Weight Loss Tracker

Friday, January 21, 2011

New year, new attitude

I guess that's why I'm doing this "diet" thing -- the fact is, I can't control what happens to others, and I can't even control what happens to me in many cases.  The one thing I CAN control is making myself healthier by making good choices.  I know how I feel when I'm eating well and exercising, and NO food in the world even comes close -- yet I have chosen time and again to eat junk and NOW I've gained 32 pounds from my lowest band weight.  I'm done with this shit.  Nobody can do this FOR me, and little by little I'm breaking away from the people in my life that are bad influences.

Foodie wife wanted to hook up last night and I said no.  I like them, but they annoy me.  I need to back up a bit because a lot has happened since I was posting regularly. {insert way-back tinkling sound here}

'Memba foodie husband who burned the crap out of the bottoms of his feet when we went on vacation over two years ago?  Well, the one foot was not healing -- it would get so far, and then he'd start acting stupid and it would stop healing or start getting bigger.  The doctor would tell him to stay OFF his feet, and the first thing he would do is go to some bike show or something where he was walking all over the place for hours.  I swear, sometimes I don't know how the man puts his pants on every day without a pit crew to help him.  o_O  I truly have a hard time dealing with intentionally stupid people.

Well, he has been in and out of a "boot" to keep him off the affected spot, and he even missed out on his dream vacation in September to Alaska (2 weeks, cruise and land) because his foot started flaring up literally days before they were to leave.  You would have thought that would have changed his ways.  Oh, he was MAD, but since that time he has probably put on about 60 pounds.  I kid you not, he's HUGE!  He still takes his insulin, but I guess he thinks that means that he can eat whatever he wants (he eats a bowl of ice cream before bed EVERY night -- "to maintain his blood sugar through the night"), and when he eats for his insulin, he EATS.  We're not talking a small, healthy snack here, we're talking a fast-food take-out full meal.

So here recently he broke his big toe and didn't even realize it.  Yep, snapped it like a twig.  It had probably been a couple days until somehow he noticed the throbbing.  This is another sign of diabetes; but come to find out, he ALSO has neuropathy.  That coupled with the diabetes can be very VERY dangerous if he's not careful.  Which he's not.  So you see, food has completely taken over his life because NOW he seems to be able to justify eating so often -- even though the choices are horrible.  He WILL kill himself, after he loses his feet and/or legs.

Foodie husband has me really more upset than I should be because he's not even related to me; but the fact that he's given himself diabetes to the point where he now needs insulin and he still eats like a freaking pig and does shit he shouldn't just angers me.  Why is that?  THAT really confuses me.  Maybe it's because I know, by looking at him, that EVERYTHING related to him will revolve around food, going out, etc.  Hubby went to a gun show with him while I was at the folks', and immediately afterward it was, "Wanna go get something to eat?"  And I'm tired of being the turd in the punch bowl every time the four of us get together and they want to go eat and I say no.  They don't seem to get it, and I end up pissed off to hell and back.  I need FRIENDS, not eating buddies. But they don't even give a shit about themselves -- I can never expect them to give a shit about me.

I've come to the conclusion that the SECOND this starts up again, I WILL tell them that they have two choices -- they can have me as a friend who will NOT participate in eating out, or they can move along.  These people are truly toxic to me, and I'm tired of this fight.


  1. I'd feel so irritated too - and you just know that the day he faces an amputation he'll wish he had listened to his body telling him to stop. I'm also insulin dependent since my forties and I have been known to eat what I shouldn't and just up the insulin dose, but not since I've had the band. In Argentina where the icecream is to die for I would probably have done so if I had stayed long enough... When I got home I had all sorts of side effects which I knew were the result of having daily icecream for several weeks, and thank goodness I'm not that keen on icecream in the UK.

    Well done on losing a bit! It's that first step which is so hard (and I have yet to take).


  2. It IS irritating. The guy is in his mid-30s. At this rate, he'll be dead or severely damaged in 10 years. My mom mentioned the other side effect of not taking care of yourself while diabetic is vision loss. She has two friends with diabetes who are going through that now.

    I guess the biggest thing that hit me as I wrote this is, if he/they don't care about his health (cuz the wife just kinda rolls her eyes and says, "I know, you're preaching to the choir," yet she buys him crap and suggests eating out all the time), they sure as HELL don't care about mine. It's really that simple. I refuse to let them upset me about this anymore.

  3. You can do this! I'm rooting for you! It sucks when you get on the scale and its 20, 30, 40, 50 pounds higher than your lowest banded weight. That was me in September. 50 pounds heavier than my lowest weight. But same as you, I just resolved to get back on it. In September I was 258. Today I'm at 195. If I can do it, you can too!! If I can help in any way, then please let me know!!

  4. Omg, that's WONDERFUL!!! I have never yet gotten into onederland. :( What's sad is that I was 215 about two or three months before my August vacation, and I was SURE I'd be in onederland by the time we left. Nope. :/

    If you can get me off my big mooshy butt and working out again, I'd appreciate it. LOL Actually, I'm going to start tomorrow. I'll ease into it with the 17-Day Diet's program, where you do two 17-minute workouts a day. It's too cold to walk, so I have to do something in my basement.

    I did the diet plan today and I think I did really well. As much as I hate to admit it, I do much better on a plan of some sort instead of left to my own devices.