Reality sucks

My friend took me to her gym last Thursday to reward us for a 5 mile walk we forced our dogs to take with us. She thought how great it would be to soak in their hot tub and saunas, and I agreed.

After signing in and going through the mandatory sales pitch (which ended abruptly, amazingly enough, when I said I was without a job), we headed to the locker room to change into our suits. Well, I planned ahead and had mine on under my clothes, so all I had to do was disrobe.

What fun. Among all these perky bodies (mostly), here I am. But hey, I'm feeling good cuz I'm down 55 pounds, right? I'm feelin' hot...ish. I mean, clothes have been looking good on me so hey, why not wear a suit (a one piece, of course. It's the law when you're over 200 pounds). And then... I turn and look at about a football-field length of mirrors which are reflecting me in all their glory. WHO THE HELL IS THAT?? Omg, talk about taking the wind right out of your sails! I can only imagine it feels like it does when some frisky guy is about is to get lucky for the first time with a girl and she points and laughs at his teeny erect member. Total deflation.

To add insult to injury, when we went into the sauna, we disrobed down to towels. I was SO HAPPY that my towel wrapped around me and covered all my doo-dads, since I could never do that. Then I remembered -- I didn't just have a towel, I had brought one of those big bath sheets, a towel that could cover a king-sized bed. Second erection killer.

But it's all good. Still, I'm down 55 pounds. That's about the weight of a Smart Car, right?