Weight Loss Tracker

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Those in glass houses...

I've sat on this for a few days because I'm just speechless, and NOW I'm getting angry. It's doubly hard when it's a family member that says or does something that is mean-spirited, uncalled-for, and ugly.

I mentioned a couple weeks ago what my sister said to me on Facebook (which is STILL there, I might add) about her new boyfriend mentioning that "at least he got the thin sister." Now she's going after my sister-in-law who is not only as cute as a button, but a genuinely nice person.

My brother wrote a funny e-mail to my mom (which then got shared with the rest of us) about my SIL:

So, for the last several nights, I've come home to [A] wearing her "comfy clothes"... Same pair of jeans and same t-shirt. Yesterday I said, "So, ah... I see you're wearing the same thing AGAIN...." She said, "What's the problem? I don't go out in these clothes; I'm just sitting on the couch." I said, "How about a little variety for when your hubby comes home?"

Today, I get home and she's wearing her wedding dress.....

This was followed by a picture he took with his cell phone. It was ADORABLE and truly funny.

My sister's reply?

I quite clearly saw her holding the back of her dress together, I assumed it was because she couldn't get it zipped up! LOLOL


Um... yeah.

Oh, and you can put all the LOLOLOL's you want behind ugly comments, but they're still UGLY. And NOT funny. Except, it seems, to my sister.

Okay, my SIL is maybe 120 pounds soaking wet (and I'd guess she's about 5'7" or so, like me), and she could pass for one of the teenagers she teaches, even though she is in her early 40s. Maybe she was 105 or 110 when she got married about 17 years ago (I'm not a good guesser, but she's always been thin). I'd give ANYTHING to look that good.

I don't know what's gotten into my sister, but I find that really REALLY ugly. I don't even know if it bothered my SIL, but it bothered me. THIS time I didn't keep my mouth shut; I simply wrote back as a "reply all" that she was getting really good at these weight-focused quips and that she must be practicing. Wink. o_0

Again, if my sister was the epitome of perfect living, MAYBE I could give her some slack. Okay, not really, but you get the point. She has a few MAJOR vices of her own that, I guess because they don't show like our weight does, she feels better than people with a weight problem. Granted, when she DOES work out, she work out a LOT -- probably TOO much, as it's almost manic when she does it -- but the primary reason she does it is because she drinks like nobody I've ever seen. Her functioning alcoholism is the elephant in the room that nobody ever addresses or talks about... to HER. All of us have discussed it, but never with her.

But I guess somehow being a food addict is somehow more distasteful than being an alcohol addict to some. And for what it's worth, she's been an alcoholic longer than I've been fat. But wait -- SHE is also a food addict. She's a recovering bulemic and anorexic. I told her one day years ago that the only difference between she and I is that I had never stuck my finger down my throat. However, as I think about this, that's not truly the ONLY difference because, though I have made horrible choices in food which have led to my weight gain, I have never binged.

People in glass houses...

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I'm such a loser

In a month's time, I'm down 12.5 pounds! YAY!

I have been doing very well on my eating program, eating good foods and drinking my water. I have also been exercising as I should (five days a week, but my two "off" days are days I have to trek across campus, so I at least get walking in). My body's been feeling the exercise, but I'd rather that than the alternative, which is to feel the exhaustion from the weight I'm carrying around.

It feels good to finally feel in control of what I'm doing.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Back on the bandwagon!

Well, since my mom's nice "pep talk" a few weeks ago, I am now officially down 10 pounds! It's a great start, and I'm very happy with it! Now it's time to head to the basement to get today's exercise in.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Balance and lack of core

Well, I incorporated a NEW exercise into my regimen today -- a balance disc! Wow, will THAT show you how bad your core is! There's a part of me that thinks it could be harder, but parts of it just are not do-able right now with my weight and lack of muscle tone (think planks and planks with leg raises).

However, I've reinstated my love affair with Richard. He's so sweet -- like the most hairy little girlfriend you have. lol

I have also noticed the difference between the videos I have -- on one side is Jillian screaming that you can do it, and on the other I have Richard and a few others lovingly telling you how great you're doing. I guess I pick what I'm going to do based on whether I need the harsh language or loving support.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

What is the difference between those who succeed and those who struggle?

I've been thinking about this a lot today. I go to some of your blogs and see HUGE success stories -- the weight has been lost in a year, maybe 18 months, and you're at goal or even below it. I can't tell you how inspirational your stories are! It proves that maybe we can also grasp that golden ring one day and "be there." Maybe WE can wear clothes that are single digits and don't begin with 1s or 2s or have an X in them. You inspire and awe me. And... honestly? I feel a bit envious of you. Not jealous like, "Arrrgh, I wish she was where I am so I could feel better about myself," but more like, "I wish I could feel that good about myself."

I am not one of those success stories. I won't beat myself up and be a downer because I AM 50 pounds down from where I began. I consider that a success in its own right (and for the sake of clarification in this entry, I will refer to those who are at or near goal as success stories, and those of us whose weight may still be bouncing around as the strugglers). But I wonder what is different in me and so many other friends I have that are banded who are struggling with their weight. A couple are struggling with their bands, but that's another story, something that can't be avoided.

I'm talking about those of us who still struggle with the food. I guess I sit here and wonder, since all of us obviously had issues with food which made us fat, how did the success story people overcome that? Was it that, unlike people like me, they considered the band "IT," the end of the line, the final stop on the diet yo-yo crazy ride, and they took it more seriously? It makes me wonder what is lacking in me that SURGERY still was not somehow enough to knock some sense into me. Again, I'm not beating myself up about what I HAVE accomplished, but I need to address these issues so I can keep myself on track and/or apply somebody's wisdom to my shortfalls.

I've been doing well on the 17-Day Diet, which tells me that I do better when I'm structured and not left to my own devices. I don't know if that will always be the case, but I have to be prepared that just eating small portions of junk will not do me any good. We all know the junk food is typically also a slider food, so where some may be able to eat a handful of chips, I can probably still eat half the bag. o_O

So I guess all this is to say that I see a lot more of us struggling -- so what are the success stories doing differently? I think I know the answer (eat well, exercise), but I can't help but wonder if there is more to it. If it's an internal flaw within myself, I don't know how to fix that.