Changin' some stinkin' thinkin'

I went on a fantastic walk/run this afternoon where I not only walked farther, pushing myself on distance, but I ran longer, pushing myself on endurance. On a side note, I came home and downloaded my GoWear Fit to take stock of how I did. Not only did I go just over three miles, but out of a 69-minute workout, 24 of them were vigorous! I have never had so many vigorous minutes logged before!

Though I was listening to my Walkman, I was thinking a bit and doing the math in my head about how long it had been since I had been banded and determining where I should be in my weight loss compared to where I actually am.

In the past, it was nothing for me to lose about 10 pounds a month. Since I have been banded eight months ago, naturally I'm thinking I should have 80 pounds gone. My mind immediately went to that place where I'm griping myself out and saying how I shoulda this and shoulda that, and I immediately stopped and told myself, "I am where I am." Sixty pounds is nothing to sniff at and is a huge progress. And... this is not a race. I'm not racing anybody else, and I am certainly not racing myself. Even my setbacks have only resulted in no weight loss rather than weight gain, which would have been the result without the band.

I am working very hard on dealing with my inner bastard who likes to keep me down and talk to myself in a way that I would never allow a stranger to do. I realize that this is as much mental as it is physical, even with the band. When I'm going through a hard time, I can either reach for the Klondike bar or I can go for a walk. It's MY choice.

And today I choose to love myself right where I am.