Weight Loss Tracker

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Busy, blah, and bumfuzzled

I realize it's been over a week since I last posted. Part of this reason has been due to school work (TONS of reading for five classes). Another part is that I have not been very excited due to that gain after my 5-day pouch test that I STILL can't figure out. To be honest, I haven't been on the scale now for a number of days. I just can't take the aggravation of seeing numbers that I don't deserve.

I've also been dealing with a recuperating husband around the house, and I'm ready for THAT to be over, I've gotta tell ya... What is it about men that they just revert to babies over every little ouchie and boo-boo? He went to work yesterday after three weeks off, only to call me about 11:15 to say that he was coming back home -- and staying home this entire week.

I'm not only annoyed with him, but I'm stressing BADLY because his work contract ends on the 25th. And here he sits. Not looking for work. Nothing. I'ma gonna bust a cap in his ass real damn soon if he doesn't pull himself together. We went through this once before where he was laid off and didn't have work for TWO YEARS. Part of that was the economy -- we were in Houston at the time, and it occurred at the same time the whole Enron/Arthur Anderson thing went down. Houston's market was already iffy, and then they unleashed thousands more into the unemployed rosters.

Anyway, because I know of his prior history, I'm nothing but a bundle of nerves and knotted stomach over this. I'm seeing the same shit happening, and frankly, I just don't have the tolerance for it. HOWEVER, I don't have a damn thing I can DO about it, either. I'm a full-time student, for cryin' out loud, and even [u]IF[/u] everything goes the way I plan, I won't be done until January of 2011.

I have a therapy session tonight with my eating disorder doc, and I'm sure this will get heated. She wants me to try very hard to NOT take charge of everything and let him step up (though it'll be interesting to see what she says tonight since we will have NO INSURANCE and NO WORK in less than 10 days now), but c'mon, when the ship is going down and the captain is standing there frozen in fear, what do you do?? Step back and go down with him??

Yesterday I was a bit of a grazer. Nothing like I would have done a year ago, but still... I feel those old habits taking over. I'm craving savory foods and ice cream (though the other night I REALLY wanted some on my way home from school and I did NOT stop to get any). My reactionary habits are rearing their ugly heads, I'm not exercising... I just feel like I'm floundering. Not quite failing, but floundering.

Anybody who thinks the band is a magic bullet before they go into this has no idea. :(

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