these days), but the truth is I didn't need it that badly. I certainly wasn't gonna die without it.

And what's worse is that wasn't the worst part of my weekend. It's like I was eating my last supper (I get another fill tomorrow), and I know that soon enough I won't be able to eat a lot of this stuff. So I got thin-crust pepperoni pizza, and last night was Chinese. *sigh*

So today I'm drinking TONS of water and doing liquids because my scale was up 4.5 pounds!! Which is gonna suck because starting tomorrow I'm on liquids for two additional days. But I must punish myself for my failings, lol, and climb back on that wagon.

The only good thing about all of this is that I can't eat much (other than the ice cream). Chinese last night consisted of General Tso's chicken (three large-ish pieces) and four ribs. Oh, and an egg roll. *gulp*

I can definitely tell I'm due for a fill. Gettin' too much down the gullet these days. :(

I need to get the potato off the couch

I haven't worked out AT ALL for well over a week now. Some of my reasoning (nee excuses) include the fact that my basement is a wreck since I started trying to lay flooring; it's been raining now since LAST Wednesday; and I'm in a funk. Okay, maybe a full-blown depression, but I'm trying to call it a funk so the guys in lab coats don't come and get me. Again. :D

I went out and bought some stuff to help get me motivated, things I don't need to do outside or need my basement for. I got a kit with all different resistance bands and tubes, which include a dvd; a tennis racket and a can of balls (ColoradoChick and I are planning on beating balls to death while dying on the court here in our neighborhood); and a yoga core thingy (a blow-up rubberized disc that is NOT a Bosu ball because, frankly, paying $99 for HALF a ball is just, well, insane) that includes some workout stuff.

Then I came home and ordered a couple books and dvd's from Jillian Michaels. Hey, she keeps making winners on TBL, so maybe she can kick my ass too.

So... let's see if this stuff ever makes it out of their boxes and makes me work out. :D

My scale has an evil sense of humor, and I am not amused

Stepped on this morning and the first number that popped up was 225.5! WTH?? Yesterday I was 233. Maybe I shouldn't have gotton on the dang thing the second or third times, which read, yep, 233. Piece of crap machine. Grrrr...

Where's my mojo??

Okay, I was watching this corny commercial on TV here the other day and it got me thinking. It lists a bunch of stuff you can do for fun that costs $3 or less and shows climbing a tree, buying a goldfish, whistling, dancing, etc. The commercial is for $3 lottery tickets. But one of the things it showed was using a hula hoop. I thought, "Hey, a HULA HOOP! That could be fun exercise!" So I went to Wal-Mart yesterday and got the last freakin' hula hoop they had.

So... I get home, and s-p-i-i-n, FLUMP. It drops to the ground. Um, okay. Let's try this again. S-p-i-i-n, FLUMP. It drops to the ground again. Hm. Once more: S-p-i-i-n, FLUMP. What the...? Ok, then, one more time: S-p-i-i-n, FLUMP. Oh my freakin' God, 'sup?? I can barely get it to go around one dadgum time! I used to be able to do it as a kid, so what gives? Is my waist too big? Hips not swiveling enough? Simply have the body movements of an epileptic chicken on crack? I dunno. But now it's a vendetta. I WILL get that thing moving. No, really. I am. Seriously.

Some people just have to be told, I suppose...

Foodie friend just sent me another Papa John's internet coupon in my e-mail. For those who don't have these, it's a pizza joint.

Okay, I know I had pizza this weekend, but it's the first one I've had since before my surgery in November. It certainly isn't a habit. Now, this friend KNOWS I've been losing weight (though I still haven't told her or her husband about my surgery), so WHY would she send pizza coupons??? GRRR!

So today I finally did what I should have from the onset and sent her a reply:

I will pass this on to [DH], but obviously I'm not eating like this anymore, so I can't do anything with these. :( If you want to pass them on, maybe send them to him at [e-mail address].

Let's see if this does it. I mean, wow... And what's sad is that her husband has diabetes, is suffering from an injury to the bottom of his foot that he got when we were all in Hawaii in OCTOBER, and a big part of the reason it's not healing is he does not take care of himself nutritionally! He could stand to lose about 50 pounds, and I don't think he eats that great, though he SAYS he's been doing better lately and actually seeing a diabetes nutritionist. She, however, is about 5'2" and weighs less than 100 pounds.

But still, you would think I wouldn't have to send this e-mail...

Pizza and emotional eating, but...

...I didn't do as badly as I normally would have.

I found out yesterday that I didn't get the job. I was a bit bummed, and even moreso today for a while. I found myself hungrier than I've been in a while, but then I also spent two days this week doing just liquids, so it's possible that was a good part of that.

I had my protein drink for breakfast, a tiny serving of tuna for a late AM snack, some of my leftover spaghetti for lunch, and then I left the house around 2:30 to get some movies for this rainy weekend.

While there I saw and wanted some Hot Tamales. I had the box this afternoon (more than I anticipated, but yep, I did it) and for dinner pizza sounded good. I was talking to my friend who also has the band and who is a year in who said if I'm gonna do pizza, do it now while I can still eat bread. I ordered two mediums instead of what we used to get (two larges), and all I really wanted was some pepperoni. I got DH the works and me a pepperoni. He had one piece left from the works, and I ate three of the pepperoni. As I sit here, more than 2 1/2 hours after eating, I could have done with 2 or 2 1/2 pieces. It's sitting kinda heavy. But I haven't had pizza in over 5 months, and overall I've been pretty dang good in what I eat.

I talked to my mom and told her that it was a controlled eating spree (as opposed to just grazing from the fridge or cupboard). I knew I wanted these things, had to bring them into the house, and said that today is it. Whatever is left over is DH's for lunch or dinner over the weekend.

I will not beat myself up over this. She said I should look into this part of myself, the part that makes me want to deal with issues with food, but I don't feel bad. I won't feel guilty. It was ONE day, ONE meal (okay, and a snack), and that was it. I can feel my "head" telling me I still want more, but I can feel fullness in my pouch. The head hunger is recognized, ignored, and pushed aside. And I also know the day will come that, except for sliders, I will be limited in what I can eat even if I go through this again.

As it is, I've lost 13 1/2 pounds since my last fill on April 9, and I'm not due for another fill until the 12th. I think that's pretty dang good. I can no longer try working so hard at being perfect because that's just not going to happen. It's not possible. I can't be black or white, good or bad, perfect or imperfect. I realize that there will be days I will slip, but that does not make me imperfect. It just makes me human.

No matter what, this time is different. It's not a diet, so I can't fall off the wagon the same way I have in the past. And what's better? It wasn't that great. I'm not missing much.

And I will find the perfect job for me. :)