I've missed you all so much. I know we don't know each other, but I have gleaned so much from so many of you, and I hope I have been able to do the same.
Erica hit the nail on the head. I saw that she and Caroline had both posted something to me in December and I just couldn't bring myself to come here or to deal with my issues. Well, it's a new year, and I have promised myself that I will get back on this horse and ride again.
Initially I was away because last semester was SO stressful and time-consuming. I didn't exercise at ALL and probably haven't done much beyond walk across campus for over six months now. However, as time went on, it got much more than just school stress. My weight, which at its lowest was about 220 (three months before Jamaica, and which I was going to attempt to get into the hundreds BY Jamaica) is now at 247. I don't think I have to tell any of you how devastating that is -- to get surgery and go so drastic and I am now going backwards. [OMG, how freaking depressing -- I went to modify my weight ticker to reflect honestly where I am, and in April of last year I was 215.6, not 220. Just shoot me now... :( ]
I had promised myself that no matter what, this blog would be my "diary" of the good AND the bad, and I did just as Erica said and went into hiding. I'm very good at that when things are going badly.
This is my first toe dip into the pool of my life again, and I will do whatever I can to continue exploring the good and the bad on my weight journey (I typed "loss" then erased it, considering that I've gained).
I hope you will all link arms with me and we can get through this together, good and bad. Thank you for hanging around.
So glad to have you back! You're in the right place girlie best wishes for road ahead - dont let it get you down stay on it - if only I could listen to my own advice!! Christmas and school holidays have hit hard here I'm like a bit fat mean lean eating machine caged in a prison of food! Oh the desperation!! Better times are ahead lets conquer these obstacles together! I'm with you girl!
ReplyDeleteMaking an honest inventory of the situation is the best place to start and that's what you've done. You can do this, the past is the past, we are all here to support you. Start fresh, the New Year is the best time to do it!
ReplyDeleteY'all are the best, and I really appreciate your support. I WILL get a handle on this.
ReplyDeleteShaggs, I did the 5-day pouch test right before Christmas, and I have to say it made a HUGE difference in the amount I can eat. I wholly recommend doing it to help shrink our pouches and also to help "center" us and get us back in the lap-band mindset.
Wow Beth, you've made my day! You've taken me totally by surprise. Thank you so much for saying this.
ReplyDeleteMy post about skulking was mainly referring to myself, though I know I'm fairly typical. But as I thought about it I realised that the blogging world isn't competitive, it CAN'T be. We don't know each other, and the help and support we all offer contains no self-interest... there's absolutely nothing in it for us. There's no "showing off", no "feeling inferior" because we are merely words and feelings, not faces and bodies, and that should make us more honest with each other. If it doesn't, and bloggers lie, then it really is most definitely THEIR loss.
You've been honest with yourself, with us. I'm not sure how you'll tackle the problem this year, but I know what I'm going to do, and that's to analyse why there are times of day I'm weak, why I turn to chocolate. The Christmas treats at the office finished yesterday - that'll help.
It's lovely to have you back - I used to enjoy your posts about the friends that annoyed you... you express irritation so well!! More!!!
Caroline
Oh, I have plenty about the foodie friends, Caroline. And it feels... good?... to be back. I'm feeling a bit raw. I don't come bearing great news, with excitement that I made some self-imposed goal or that I am wearing a new size (correction: A new SMALLER size). I come with my tail between my legs feeling like a failure, which I will get out of my system as immediately as possible and move forward.
ReplyDeleteErica - why don't you blog? You are in a place where so many of us are, and we could do with helping each other. Would love to know how you got on with the pouch test.
ReplyDeleteCaroline
Beth, please be kinder to yourself... You're not a failure, nor should you set goals. You're just human. And if you take a long time to do it, so what?
ReplyDeleteOur weakness shows unfortunately. How many men do you know who keep saying "Darn, I really must try harder not to flirt/have affairs/be unkind to my wife... I've failed this year, but heck I'll try again..." I DON'T THINK SO!!!
Caroline
Hear, hear!
ReplyDeleteI've never been good about keeping any type of diary or journal, but I created this blog to do that for myself AND for others. I thought it would help me see patterns, be honest with myself and others, and pay attention to what I'm doing.
I didn't even mention my two-year bandiversary in November because I couldn't find a reason to "celebrate" that milestone. :(
Caroline, I know you're right. I think because we view ourselves as having succeeded or failed in something, regaining weight is not a success. :/
ReplyDeleteAdditionally, I just got off a conversation with my mom (I'm visiting my folks this week) where she was "commenting" about my excuses for being heavier than I was this time last year. I find myself biting my lip instead of crying out, "DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW AND HAVEN'T BEATEN MY OWN SELF UP OVER THIS??" But I sat here and took it. Again.
Welcome back! Wipe the slate clean and look forward, that is all you can do and we will all be here with you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jacquie. I will do just that. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired with myself.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this Beth!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sarah. I'm going to go back to what I know and let my band work for me.
ReplyDelete