My ass hurts

Decided to take the new rollerblades out (you know, the NEW ones I got more than a month ago? >rolls eyes<) and give 'em a spin.

So I get all geared up at the little park I was running/walking last week and get started and realize I'm going downhill a teeny bit. No problem... except that I start gaining speed. And then BLAMMO, my feet go out from under me and I fall onmy ass and hit my head. Which is the very moment that I realized that in all the time and energy it took me to get all the pads and blades on, I forgot to put on my helmet. OUCH!

So I gather up what's left of my pride and walk my happy ass (now my hurtin' ass) back to the bench and put on my helmet, hoping nobody saw that.

I get going a bit further, and now I'm on a slight incline. Except no matter what I'm trying to do, my feet are going every which way like Bambi his first time on the ice. Except not quite as graceful. Or pretty. This time I fall forward on my hands and knees (thankfully padded).

I go a bit further and get to another bench and need to rest. I mean, I had gone about HALF this itty bitty park. Hadda regain my composure and my breath.

So by now there are other people in the park. Nothing like being totally uncoordinated (okay, FALLING) with an audience. I get going a bit, start another little incline, and my newly wheeled feet again hava a mind of their own and >SPLAT< down I go flat on my stomach.

By now I've had all the physical pain and mental humiliation I can handle and decide to gimp back to the bench I started at and de-blade.

And I'm thinking, "Why on EARTH would ANYbody START learning how to do this at 44 years of age? I must be a mental midget."