It's been a bad week. Just plain bad. Really. Bad.
I'm sure it's a combination of looking for work/being out of work, having been denied unemployment, boredom, lack of initiative, and a severe brain disorder.
The GOOD news is I'm *only* up about two pounds. The bad news is I feel like I've been eating everything that's not nailed down. Less of it when it happens, but still. And ice cream. Eating around the band. With ice cream. When I feel like crap. Did I mention the ice cream?
I feel like a teenage boy has inhabited my body and is eating through house and home. Why can't I take on the other trait that teenage boys have and just have sex incessantly (well, or at least try to have sex incessantly... nobody says teenage boys actually succeed in this.)?
This has got to stop. Part of it is I feel hungry, but I think the line is blurred a bit as to how much of it is real hunger and how much is head hunger? However, when I eat I can eat a bit more than I should. I can say it's because I've "gotten smaller inside" (and maybe I have), but eating a Yugo is not necessarily better than eating a Buick. Both are large autos. And no good for you.
I've been so bummed I haven't even wanted to post here, but I told myself going into this that THIS is my journal, my gauge of how things are going with me. Besides maybe helping others, it is supposed to primarily help ME. I can't just post all the greatness of bandland because it's inherently dishonest. It's not always great. Not the band, necessarily, but us. We still struggle with the issues that made us eat to begin with. Putting a band around our stomachs never touches our issues; it just makes it harder to react by overeating. Now if only we could get a band for our heads. And if only instead of eating, I would actually clean this house. *sigh*
Arrrrrgggggghhhhhh, somebody snap me out of it!!!!!!!!
HEY YOU! SNAP OUT OF IT! There did that help?
ReplyDeleteFor real, so you made some bad choices this week. And if eating ice cream is wrong...who wants to be right? Whatever. Now you can get over it! Speaking of sex (you were not me), they say the best part of fighting is the makeup sex....perhaps the best part of fighting your band is doing better and getting back with the program! You have done awesome. Dont let one week of shit suck you down the rabbit hole.
Drink some water. Take something to make you poop (I did that this weekend bc it was a no-go situation in the pipes for me).
Get rid of the damn ice cream.
That's what I needed, Amy. Thank you. Now let's be sure my head follows track and helps me make the right decisions. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI just now got an e-mail that a job I was hoping I would be placed into is "no longer available." This effin' sucks.
But I'm gonna go get some water. So far today I haven't been bad. Right now I can only handle one day at a time, maybe just one hour at a time.
Hi Beth - an attempt to answer the question in the title of your post today... because one is a physical pleasure, and the other isn't... The feelings after the ice-cream are the worst, aren't they? We're all so familiar with self-hate. My present insulin-dependent diabetes was brought on several decades too early by the discovery of Hagen Dasz in the eighties, and I have to inject and test my blood twice a day each - four pricks, and that doesn't include my ex-husband. There are days I crave it so much that I almost don't care if I end up with an amputated leg, the destiny of some diabetics who neglect their condition, or blind, like an uncle of mine.
ReplyDeleteBoredom and unemployment are classic situations where you turn to food - and are temporary, so why not cut yourself some slack and just wait for the phase to pass? The band will still be there, waiting to be used. There's no deadline for achieving target weight...
Enjoy your blog, by the way - don't mean to preach!
Caroline
That's some excellent advice, Caroline.
ReplyDeleteI guess I still have the diet mentality of good and bad, pass or fail, etc. I know this will pass, and I need to remember that. Never took it as preaching... I asked people to snap me out of it, and that helps me take stock of the situation. Thanks! :)