Ugh, today was not a good day. I'm visiting my folks right now as I'm between semesters, and today I got "the talking to" from my mom about my weight. Do those closest to us REALLY need to point out that we're still fat or struggling or making bad choices? I don't know about any of YOU, but I know when I've put on weight. I'm the one that has to try to fit into my underpants in the morning.
I'm sure it was MEANT to sound like concern, but what she said was I am fortunate, highly intelligent, can go on vacation if I want, have a nice home, own my vehicles, etc., and from the outside I look to others like I'm strong and accomplished -- so why can't I get it together? And beyond all that, I have a band now to help me lose the weight. So what's the problem? She said I'm using excuses like the stress from last semester to excuse what I'm doing -- "It's 'stress' that made me make bad decisions and not exercise, etc."
My mom, who was thin until she hit her late 50s and could always eat whatever she wanted, has a good 50 or so pounds she could stand to lose. I said, "Okay, then let's turn the tide -- other than the band, you have everything I have AND you don't have a job and you have two gyms you can use here for free whenever you want, so what is your excuse?" She then said that it wasn't about her because she doesn't care about her weight anymore . WTH is with that? I KNEW once I got a band and told her about it, it would be one hugee failure she could point out if I didn't rock it like some have.
I don't know if any of you have gone through that; but if you have, you know how disheartening that feels. I don't need to have my teeth kicked in because there are none left from where I have been kicking them in. I've often wondered what I would have been like if I had had some positive influence in my life. :/
Man, doesn't that suck a big one. I think I would have started crying. I think people, moms especially, really do think they are helping when they make comments like that. Hang in there. I hope it gets better for you.
ReplyDeleteI know where her heart is in this, but please, do I need to hear how bad I suck?
ReplyDeleteYou're brave even allowing the subject to come up. I made it a no-go area with my friends and family a very long time ago. Only people with chronic weight problems truly understand. The only thing people who care about you can do which does help, is to say something to the effect that they understand and love you no matter what, and that it doesn't matter to them what size you are. Let it be a quiet resolve coming from within, not the result of being made to feel guilty, a failure, etc etc.
ReplyDeleteKeep blogging...
Caroline
She probably has good intentions and her concerns come from a heartfelt place, but still, really? As if you need reminding. As if you need to be told that you're not making any progress or to consider every morsel that goes into your mouth. Like you don't anyway! It's still hard to be met with that response when all you need is a bit of support and faith that you can do this.
ReplyDeleteWe think you can anyway :)
That sucks. . I am so sorry you had to experience that AND a cookie sabotage to boot! When I hit 50 pounds down, my mom's reaction was "Wow! And if you'd just stuck to the diet, imagine how much more you would have lost!" That was really a WTF moment for me, and I was seriously p*ssed about it.
ReplyDeleteOh wow, Catherine, that's a really mean comment!! What is it about parents (and sometimes siblings as my sister, who is a workout-aholic) that makes them think they can say whatever they want?? Geez...
ReplyDelete