Okay, PLEASE remind me it's a journey, not a race!

Every day for the last two+ weeks I get on the scale and I'm SO not impressed. It just keeps moving up and down the same couple pounds!! It's not fair *she whined*, especially since I've been working SO hard at this. I try to convince myself that it's must my body fighting against the nearly 50 pounds I've already lost in four months, but it's so hard when I want to see the numbers.

I'm due for another fill Thursday of next week, so I guess we'll see what happens then or what they can tell me. :(

Um, has hubby been reading my blog??

He's been... well... frisky! Amazingly so! Like, outta the blue. Right about the time I had given up. It's a fantastic change for many reasons, and not just the physical. It makes me feel wanted. Loved. Desired. Important. Connected. Wow, here's hoping it continues!

I'm just getting pissed and frustrated now

For crying out loud, the last two weeks I have been doing nothing but going up and down the same two freakin' pounds! Other than last night I have been doing EVERYTHING right -- exercising very regularly, getting in all my water, eating about a cup of food a sitting -- but I just keep going up and down the same couple of pounds!!! WTF???

I keep trying to tell myself that my body is just going into adjustment mode or something as I have dropped nearly 50 pounds (I was only about 2 pounds off from that wonderful number... as of TWO FREAKIN WEEKS AGO). I am sick to death of seeing the same numbers popping up and down as if I wasn't doing anything. GRRR!!!!!!!

New week, new stats

I'll admit that I haven't exercised since Tuesday. Wednesday was school, and yesterday was the day I quit, so I was busy exercising my mouth talking to people on the phone about quitting.

Anyway... what has me bothered is how I've gone up and down between 241.5 and 244 for well over a week now. I included a copy of my weight chart from my GoWear Fit:



Okay, there's a part of me that wants to say, WTF?? I've been doing EVERYTHING right, yet this is what I'm getting rewarded with.

Then, I took my second weekly measurements after exercising, and it tells a slightly different story:



So... I'm losing inches even though the scale is wiggin' out on me. Obviously it's good that at least SOME of my numbers are looking good...

I had a dream

It was so bizarre... last night I had a dream that I was looking at myself in the mirror and I was about the size I want to be. Instantaneously. I was looking and going, "Wow, no way!" And I turned and looked at my butt in the mirror and there was only ONE of them! Human-sized! I expect this to be a dream of things to come. :D

Stress and issues with weight loss

I know I've heard about this before, that those under large amounts of stress can actually have problems losing or even gain weight while dieting.

Now I know we're not "dieting," per se, but we are doing things that may mimic dieting in many ways, especially before somebody gets real restriction.

I've been under a lot of stress at work (until today that is, as I quit), and the last week my weight has gone up and down as much as 3 pounds even though I am doing everything right. I was exercising every single day for two weeks straight (it was a boot camp type of thing), eating well, drinking all my water, etc. However, my weight goes down two pounds one day and up one-and-a-half the next, then down one and up two. It's been driving me NUTS.

I know I should probably only weigh in once a week, but we all know how hard that is. So I wanted to find what I knew I had heard before that stress levels can jack with our systems.

What I found was this:

Whether we're stressed because of constant, crazy demands at work or we're really in danger, our bodies respond like we're about to be harmed and need to fight for our lives (or run like heck). To answer this need, we experience a burst of energy, shifts in metabolism and blood flow, and other changes.

If you remain in this state for a prolonged amount of time due to chronic stress, your health becomes at risk. Aside from a host of other dangers, chronic stress can also cause weight gain -- which is why some products like Cortislim are marketed as diet aids.

Chronic stress and cortisol can contribute to weight gain in the following ways:

Metabolism -- Do you feel like you're prone to putting on more weight when you're stressed, even if you're eating the same amount of food as you always have? Too much cortisol can slow your metabolism, causing more weight gain than you would normally experience. This also makes dieting more difficult.

http://stress.about.com/od/stresshealth/a/weightgain.htm

And this:

Stress and weight are inextricably linked. Emotions influence our hormones which in turn influence our emotions which influence our eating habits.

The hormone adrenaline is released when we are frightened, excited or anxious. Since adrenaline tends to speed up our metabolic rate, the release of this hormone is likely to promote weight loss.

Long term stress can have the opposite effect. The hormone cortisol, released when we are stressed, can increase fat storage, particularly in the abdominal area.

In other words, short bursts of stress may help us to lose weight, but long term stress can make us overweight.

http://www.annecollins.com/weight-loss-support/stress-overweight.htm

So I guess now that I'm away from this toxic workplace, I will see if anything changes over the next week or so. Granted, my clothes have been fitting fine. I put on some Sag Harbor pants the other day that didn't fit a few weeks ago, so maybe it's just a matter of inch loss over pounds. However, I still plan to watch and see what happens since I have removed this particular stressor.

Gonna put new batteries in my scale

I got on the damn thing this morning and I was only down one pound. This is after I have bobbled up and down every day for the last 5-6 days. GRRR!!!

My low was 241.5, and since then, I've been up as high as 244 and no lower than 242. This morning I was just baffled that it was reading what it was, especially since I have been doing SO well and really adhering to what I need to be doing: types of food and amount. So I got back on the scale before I headed out (but before I got dressed), and it went from 243 to 240.5! I thought, "No way..." So I got back on, and it said 242. Omg...

I have a digital scale, and I have it on a tile floor in the bathroom, so now I'm wondering if the battery is going bad. I got a new 9v for the thing, but I will also move it into the other bathroom that has a linoleum floor since it is also thought that having it on tile can also cause it to give freaky readings due to the uneven floor.

I'll give it a shot and hope the damn thing gets it right. ;)

Kinda had an emotional eating day

Okay, it's not as bad as it sounds. It wasn't junk or snacks or anything like that.

However, hubby made dinner tonight (catfish, green beans, salad), and the filet was a bit large (though I got the smaller of the two). Last time he made catfish, I stopped halfway through the fish and saved the rest. Tonight should have been no different, but I was ranting and raving on about the drama at work and ended up eating it all, along with the beans and salad.

When dinner was over, he said he was surprised that I finished it. I said I was too, to be honest. I was so busy ranting that it was as if I ate without even thinking. :(

Okay, it could have been worse, but still... I'm trying so hard to pay attention to what I'm doing, whether it be what I eat, how much, the size of my bites, or how much I chew. Some of these things are not coming as second nature, so I have to force it.

Well, today is over. Tomorrow is a new day to do better and pay attention. And at least it wasn't cake, right? :)

Day 14

Omg, I made it to the big one-four. I almost didn't do it tonight. I'm moody, upset, and not feeling inspired, but hubby said, "You can't stop now!" Yep, he was right. So I just did it. :)

Ever feel like running away?

I could SO just leave -- leave the job (I hate it now), leave the husband (not too inspired to stay), and leave my body (though I'm stuck with it as it is for now).

I have been in a funk for a while now, and I don't see it lifting any time soon.

"Romeo" was in bed when I got home from school before 10pm. I'm just SO sick of begging for attention after nearly 17 years of doing it. Either he makes me feel like I can't do anything right, or he makes me feel like I'm not worth the effort it takes to stoke a relationship. Or both.

I think I'm done trying. Right now I can't see divorce since it's not financially feasible, but I don't know that I see us together forever anymore. It took a long time to get to this point because I used to feel lucky for having him. Now I feel kinda like I settled. I wasn't fat when I met him, and I was crazy crazy about him when we met. I really wanted to get married way back then. But over the years, I saw too many sides of him that were just... ugh. Not attentive, not good with people, not a good father to my daughter, always critical, rarely tender...

I don't know. I'm not sure how much of what I'm feeling now is being colored by other things in my life, but I know I have felt this way many MANY times before. Then they get better for a little while, and then it happens again.

It reminds me of the cycle I went through with my ex-husband, where things would be great, then the tension would build, and then he would beat the shit out of me. Then came the honeymoon again, followed by the tension, followed by another beating. I feel as if I'm in the same cycle only without the beatings. It's almost like emotional beatings, though. And I'm tired. For once I am trying to focus on ME, and my "partner" is just... here. Physically.

I hate how this feels. I hate realizing that, as I get even better and healthier, I could see myself leaving him. I hate this.

Day 13

Got up at 6:30 again this morning since I had school, but I got 'er done. :)

Relationship struggles while losing weight

The more I've been reading the information I wrote about yesterday, the more it makes me wonder...

I am trying not to over think all of this, but I have felt very neglected for a long time. Specifically sexually. I guess before I used to blame myself and put on weight to create a "reason" for the lack of attention, but my brain is overriding my heart and telling me it's not me. It's him. It's always been him. And here I sit thinking, "Now what? What will I do with this knowledge when I begin to feel that I deserve better than this?"

We have had so many ups and downs that I don't think I know what it is to be normal. There have been times when the only thing that kept me from leaving was my promise before God that I would stick it out through thick and thin.

The fact is, there is no passion. Hasn't been passion for a very long time. It isn't like I haven't tried, but he has this detached, almost clinical way of dealing with life -- when he's not being an ass, that is. Granted, we have taken the edge off his assiness by getting him on meds, but it's as if he has this feeling that just being here and breathing is all that is required to be committed and involved in a marriage. I have told him time after time that you still have to work to keep things from being stale and boring. I don't need swinging from the chandeliers daily or even weekly, but c'mon...

More often than not, I have been lonely in this marriage. And that's the loneliest type of lonely when somebody else is there. About this time last year I was actually looking for new places to move, to be on my own, and I had gotten to a point where I was not afraid to move along and was instead looking forward to it. Granted, at that time, he was being horrible to me -- insanely critical, neurotic, and ugly. It was after that that he finally -- FINALLY -- broke down after many years of me saying he needed meds and got on something.

I am a virile young woman who wants to feel loved. I want to be romanced sometimes. I want -- yes, SEX. I want to not have to wait two weeks (in a good stretch) or six weeks (in a bad one), and I want him to BE there with me emotionally. I could tell you every time it does happen exactly how it's going to go down, it's so uninventive. And some of the actions are nearly robotic.

I never say anything to him about the mechanics of it since I can't complain that it's actually happening, but he'll put more gusto into a good meal than he puts into me or us.

No wonder I always felt it was me, but I'm not willing to take that anymore. It's HIM, and I'm tired of it all. I am not a runaround kind of person, but I do think that I could be swayed. I hate to admit it, but it's the truth. I'm afraid I will feel so starved for attention that I could be convinced to become "that person." I have said this to him more times over the years than I can count, but it doesn't seem to stick. Maybe I don't matter to him, even though he says I do.

I just hate feeling like this... :(

Day 12

Whew, squeaked it in tonight! So close to day 14 and being able to do it every OTHER day... yay!

Weight loss surgery and divorce?

I hadn't really thought of this before, but a thread at LBT came up that discussed this, and some interesting information was put out there about this. The thread:

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f7/true-divorce-after-wls-within-3-years-why-73277/

In the thread was a link to this article:

Gastric bypass surgery has its risks, including divorce
http://www.seattlepi.com/national/180580_bypass03.html

And a member from LBT blogged about this in May of last year:

http://killthefatman.livejournal.com/32994.html

It DOES make me wonder. The general concensus seems to be that a marriage that is not already good or strong may suffer once somebody starts losing large amounts of weight. I know in the past, when I have lost weight, I would go through a freak-out when guys would pay attention to me and I would do an about face and gain it all back because I feel somewhat unappreciated at home. And the sex life... well, I won't go into detail, but it's never been that frequent (at least for me) and has been a HUGE bone of contention between us at times, with me threatening to get it elsewhere. I can see how people who have felt less than desired at home could be pulled into something they wouldn't normally do when they feel good about themselves and they are getting positive attention from others.

I admit that this concerns me. I would prefer to get it at home, but I DO worry that I could find myself in this position one day.

Day 11

I hafta admit, I'm getting tired of listening to her, but hey, I did it. :)

"Saggy butt"

I got some new "yoga pants" from Avenue back in January because the other ones I had didn't fit or were pretty worn out (you know how they wear out at the inner seam from rubbing? Yeah...). So I bought a handful of these things, all in the same size, but they weren't all the same manufacturer. Because of this, some fit right away, and some were too tight to wear.

Anyway... all of that to say that tonight I was wearing one of the pairs I could wear, and hubby came behind me in the kitchen and called me "saggy butt." Not MY butt, but the pants. :)

And true, they ARE very saggy.

So I decided to try on the other ones that were too tight back in January and they now fit. Wow...

:) <------ This is a happy face!

Day 10 and new measurements

Omg, I came thisclose to not exercising today. I got off work at 12:30, ran a couple errands, then came home and vegged. Hubby came home at his normal time and went to take a nap. Boy, a nap sounded good, so I went to take one too. I went at about 5:00 and didn't get up until 7:15. Sat around trying to convince myself to go down to the basement to "just do it," which took me nearly another hour. By 8:10, I said, okay, enough. I promised myself. Very satisfied that I went and did it.

I also took new measurements. Granted, I didn't take them from day one of starting this exercise, but it has been a week since I took the first ones. Pretty happy -- 7.5 inches gone!

Day 9

Yep, again!

Day 8

Because of my school schedule after work, where I have 30 minutes to scarf down dinner before having to leave and I don't get home until nearly 10:30pm, I got up at 6:30 to Tapp my ass of. Rejuvenating. Ugh. :)

I also wore my toy today and was pleasantly surprised. I have it set to 5,000 steps and thought there was NO WAY I got anywhere near that. Wrong! I logged 5,319! That's better news than I expected.

I haven't sat down yet and started logging in my food, so all I show right now is calories used. I will have to find the time this weekend to start logging some stuff.

Anyway... WOOT! :)

Anybody try the honey and cinnamon cleanse/weight loss formula?

I got this in e-mail the other day but there were no real details about it other than drinking a "tea" made from honey and cinnamon in hot water aids in weight loss.

Now I know we're not on a diet, and I'm not looking at this as some quick-fix thing, but I spent the last couple nights reading up on this, and apparently it's been around for centuries and used by the Egyptians and other ancient civilizations.

Apparently honey and cinnamon combined have some really great qualities about them that supposedly aid in many things, including lowering cholesterol, "de-aging" the skin, and clearing up pimples.

Anyway, I found a site where there were a lot of people who swear that they have lost due to drinking this "tea" (though of course there were some who saw no difference and another few who said they were changing other things about their lives so they couldn't attribute the weight loss ONLY to the "tea"), and somebody gave a very detailed way in which to fix it, which I will post here:

This is really works, It starts with the fat that you already have and starts moving that out. Please be advised that you should not pour the boiling water over the raw honey as it will lose it’s enzymes and you will not have effective weightloss. Follow correctly and you will lose the weight.Here is the correct version of the receipe below:

Cinnamon and Honey formula for weight loss:

This should be prepared at night before going to bed.

1. Use 1 part cinnamon to 2 parts raw honey. 1/2 tsp cinnamon to 1 tsp honey is recommended but can use more or less as long as in the ratio of 1 to 2. — so 1 tsp cinnamon to 2 tsp raw honey is ok too as an example.

2. Boil 1 cup…that is 8 oz of water.

3. Pour water over cinnamon and cover and let it steep for 1/2 hour..(30 minutes)

4. Add honey now that it has cooled. Never add honey when it is hot as the heat will destroy the enzymes and other nutrients in the raw honey.

5. Drink 1/2 of this directly before going to bed. The other 1/2 should be covered and refrigerated.

6. In the morning drink the other half that you refirgerated…but do not re-heat it…drink it cold or at room temp only.

Do not add anything else to this recipe. No lemon, no lime, no vinegar. It is not necessary to drink it more time in a day…it is only effective on an empty stomach and primarily at night.

This works for most people. Inches are lost before any measurement on the scales. This program will cause significant inches lost…but you will reach a plateau and may not lose anymore. This is because the cinnamon and honey cause a cleansing effect in the digestive tract and cleans out parasites and other fungus and bacteria that slow down the digestion…causing a toxic build up. (Lowers pH) Once this is all cleaned out then you will most likely have the weight loss slow down.

Other side effects from a cleansing can occur because of toxins being released…if this occurs, cut back on how much you use or take a break.

Additionally people report increased energy, more sex drive, and feeling happier/mood enhancer.

*NOTE:The honey used needs to be REAL RAW UNPASTEURIZED HONEY. If it says PURE honey it is most likely pasteurized. It is best to only buy honey that says RAW or UNPASTEURIZED on the label. The difference is that the enzymes are all heated out of the pasteurized honey.

http://www.weight-loss-advisor.com/blog/2006/05/23/have-you-tried-honey-and-cinnamon-for-weight-loss/

Okay, what the hell WAS that???

*POTENTIAL GROSS-OUT WARNING*


I had chicken breast for dinner tonight, and I'm feeling pretty good about HOW I was eating it -- i.e. not too fast, small bites, etc. I stopped after a few bites because I felt a little bit stuck, but not STUCK stuck. Wrong... I got stuck. Again. And what the hell is it that when you swallow you end up swallowing a lot of air which then pushes against the blockage??

Okay, so I start walking around. And then... watermouth. Is that what sliming is? I'm not even totally sure yet. But it was happening. So I headed for the bathroom just in case, but not really thinking that anything was going to happen. I just wanted to hang over the toilet and hope it would dislodge. I'm hanging there, and the saliva is working overtime, my nose starts running, and I'm spitting into the toilet, and then I wretch. I think it was water from my workout before dinner because it was clear for the most part. There really wasn't food coming up with it except for a tiny bit of "color." So after doing this a few times, and then having an episode where something feels like it's trying to come up but my body reacts by swallowing and it "bobbles" there, it's over. So is dinner -- or the chicken, I should say. Forget it. I'd be surprised if I had eaten a half ounce. I finished my mushrooms and the little tiny bit of sweet potato I had, along with my salad, and that was dinner. Done. Over. Not interested. GAH!!

So I don't know if this was a productive burp (PB) or something totally different, but I'm running out of proteins I can eat. *sigh*

Got my new toy today!

I'm charging it up as I type this and spent the last hour or so downloading the program and reading up on how to use this.

I'm very excited to see how I'm doing in the calorie-burning arena. It asks you what your goals are, more activity or weight loss. Obviously weight loss, right? Then it gives you a choice of how many pounds you'd like to lose in a week, with the max being two. It then tells you, based on your desired goal, when you will hit it based on the weight you want to lose each week. It then told me that based on this info, I will be at goal by March 10, 2010. It's pretty cool to see something concrete like that.

Day 7

Woot!!

And down another 2 1/2 from yesterday, to a new low of 241.5!! Two-thirties, here I come!!

Kinda feeling blah, moody, and uninterested

I don't know if it's outside factors or hormonal issues due to the weight loss, but I've been feeling just... gah...

Weekends come and I don't want to go anywhere or do anything, yet I'm bored... I don't want to be at work... I sometimes feel irritable with hubby (okay, that's probably just him, lol).

I should be excited and happy about my weight loss -- and I AM -- but I've also had this undertonee in my life that I can't figure out.

I take an antidepressant, but this is working its way around that.

Day 6

Yep, again. :)

I had some reading to do earlier for school and I decided to do it on my stationary bike just cuz. It took me 45 minutes to read the chapter, and I decided to take note of the calories it said I expended and compare them to the site I listed a couple days ago.

Since my bike doesn't allow me to enter any stats like the more advanced ones do (like age or weight), it just gave me a straight 313 calories used. However, when I plugged the information into the site, it said I had used 615. That's more iike it.

I guess I can count the T-Tapp as aerobics, and I figured I could gauge it between straight high impact and high impact/step since there are lunges and other exercises where the body's own weight is used. In doing so, I come up with 863 calories used, for a total of 1478 expended. Of course this is a guesstimate based on this site.

And as of this morning, I was down another pound to 244. That's five lost since my fill last Thursday.

Also, as of the 14th just passed, I am down 45 pounds in 4 months (the day I started my pre-op diet in November). :)

Just ordered a new toy

I kept hearing this stuff about BodyBugg and wanted to find out more about it and what all the rave was about.

Well, after looking around, I opted for the GoWear Fit (which I'm told is created by the same company but for much less, as is the monthly access fee) and ordered one through their website. I guess this is my early birthday present to myself (since my birthday isn't until July!).

I'm excited to use it to track what I'm doing, what calories I am expending, and helping me to set my goals. I'll update as I go along.

Day 5

Another ugh-but-satisfied feeling. :)

I've been looking and debating a BodyBugg. I know almost nothing about them except that a lot of people on LBT seem to have and believe in them. I've been spending the afternoon researching them and seeing what they're all about. We'll see...

Finally, more accurate exercise/calorie information

I have gotten sick and tired of trying to figure out actual calories burned when I do my exercises. My stationary bike and elliptical trainer don't have the ability to plug in my stats, especially weight, so I know that the calories burned it shows on the display is not right considering my weight.

I found a web page where you put in your weight and time spent exercising, and it gives calories burned for numerous different exercises and daily activities.

http://www.internetfitness.com/calculators/calburncalc.htm

Weight Loss, Hair Loss and Low Carb

Some people I know who have the band have complained about hair loss, so I wanted to find out more about it. I've kinda noticed a few more hairs than I think is normal falling out, but nothing major. Then again, it may just be my imagination since I know hair loss can be one of the side effects of quick weight loss. I found some information that I thought could help others:


In ANY weight loss program that you follow, hair loss often occurs at the same time. This is a natural result and the hair will grow back in once you reach your target weight. Often the hair is even thicker than before!

In fact, compared to other diets, the low carb diet is BEST for your hair. Three key vitamins to take to help your hair are protein, iron and zinc - and these are in high supply on a low carb diet. Note that these vitamins will not STOP the temporary hair loss while you diet. The hair loss is a normal part of your body's reaction to losing the weight. However it will help the hair grow in more fully when you have reached your target.

Two things that impede hair growth are an excess of Vitamin A, and stress. So a way to reduce the hair loss situation is to find ways to relax in your life, and to make sure that your vitamin A intake is not overabundant.

First, It's good to note that a hair doesn't simply grow forever. Each hair on your head grows for 4-5 years, then falls out. So your hair is always renewing itself. The long growth stage is called anagen and the short stopping phase that follows is called catagen. Then the hair falls out, which is telogen. The hair follicle then goes back into anagen and makes a long hair for the next 4-5 yaers.

What happens during weight loss is Telogen effluvium. It also happens after any stress to the body. Some of your hair follicles go into catagen to conserve body resources. So the hairs stop growing and "rest". Once your body feels safe again, those hairs go back into anagen - but because there was the pause in the middle, the brand new growing hair pushes the old hair out of the follicle. So in reality you have just as much hair as you did before - and it's probably far healthier hair. But the new hairs are short :)

Normally around 10% of your head of hair is in the catagen or telogen phase, in essence resetting itself to prepare for new hair to grow in. Because you have so much hair on your head, you don't even notice. During weight loss that percentage gets higher, but this is only temporary. Your body starts creating new hair in its normal cycle once it settles into a healthy weight and those hairs start growing again. Remember that hair doesn't reach a long state overnight! So all those new, healthy hairs need time to grow out to whatever length of hair you have chosen.

Usually it takes 6 months for your head of hair to have grown back out to typical fullness. Hair grows around 1/2" per month, so at the 6 month mark, the hair is around 3" long which is enough to seem thick on most heads. Again, it's not that the hair is MISSING during this intermediate time. It's just that it is brand new and growing from scratch.

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art16071.asp

Some more inspirational pics

Charlotte, who went from a 22W to a size 6, has some great words of encouragement that I wanted to share. I think we all know these things, but to hear or read them is something else altogether. Yes, she is a T-Tapper, and though I love this exercise, and some of what she says pertains to it, I felt what she said can also apply to us no matter what we are doing to lose this excess weight with the help of our bands.




Don't be too hard on yourself. Go to YOUR max. It took me many weeks to work up to doing the whole TWO (with extra water breaks), and eight MONTHS to get through SATI with no water breaks. It may take you longer...or not. I took a day or two (or three) off when I needed it and tried to listen to my body.

Don't be too easy on yourself. When you don't feel like working out, as trainer Michelle said, tell yourself "Thank you for sharing" and start lacing up your shoes. Results come from many small choices to work out (or sit on the couch). I put up with some soreness for several months when I began tapping because I believed so many things were changing inside my body that I needed to tough it out.

Write it down. From the first day I kept records on printed calendar pages from printfree.com and wrote down workouts and brushing after I did them, or penciled in a plan and wrote over it in ink when completed. I printed the measurement chart from the book and filled it in, and kept a T-Tapp notebook with form tips, encouraging posts, and workout schedule ideas.

Set goals. I started out by setting two "event" goals - two of my children's weddings - and continue to set "event" goals as things come up. I wrote these down and put them in the front of my notebook where I would see them often. I didn't always reach the size or weight goal by the event, but I kept the list and still checked it off when I did reach it for that sense of accomplishment and celebration!

Don't stay discouraged. Of course you'll occasionally get discouraged, just don't live in discouragement. I had to stop brushing in front of a mirror so I wouldn't despair at my appearance. I got stuck at size 18W for THREE MONTHS even though I worked out consistently. I was not in the size I had hoped by either wedding, but I kept T-Tapping. And now I'm way smaller than either of those goals, but I wouldn't be if I had given up in discouragement.

http://t-tapp.com/success/charlotte/default.html

Day 4

Ugh, can you love and hate something at the same time? I LOVE the accomplished feeling I get after doing this routine, but it is SO HARD! The nice thing with this particular routine (like many others) is how you see the improvement so fast. Because many of these exercises rely on balance, which come from core conditioning, you notice less "bobble" as you improve. So that feels good too.

Okay, I WILL do these 14 days straight if it kills me. And sometimes it feels like it just might! :P My new pep talk is telling myself that I can do anything for [five minutes/one hour/two weeks], especially since I spent the last 16 years FAT. It really helps when you don't want to exercise.

OH, and I'm down two more pounds since yesterday (the second day of liquids). I am now at my new low of 245!

Well, I broke down and did it

Took pictures, that is. How long have I avoided a camera? Fifteen years or more? And here I am purposely taking pictuers of a body I still don't like but which must be done in order to compare to the before pics so I might see the transformation as it occurs.

The first two are from mid-October, before surgery. The second two are today, 45 pounds later. I don't see a HUGE difference yet (except in my face) but in time my eyes should catch up. ;)

Finally took some measurements

Other than the measurements that my doctor's office took before my surgery, I haven't taken any at all for some reason.

Since I started T-Tapp, I figured it would be good to start taking them. Even though I am three days into the exercise, I figured something was better than nothing, so I took them to start paying attention to what's happening to my body. I have always been a strong believer that we should NEVER use the scale as our only gauge of success because sometimes the scale doesn't move while we lose sizes.

Anyway, here they are:

Day 3

Got 'er done! Omg, I really have to talk myself into doing it but it feels SO good when it's all over!

Moving down again

Okay, the scale is moving again. Granted, this morning was my first 24 hours of liquids (which I seem to respond quickly to), but hey, pounds gone is pounds gone, I don't care how it happens, right?

So from Thursday morning before my fill, I am down 2 1/2 pounds and am now 247, which is a new low for me (prior low was 247.5). It's time to get serious this month and put into practice what I learned from my doc visit and other information I have gotten hold of. And my ultra-ramped up exercise, to boot. :)

Health tips from Teresa

One of the inserts I got with my workout video has some interesting facts that I thought I'd share.

Internal Support


Alfalfa contains 8 digestive enzymes, numerous trace minerals (like calcium/magnesium) and high quantities of Vitamins A, D, and E. It is also one of the few plant sources of Vitamin K. Alfalfa is considered to be a "food," not an herb and is safe to take on an empty stomach or in combination with any medication.

Alfalfa is plant protein so it will naturally assist your body in eliminating "puffiness" caused by water retention. Whether your puffiness comes from excess carbohydrate consumption or hormonal changes during menstrual cycles, it will not deplete your body of nutrients. In fact, the American Dermatology Association published research results in May '99 that alfalfa reverses aging of the skin. Aging of the skin reverses because the nutrients in alfalfa help your body to produce its own collagen so it can "tighten," varicose veins can lessen, wrinkles become less prominent, and dark circles under your eyes may disappear. Its natural anti-inflammatory properties not only assist the appearance of your skin but also helps decrease internal inflammation in your body as well.


Vitamin C and Zinc help improve skin elasticity. These two ingredients synergistically stimulate collagen formation. To help your skin tighten and tone, it is recommended that you add these in addition to taking a multi-vitamin/mineral supplement.

Detox and Elimination


Lemon water: Drinking warm water with fresh lemon juice helps support your liver for added detoxification and fat metabolism. Lemon is an alkaline producing fruit that can also help your body offset high acidic foods (pineapple, oranges, tomatoes, etc.) for those who get oral sores from their consumption. Just squeeze a wedge of lemon with skin and steep in a cup of hot water (like tea) for a few minutes. Drink before bedtime and/or in the morning.


Fresh grapefruit is another alkaline producing fruit that can help your body stimulate intestinal waste removal. Eating fresh grapefruit without any artificial sweeteners or sugar before or after a meal aids in both digestion as well as elimination.


Green tea is a great source of antioxidants to assist your body in disposing toxic substances that can cause cellular damage. Green tea also increases the amount of friendly bacteria in your intestine to enhance digestion and promote a healthy colon. It is best to let your green tea steep at least five minutes before drinking for optimal results.

Importance on PH Balance


Acid and alkalinity: Due to the fact that the majority of us lead stressful lives, we often forget to consume food in proper balance (protein, carbs, and fat). This can create an over acidic environment, which is not only detrimental to overall wellness, but also accelerates the aging of your skin. An over acidic environment hinders cellular repair and rejuvenation. If you want to maintain optimal skin tone and help prevent or reverse cellulite, you need to avoid or control your intake of soda, sugar, and meat (all are very acidic) as well as fake sugars and trans fats.

There are many natural products that can help when our bodies get out of balance. Holistic medicine recognizes that alfalfa, for example, is known to be the great alkalizer. Not only is it the perfect source of plant protein to help control the release of insulin, but it is also alkaline. The best approach to getting your body in correct pH balance is to consume alkaline foods regularly. T-Tapp suggests that you research information about acid vs. alkalinity and learn how your favorite foods classify. For example, lemons and grapefruit are alkaline but oranges and limes are very acidic. Raw almonds are alkaline and very good for skin support, but when roasted they become acidic. Egg whites, salmon, and turkey are alkaline but chicken, beef, and pork are acidic.

Learn how to offset acidic blood sugar levels with alkaline foods.


Hydration: A dehydrated body cannot effectively digest food, metabolize fat, assimilate nutrients, or eliminate waste. Many people think that their body can receive enough hydration from coffee, soda, or diet drinks (all of which, by the way, are acid forming), but this is not true. The average person needs a minimum of 8 to 10 glasses of plain, pure water daily.

I found out some good information today

As I mentioned, I got my fourth fill.

I decided to ask Dr. Paul something which had me a bit confused about eating. His nurse said that my question was also listed in a bariatric magazine they get, so it appears it confuses a few people.

I asked if I should be eating a somewhat regular-sized meal right now and waiting for more restriction, or should I be focusing on eating a certain amount of food (say, a cup) and using it to gauge my satiety. He said it's the latter -- I should now be at the point where I eat about a cup of food, eat it slooowly (still an issue with me), and then walk away. Wait about 10-15 minutes since it takes the stomach that long to cue the brain that you are satisfied. If by chance you are still hungry, get a bit more, but he says that about a cup-worth of food should be enough at this stage.

I laughed at him, though, because he said that I need to determine how much is enough. I said, "Dr. Paul, if I could have ever figured that out before now, I wouldn't have needed my band now, would I?" :)