Overcoming Mental Blocks to Weight Loss

I know that I can be my biggest sabateur, my own worst enemy, the one who will beat myself up with self-loathing when I would never allow anybody else to talk to me that way. These things, I know, set us up to fail, create a mental environment that dooms us to never accepting where we are at in our journey, how far we've come, and how well we're doing. I suffer from this terribly. I thought I would share another article from Emotional Health:


Your mind can play tricks on you, but it can also play a role in your ultimate diet success. Here's how to beat the mental obstacles that can keep you from losing weight.

By Diana Rodriguez
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

Sometimes being on a diet just seems overwhelming. You might feel as though you don't have the heart to stay in the weight-loss fight. Well, it's not always your heart that keeps you from diet success — sometimes it's all in your head.

Weight loss: Think Before You Eat

One of the main reasons that diets fail is because people approach weight loss the wrong way. "Targeting that diet mentality is really the key," says Martin Binks, PhD, director of behavioral health research at the Duke Diet and Fitness Center and assistant professor at the Duke University Medical Center in Durham, N.C. "If I had to pick one thing I could fix to stop diets from failing, it would be all-or-nothing thinking and all-or-nothing acting,"

Binks works to get individuals to set small, realistic goals instead of big, sweeping ones. "If you went into every situation without thinking it's all or nothing, you're much more likely to moderate what you eat," he explains. "Start thinking about the hundreds and hundreds of mini-decisions we make in a day."

Small decisions and exchanges — like eating only half of a cookie instead of a whole one or adding a few short, quick walks to your overall exercise program — are what ultimate lead to weight loss. "If I could get people to think a little differently day to day, it would make a huge difference," he says.

Weight Loss: Overcoming Mental Obstacles

Another mental obstacle dieters face is giving up on themselves, says Anne Wolf, RD, a registered dietitian and researcher at the University of Virginia School of Medicine. "They don't believe they really can do it," says Wolf. "But once they see that other people have lost weight, they realize, 'I can do that, too.'"

She also sees individuals begin a weight-loss plan out of anger or take a "no pain, no gain" mentality when it comes to weight loss. "Anger is not [the same as] a commitment," notes Wolf. "If you can stay on a program that causes no pain and you gradually lose weight over the year, that's great."

Weight Loss: Finding a Healthy Mindset

"I tried to lose weight twice before I made the permanent lifestyle changes necessary to accomplish my goals," says John from Fairfax, Va. When he made the decision to get serious about weight loss, it was because he realized that not only was his weight unhealthy, but so was the way he thought about his weight and his health.

"I remember going shopping for bigger pants again, and sitting in the store and looking at the 44W rack, thinking I could probably save money if I just got the 46W and grew into them — talk about surreal," says John.

That moment made him realize that his thought process had to change and led to a 70-pound weight loss. "Luckily, I had a moment of clarity and realized how self-destructive my logic was," says John.

The trigger that makes you realize you don't lose weight through a diet, but through a lifestyle change, is different for everyone. Drastic dieting can be a vicious cycle that leaves people angry, depressed, frustrated, and finally just giving up. But if you learn a healthy way to approach weight loss, both mentally and physically, you can ultimately find success.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/weight/overcoming-mental-blocks-to-weight-loss.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthEmotionalHealth_20090817

How to Boost Your Self-Esteem

Yes, another article from Emotional Health. :) I know that I suffer from a lousy self-esteem (even before I gained weight), and it sure hasn't gotten better since getting fat. I thought I would pass this on:


You can relearn how to feel good about yourself by following your depression treatment plan and taking better care of your needs.

By Krisha McCoy, MS
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

Almost everyone experiences a bout of low self-esteem at some point in life. But for some, especially those suffering with depression , chronic low self-esteem can be a debilitating symptom that spirals out of control, keeping you from enjoying life and accomplishing the things you want to do.

Low Self-Esteem: How Does It Happen?

A person can create his own low self-esteem cycle, or events that occur can bring it on. The former happens when you judge yourself harshly, telling yourself that you are worthless. As for the latter, dealing with a stressful situation such as a disability or a loss of a job can make it hard to feel good about yourself. How others treat you, as well as how you get along with others, can also affect your self-esteem.

It may not always be possible to control your inner thoughts. And you often have no control over the events that unfold in your life. But if you suffer from low self-esteem, there are things you can do to boost your self-image.

Low Self-Esteem: How to Fight It

Often, traditional treatments for depression, such as medication and psychotherapy, can help. Getting into a therapy or support group is the first thing people who are depressed should do to boost their self-esteem, says Julie Walther Scheibel, a counselor at Concordia Seminary Counseling and Resource Center in St. Louis.

Besides following your doctor’s recommendations, here are other steps to consider that may improve low self-esteem:

* Get some exercise. Walther Scheibel recommends exercise for people who are dealing with low self-esteem as a symptom of depression. Making exercise a part of your regular routine can help you feel better emotionally and physically.

* Eat a healthful diet. Avoiding foods high in sugar, fat, or salt, and eating fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and low-fat dairy products is an important part of taking good care of yourself — the healthier you feel, the better you will feel about yourself.

* Make the time to participate in activities you enjoy. Carve out time each day to do something you really like, such as listening to music, playing a musical instrument, or working on a craft project. Enjoyable activities can make you feel better, thereby improving your low self-esteem.

* Be productive. Completing everyday tasks like cleaning your kitchen, organizing your junk drawer, getting your laundry done, or paying your bills on time will give you a sense of accomplishment.

* Stay connected socially. Even though it can sometimes be difficult just to get out of bed when you are depressed, it can help to spend time with people who are good to you and who can make you feel good about yourself.

* Practice good self-care. Shower regularly, brush your teeth, dress in nice clothes, keep your hair trimmed, and do other things that make you more confident about your physical appearance. Feeling better about how you look on the outside will leave you feeling better inside.

Depression can make it hard to find the energy and motivation to take care of yourself. But taking time to focus on you can improve your self-esteem and make you feel better all around.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/boost-your-self-esteem.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthEmotionalHealth_20090729

Carbohydrates: Your Diet's Fuel

Another Diet and Nutrition article. I realize a lot of our doctors focus on protein, protein, protein, and carbs have been made out to be the evil reason for our weight gain, but I thought I'd focus a bit on what types of carbs we should focus on in our limited food-intake diets. Here's what they say:


Many fad diets give carbohydrates a bad rap, leading you to believe that they're the cause of unwanted weight gain. But carbs are an essential part of a healthy diet.

By Diana Rodriguez
Medically reviewed by Lindsey Marcellin, MD, MPH

Before you feast on chicken and boycott carbs, take a closer look at U.S. Food Pyramid. Carbohydrates are highlighted as an important part of a healthy diet, and not banned by any means. Your body needs a wide variety of foods to function and stay healthy.

"Carbohydrate is one of the macronutrients that we need, primarily for energy," says Sandra Meyerowitz, MPH, RD, a nutritionist, online nutrition coach, and owner of Nutrition Works in Louisville, Ky. While fats and protein are also necessary for energy, they're more of a long-term fuel source, while carbohydrates fulfill the body's most immediate energy needs. "It's your body's first source of energy — that's what it likes to use," adds Meyerowitz. Why does the body prefer carbs? Specifically because they're easier and faster to break down and use than proteins or fats, she explains. So don't deny your body what it needs to keep up with your active lifestyle.

What Are the Types of Carbohydrates?

There are two types of carbohydrates: simple and complex. Complex carbohydrates, which should make up most of your carbohydrate intake, require more work and take longer for your body to break down.

"It's a slower process," says Meyerowitz. But that’s a good thing — while simple carbohydrates are broken down more quickly, they don't do much for your body. Because complex carbohydrates are broken down slowly, they give your bloodstream a more consistent level of energy, so you avoid the "highs and lows" that simple carbohydrates can give you, explains Meyerowitz.

What's the Best Source of Carbs?

You need to get between 50 and 60 percent of your daily calories from carbohydrates, according to Meyerowitz. Most should be whole grains and other complex carbohydrates, but the fiber in fruits and vegetables make them a good simple carbohydrate choice. If you don't get enough carbohydrates, you run the risk of depriving your body of the calories and nutrients it needs, or of replacing healthy carbs with unhealthy fats .

To get the carbs you need, fill your plate with the best carbohydrate sources for your body:

Whole grains like barley, bulgur, buckwheat, quinoa, and oats
Whole-wheat and other whole-grain breads
Brown rice
Whole-wheat pasta
Fruits and vegetables
Beans, lentils, and dried peas
Whole-grain cereals like 100 percent bran
This doesn't mean that you're never allowed to have a sweet treat for dessert, a bowl of white rice, or a baked potato. It just means that those should be the exceptions instead of everyday carbohydrate selections.

At the same time, you should also avoid loading up on complex carbohydrates or making them your primary source of calories. A diet too rich in even complex carbohydrates — or in any food — packs more calories into your body, which eventually leads to weight gain.

Complex carbohydrates are good for you, so don't look at a bowl of hearty whole-wheat pasta or brown rice as a bad thing or a big diet no-no. Instead, consider it a source of healthy fuel that your body needs to maintain consistent energy.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/diet-nutrition/101/nutrition-basics/what-about-carbohydrates.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthDietandNutrition_20090801

Hi, I'm an overweight, middle-aged co-ed. How are you?

So I start school tomorow... *tremble* I've been spending all day getting ready, washing clothes, marking books so I know what days I need which books, taking the two syllabi I have so far and transferring the data into a day planner, marking my folders, putting all my pens and pencils in a little pencil bag, etc. Yep, total anal geek. With five classes. And two days out of the week my classes fall over dinnertime. Ugh.

What's worse is that Mondays I have split classes. The first one goes from 1:15 to 4:30, and the second one goes from 7:20 to 10:00. ARRRGGGHHH! So for tomorrow, since I will be on day three of the pouch test, I'll be taking stuff like tuna, egg salad, and salmon cups.

And since the 5-day pouch test has now turned into the 7-day pouch test for me, I'm really looking forward to Wednesday when I can have steak. YUM! :P

A Healthy Breakfast for Weight-Loss Success

I get daily e-mails from sites such as Emotional Health, Diet and Nutrition, and Jillian Michaels, and this morning this one was waiting for me from Diet and Nutrition. I know that I am not always the best about eating breakfast in the morning, but here is some really great information about why you should eat -- and what.


A Healthy Breakfast for Weight-Loss Success
Your breakfast choices lay the foundation for your entire day and your long-term health. But you don't have to stick with the traditional options.

By Madeline Vann, MPH
Medically reviewed by Christine Wilmsen Craig, MD

Whether you prefer eggs, yogurt, or oatmeal, getting a healthy breakfast under your belt sets the tone for a day of weight control and fewer calories overall. In fact, research shows that people who start their day with breakfast make healthier choices and have a lower body mass index in general. The breakfast effect is even stronger for women than men.

"If we skip breakfast, we'll make unhealthier choices at lunch. People who skip breakfast eat more during the day," says Emily Banes, RD, clinical dietitian at the Houston Northwest Medical Center. This is partly due to a thought process in which people believe — incorrectly — that if they don't eat breakfast, they can eat more at lunch or dinner.

Here's the reality. On a physiological level, your breakfast choices — or lack of them — can set off a cycle of cravings and blood sugar spikes that spells doom for weight control. Better to start the day with stable blood sugar and ultimately fewer calories, courtesy of breakfast, says Banes.

Breakfast Calories: What to Eat

You may have to find your perfect breakfast food through a trial and error process. Banes advises thinking outside the breakfast box. It's fine if you prefer a small turkey sandwich or a hard-boiled egg to traditional breakfast foods, she says. Here are other ideas:

Consider whole grains. Whole grains are a good choice because they keep you feeling full, according to a dietary study that compared feelings of satisfaction between people who ate a hot whole-grain cereal for breakfast and those who ate refined wheat bread. Those who ate the whole-grain breakfast reported feeling less hungry over the following eight hours than the comparison group.

Opt for eggs. A study of people between the ages of 25 and 60 who were trying to lose weight found that those who ate two eggs for breakfast lost 65 percent more weight than those who ate bagels, and they also reported having higher energy levels throughout the day. Although this study showed no effect of egg consumption on cholesterol levels, Banes cautions that this may not be the right choice if you already have high cholesterol. Ask your doctor about egg-white alternatives.

Avoid high-sugar choices. Eating doughnuts, breakfast pastries, and sugary cereals may begin that cycle of cravings and blood sugar lows that can undermine your efforts.

Breakfast Calories: Ideas for Slow Starters

Not everyone leaps out of bed ravenously hungry.

"When you first wake up in the morning, if you are not a breakfast person, but you can eat two hours later, that's fine. Have a little yogurt with cereal in it, a little bit of peanut butter on some crackers, or a granola bar with a little bit of protein in it. It doesn't have to be traditional breakfast foods," says Banes.

Once you find the breakfast options that suit your diet and your taste buds, plan ahead so that these foods are on hand when you want them — and you can solidify a healthy habit that will last a lifetime.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/weight/eating-a-healthy-breakfast.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthDietandNutrition_20090816

>insert long LP needle scratch sound here<

Okay, I was rocking along with the five-day pouch test, and then... our neighbors invited us over for dinner at the last minute last night. It was one of those, "Have y'all had dinner yet?" And before I thought of it, I said no. So... the end of day two of liquids and I'm eating. Which I'm guessing messes me up for the pouch test.

I wrote on LBT to see if anybody there has done the pouch test and what they would do -- either do one more day of liquids today and begin soft solids tomorrow, or just plain old start over. So... I've decided to just start over. I may as well. What's one more day of liquids if I was going to do that today anyway?

The one reason I was really looking forward to just going forward with the original plan was because come Monday, when I start school, I'd be on my fifth day and wouldn't have to worry so much about what I did. But now I'll only be on day three, which will mean I'll have to pack some stuff to take with me in a cooler.

Anyway... kinda sucks. But I've gotta say, dinner was mighty good last night: bbq chicken on the grill, grilled onions, grilled poblano and jalapeno peppers filled with cheese, and butter beans. Mighty good. :P

Day one, and all is good

Here is day one and two's instructions (the underlined words are hyperlinks):

Days 1 & 2: Liquid Protein
low-carb protein shakes, broth, clear or cream soups, sugar-free gelatin and pudding. Carb Monster Soup Mixes.

Recipes for Days 1 & 2

The first two days are all liquids. You can have as many low-carb protein shakes as you like to satisfy hunger or cravings. In addition drink at least six 8-ounce glasses of water each day. The purpose of all liquids is to break any snacking, grazing or processed carbohydrate habits. In addition the liquids will work to cleanse your system and prepare you for the following three days.

Try to reduce your caffeine intake as well, but do not stop caffeine cold turkey or you will feel sick and frustrated potentially losing the desire to continue with the pouch test.

It is very important to drink a minimum of 64 ounces of water each day. This will prevent dehydration, will help curb cravings and will flush your body of toxins and fat. Sufficient water intake improves kidney function and cell processes.


If you notice symptoms of carbohydrate withdrawal you can eat a small piece of melon or an orange. You can also try a dose of Emergen-C which should reduce headache, dizziness or cramping from carbohydrate withdrawal.

Feed the Carb Monster: Recipes for Days 1 & 2

Feeling nauseated? Try sipping some freshly brewed warm green tea. You can add fresh ginger juice to further ease the symptoms of stomach distress and nausea. The nauesea may be the result of a switch from carbohydrate slider foods to richer proteins and the ingredients in the protein shakes.


When we fought to get the surgery we were personally empowered. We had to be, there aren't many advocates out there fighting on the behalf of the morbidly obese.

Yet somehow, if we get to comfortable in our post weight loss surgery life there is a tendency to lose that hell-bent determination. Perhaps we take it for granted. Maybe we just get bored or distracted. Maybe we get discouraged because life after surgery has not been without struggle. Any of these things can cause us to lose hope or feel like failures. I have gone through periods of sadness and suffered feelings of failure since my weight loss surgery. Don't we all? This despair only festers if we regain some weight or sit on a plateau for an extended length of time.

But just like we can work a plan to test the pouch and get back on track, we can mentally train our mind to get back to being hell-bent determined to take personal control of our health. LivingAfterWLS is here to champion you in the cause, we are advocates who believe you deserve to be healthy, you deserve to be kind to yourself and you deserve to achieve the greatest level of success with weight loss surgery when you harness your inner resources.

http://www.5daypouchtest.com/plan/days1_2.html

Gonna do me a pouch test

After the week (more than a week now >gulp<) that I've had eating like a total splooge, I'm going to do my first five-day pouch test. Granted, it's really not much different from what I have to do after getting a fill, except it looks like it's five days of ALL protein and no carbs whatsoever.

I know many people have used it to re-dedicate, or rein themselves back in, or even to test their pouch -- sometimes believing it even "shrinks" it back to where it should be.

I don't know about all that, but I do need to get myself back out of vacation mode and start eating well. I didn't have much today (also not good), but a few of my choices were not the best if only because I didn't have many things to choose from. I found myself running last-minute errands before school starts on Monday, and I had to pick DH up from the hospital, so the first thing I stuck in my mouth came from a vending machine inside the hospital at about 2pm. Never a good scenario (I forgot my protein shake, boo).

So tomorrow I'll do this and get my mind and body back on track.

Anybody who doesn't know about it, here is a link:

http://www.5daypouchtest.com/plan/theplan.html

Tossing ice cream -- in the garbage, this time

Yeah, no PBing on ice cream.

Wanted some tonight with my late dinner (after being at the hospital with DH all day), and those evil men, Ben and Jerry, were calling to me again. And because I was tired and in a weakened state, having hardly eaten all day, I succumbed.

I had maybe 1/4 of the container, but I have decided that I don't want to visit with them again tomorrow, so the remainder of the pint has made it into the garbage.

Guess I need to see if my favorite flavor is offered in those tiny mini cups they now sell. Or, better yet, I should not.

Enough stress for a small Aboriginal community

Hubby is going into surgery tomorrow for his neck. It's been hurting him for YEARS now, and of course he ignored me when I asked, then told, then INSISTED that he go see somebody about it. Sure enough, two ruptured disks. And omg, ladies, you KNOW how our men get when they have a hangnail. I'ma gonna wanna ask how likely the doctor will be in giving ME some meds for MY troubles. ;)

Add to that the fact that it finally hit home/sank in/the light bulb went off that hubby's work contract ends on September 25. I know he's mentioned it before, but I guess I kept thinking it would be extended. Not to be. It was originally awarded by the government to a "small company," which he was a part of when we first moved here. It has since been bought by a mammoth company which makes it disqualified to continue the contract. So now he's applying for jobs and had an interview on Friday, but we've been through the job-search drama and near-murder scenario before, and I hafta say, he barely made it through with his life. And now we live somewhere that is ten THOUSAND times more expensive. I'm........ speechless.

Because of this, I'm a bit stumped as to what to do for school. It starts one week from today, and here I am, all student loaned out and books bought, maps printed, syllabi coming in via e-mail, parking permits received... and now this. I already asked him what I should do, should I put school on hold and get ANY job? He seems to think it's okay to go forward as planned since I've been so dedicated. Um, 'kay, but will they send copies of my transcript to the box under the bridge that we will have to move to?

And we still don't know what's wrong with my dad. Before I went up for the visit, we were told he had a "mass" that was showing up in his MRI on the left side of his head behind the ear. Total freak-out, no doubt, but an ENT doc seems to think it's possibly mastoiditis, which is an infection. However, though he's been having dizzy spells which have brought him to his knees, he is STILL driving, STILL climbing ladders in neighbor ladies' houses doing things for them, and my mom and I are fit to be tied. The guy's either going to be the death of himself or the death of us. The trick is trying to figure out which one of us he'll kill first. I guess the one rule I ought to insist upon is that he does not drive my mother ANYwhere. Losing both of them at once is certainly something that could be avoided.

I have to laugh or I'd be losing it big time about now.

Oh, yummy Goobers, why do I love thee?

Of course, the intellectual that I am, I decided to bring HOME the snacks I didn't finish on vacation: Chex Mix and Goobers (economy bag, not just the box) among them.

See, I was so despondent at buying the Brach's brand double-dipped peanuts that I felt the only right thing to do would be to get the REAL thing: Goobers.

I only ate on them one night while I was away but that's only because I was going into sugar shock from all the ice cream... so I was full up. But since I had bought all these things, I felt it was my duty, nee right, to bring them WITH me for nearly 600 miles because, hey, a girl's gotta eat, right? :o|

So today was GOING to be liquids (okay, the whole week if I had my way, just to make up for the damage I've no doubt done), but at lunch the two remaining eggs in the fridge sounded good. Not too bad, right?

But... those were soon followed by Chex Mix, and to counteract all the salt, I needed to sugar up with the Goobers, right?

Holy cow.

It's bad enough that I ate at ALL today after having PBed for 20 miles yesterday, but this is how I "return to normal"?? I'm doomed.

The only good news is it's all gone now, and I have NO plans on buying any more. And I feel blech.

PBing going 70 miles an hour down the highway

Yes, boys and girls, it was JUST as fun as imagined. More, actually. I mean, I've always been able to multi-task, but wow... puking into a bag to Jason Mraz while catapulting down the highway with the top down is Just. So. Fun.

I was on the road all day yesterday, driving nearly 600 miles from my folks' house, and because I barely stop to pee, I really don't take the time to eat anything of any sustenance. All I had was junk (a continuation of the week I had spent there), and at one point I decided to stop at Micky D's and get some chicken nuggets because the thought of trying to eat a burger kinda scared me.

When I got there a small fry also sounded good, so I got both and ate the fries in the car as I sat in the parking lot. I took to the road and started on those yummy, delicious, real meat pieces of chicken heaven (okay, I know, but they USED to seem that way once, right?). The next thing I realize is I'm feeling that tight pain that comes with a PB. Seriously? NOW?? Holy cow.

I clear out the bag my golden goodies came in and utilized it in a way that it was not meant. I don't mean that to state the obvious -- just think paper bag and wet. Yeah, I think you get the idea without me painting you a mental picture that you will NOT thank me for.

So... to save my cloth seats I start ripping stuff out of my cooler that's in the front floorboard, knowing that there was a plastic bag in there. Whew, and none too soon, either.

However, the PBing continued for a bit longer, and I'm sure if anybody looked over, they saw this fat chick in a convertible whizzing past with what looked like a feed bag plastered to her face. I'm only thankful beyond words that if it HAD to happen this way, it wasn't in the stop-and-go traffic I ran into 20 miles further up the road.

Why vacations are evil and other observations

Okay, so I've been visiting the folks since last Saturday, and I feel like I've done nothing but nibble and eat crap for five freakin' days. Even bought some candy to go with the movies we rented the other day (Brach's double-dipped chocolate covered peanuts) because, hey, I guess I just figure that any calories taken in on vacation don't count, right? >rolls eyes<

So I'm eating on these chocolate-covered peanuts last night and thinking, "Hmm, I don't even know if I like these." I was looking for good old-fashioned Goobers, but they were not to be found -- so I settled on these others. So what do I do? Eat MORE of them today, only to proclaim afterwards that I don't really like them. Um, so WTF?? WHY was I continuing to eat them??? Arrrghhhh....

I'm beginning to feel part of it is stress eating as well. Hubby informed me yesterday that he's having surgery done on his neck on Tuesday to try to alleviate the pain he's been having from his neck down his arm for five years now. Yes, you heard me right. Five. Years. They found that two of his disks are deteriorated pretty badly and his options were cortisone shots, physical therapy, doing nothing, or surgery. Well, obviously the first three wouldn't take care of the problem, so he opted for surgery.

I've also come to the realization that, like he says, I really DON'T listen to a dadgum thing he says. To make things even MORE stressful, he says that as of September 25, his job contract ends. Now, I was under the impression that some months back they were cleared for another three years, but apparently that was not the case. SOMETHING they wanted was extended for three years, but obviously it wasn't the job. So... in just barely over a month, we could be out of ANY job. I'm not working and haven't been since the end of March, and we ALL know how the job market has been lately. I'm more than a little nervous. I'm almost sick to my stomach over it.

What makes things worse is that he's not a super go-getter. He lost his job some years back and was out of permanent work for two years. He was able to get some short-term contract jobs here and there, but that was after probably being without work for a year. AND they didn't offer insurance. So here we were, for two years -- two adults and a child -- with no insurance. And him pretty much in meltdown mode. Not listening to anybody and their suggestions. It was ugly. My church friends were saying they would have left him. Women that I considered more Christian than myself. Go figger.

And here I signed on for a full load of classes. Had I known this about his job, I would have taken on ANY job ANYwhere rather than trying to find something that would fit what I want to do (though there's no guarantee that the outcome would have been any different) just to have SOMEthing coming in. So now I have to go home and talk with him over the next couple weeks and determine if I'm going to quit school before I ever start. Classes begin a week from Monday, on the 31st. Up until a certain point even after classes start, I can get a 100 percent refund.

This is just too much...

I'm as dumb as a box of rocks. Seriously.

The folks took me out tonight to meet a group of people from their neighborhood, and it was a Chinese restaurant whose primary business seems to be buffet -- Chinese, Mongolian-style, and sushi.

Okay, granted I didn't eat ANYWHERE like I used to, I still walked away stuffed. My mouth wants to taste all these goodies but my stomach can't hold them. And I KNOW this. I can't believe I didn't PB or just pull a Mr. Creosote (think Monty Python) and explode all over the restaurant. :)

The good news is I wasn't as uncomfortable as I HAVE been in the past, but still... it was more than a half-cup of food, that's for sure. :(

So... when does it finally sink in? >sigh<

The good news is, either they have not maintained the quality I remember from a few years back, or my tastes have just changed and I can't appreciate stuff like this anymore.

Vacations and PBing on ice cream

I'm visiting my folks before I delve into the life of a co-ed at the end of this month, and so far it's going... okay.

No, nothing's wrong on the personal front with the folks. I just slip into that "vacay mode" and do and eat things I normally wouldn't, for starters. Ice cream and tons of pasta are not typically on the menu. Except when I'm away from home, it seems. >sigh<

Add to that the fact that I'm still trying to break in the new Skechers which re-blistered my heels (which took a week to heal the FIRST time they did that to me) and I most certainly have not been able to utilize my time very well.

The good news is, when I prepare my plate for dinner, my dad says, "Is that all?" Um, yeah. That's all. I don't eat a gargantuan heaping mega-plate full of food once a day like he does, so I'm sure a "regular" meal looks alien to him.

However, I don't expect good results by the time I get home. Good news is, I'll probably be so busy with school that I'll forget to eat for the next four months. :)

School and butterflies

Well, I don't think I've written about it much here because I focus more on weight loss and the band than many other areas of my life here (well, except for hubby, lol), but the butterflies are starting. However, keeping eating in check. Still 227.5 this morning. YAY! :)

I have been out of work since the end of March and have been actively looking for many months now. As time was going on, I started to realize that this could take a while and I'm whiling away my time doing a lot of nothing. I was working full-time while going to school part-time for the last year and-a-half, so I figured if I was going to end up sitting here anyway, why not go to school full-time and get my degree? I've already sat here five months (by the time I start school), more than a semesters' worth... and so many jobs require a degree anyway, so...

Anyway, I have signed up for five classes -- 17 credit hours (18 is the school's max)! Omg, wth am I thinking? I just got a syllabus e-mailed to me by one of my instructors and it's really hitting home how busy I'm going to be. I've always put good effort into my college schooling (I'm emphasizing "college" because I certainly didn't care in high school). I was on the dean's list while working full-time, so obviously it matters to me. But I've never gone full-time before and hope I am not spreading myself thin.

Then I remember that ditsy hormonal pimple-faced kids who are all about partying and getting laid do it all the time. Shoot, if they can do it, so can I.



Right...?

Sweet spot, perhaps?

Went in for a fill assessment under fluro yesterday, and he's very happy with where things are. He said if anything, if he were to stick a needle in me, it might be to take a teeny bit out. Of course I didn't choose to go under the needle. lol

I was down six pounds from last month, but he was taking my weight at home sans clothing. Of course there, at the surgery center (not his office), it showed about 2.5 pounds more than that. So he put me down at the 229 I was at yesterday morning at home. That was nice. :)

I was VERY careful about 97 percent of the time last month -- logging food (except when I was out of town) and doing absolutely NO emotional eating at all. If anything, due to some heavier-than-normal stressors, I really found myself NOT hungry pretty often and had to make myself eat. I honestly think I would have lost more weight if I had eaten a bit more, especially the last couple weeks. In doing my logging, I was getting maybe 800 to 900 calorie in but expending about 2400 to 2500. The numbers SOUND good, but over tiime it can actually work against you and your body can think you're starving. It's all about finding that balance, I suppose.

On a GOOD NOTE, I am very psyched today!! I have bobbled up and down the same five pounds for THREE MONTHS now -- some of it due to my choices, but some not. Just the scales not responding. But today... today I hit a new low. Before today, my low had been 228.5, but this morning it was 227.5! WOO HOO!

New shoes, new bum?

Okay, apparently the new rave has been the new(?) Skechers Shape-Up shoes, and a few people on LBT have gotten and have been using them. They claim they've been seeing a difference in their legs and bums from them. So... I started researching.

The feedback seems good, but I'm still not certain it's not due to the fad, but I looked around and, after NOT finding them anywhere, finally found them at Dick's Sporting Goods. However, I had a 20% off coupon for Famous Footwear (who would have had to order the shoes for me). Thankfully Dick's saw they had a sale if they would take the competitor's coupon, and I was off with my new shoes for $20 less than expensive.

I took the dogs for a walk with them and I have to say they are comfortable. I'm not sure if I was working new muscles with them, but I did feel a bit more winded than normal. Again, not sure if it's my imagination or not. Some people had complained that they were heavier because of the thick soles, but I didn't find that to be the case at all. They are very lightweight and, because my walk is more of a lazy schlepp, it makes me have to pick my feet up more so I don't trip myself.

I'm not sure how long it will take to tell if they're working my bum, especially since I STILL hurt from falling off my rollerblades. :) But the only thing that does suck right now is the two nice blisters I have on my heels from aggressively wearing and using new shoes. I hate that... :(

Okay, NOW I'm ready to slit my wrists with a spork

Thought I would at least see if the MEASURING TAPE has done the movement that the scale has not. I only got halfway through my chart and the numbers are IDENTICAL to the last time I did it. And that was WHEN???

>goes to look<

MAY EFFIN' TWELFTH!!!!

Um, ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME???

Okay, this is crap.

My ass hurts

Decided to take the new rollerblades out (you know, the NEW ones I got more than a month ago? >rolls eyes<) and give 'em a spin.

So I get all geared up at the little park I was running/walking last week and get started and realize I'm going downhill a teeny bit. No problem... except that I start gaining speed. And then BLAMMO, my feet go out from under me and I fall onmy ass and hit my head. Which is the very moment that I realized that in all the time and energy it took me to get all the pads and blades on, I forgot to put on my helmet. OUCH!

So I gather up what's left of my pride and walk my happy ass (now my hurtin' ass) back to the bench and put on my helmet, hoping nobody saw that.

I get going a bit further, and now I'm on a slight incline. Except no matter what I'm trying to do, my feet are going every which way like Bambi his first time on the ice. Except not quite as graceful. Or pretty. This time I fall forward on my hands and knees (thankfully padded).

I go a bit further and get to another bench and need to rest. I mean, I had gone about HALF this itty bitty park. Hadda regain my composure and my breath.

So by now there are other people in the park. Nothing like being totally uncoordinated (okay, FALLING) with an audience. I get going a bit, start another little incline, and my newly wheeled feet again hava a mind of their own and >SPLAT< down I go flat on my stomach.

By now I've had all the physical pain and mental humiliation I can handle and decide to gimp back to the bench I started at and de-blade.

And I'm thinking, "Why on EARTH would ANYbody START learning how to do this at 44 years of age? I must be a mental midget."

"Hey there, skinny!"

My friend and neighbor (and fellow bandster) said that tonight when she and her hubby came by for something. We've both been so busy that I swear we probably haven't seen each other in at least two weeks.

However, I feel anything but skinny. My GoWear Fit has proven to me that for the last three-plus months I've either bounced up and down the same few pounds OR I've just stayed stagnant. Since my last fill I've been about 95 percent good about logging what I've been eating and getting out for exercise no less than four times a week. But still, the scale fights me.

I think tonight would be a good time to do some measurements, something I haven't done in a while, just to see if ANYthing is changing.