...where you'd be in life if those closest to you were a more positive, uplifting force? It's something I think about quite often.
I have spent pretty much all of my life feeling inadequate, that I just didn't measure up, I wasn't good enough, or I would never amount to anything. This is true not only from those that mean the most to you, but maybe even those bully kids who made you feel less than, just because they could. The kids who were all too willing to bring you down so they could feel uplifted.
I'm tired of feeling like when I accomplish something or I'm working hard towards an accomplishment, that people have to point out the mistakes and bad choices that were made in my younger life rather than looking at how I'm excelling now. I'm busting my ass in so many ways, but somehow that gets overshadowed by the used-to-be's.
It's those things that seep into your psyche and make you feel like you can't do anything right, you'll never amount to anything, or in the past, like how dare I think I can actually diet and lose this weight! It's the constant feeding of negativity that just chips away at your self-perception, and your desire to even try. Why? You're just going to fail anyway, right? If all you ever feel is that you can't do it, you will always succeed at that, and you will always prove the critic right.
I can't begin to list how much hard work of mine has been abandoned because of those who have only seen fit to feed into the negativity and never show true faith in me. How different might I have been if those closest to me weren't so critical? :(
Amen sister! You are preaching to the choir! I feel the exact same way..... Like what I do now doesn't matter to a hill of beans because I was stupid in the past.... Oh well, at least we can see what we are doing and be happy and take pride in ourselves! YOU go girl!
ReplyDeleteBeth,
ReplyDeleteI agree - but sometimes I find myself thinking the same thing about others (leopards not changing their spots, etc). I suppose the difference lies in people not expressing these thoughts out loud.
The band is enabling me to put two fingers up at them behind their backs if they say it or look like they're thinking it... Getting to a weight you want to be will make you strong and you won't need them anyway.
Caroline
Bethny!
ReplyDeleteI think you are one awesome chick! I will help you kick ass on the Negative Nancy's in your life! Now, go stand in the mirror - look deep into your eyes and repeat after me
"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggonit people like me!!"
Love ya!
Hey Beth :)
ReplyDeleteI put a quote on my blog (upper right corner) that pretty much sums up just what you have written about. Actually theres two now I think of it. One is: No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. Yeah, it's a pretty broad sweep and easy to say and not do, but you know what: you are so worth it. You are a strong woman and stuff anyone who thinks otherwise. Hold your head up girl... you are tackling one of life's hardest roads, you are changing yourself.
x
It can be really hard when you feel all you've been fed all your life was negativity and naysaying. I don't know what the answer is or how to tackle it tactfully. I'm just feeling a bit raw right now over it because it just keeps seeming to rear its ugly head with different situations.
ReplyDelete