I passed the test!!!

Went out with a couple to another couple's house tonight for game night. We were all the same couples who had met last weekend when there was too much wine consumed by me. One of the ladies and I went to the store to get stuff to take to the other couple's house, and I determined I was going to be GOOD and SAFE tonight.

I bought cucumbers, radishes, apples, and pears, and took my tzatziki and hummus as dips. For a drink I bought a gallon jug of diet Arizona Green tea. She bought a few different types of beer, some diet sodas, and salsa. Because salsa and chips have been a real draw for her lately, she chose to substitute the chips for diet/wheat flatbreads toasted in a toaster oven. Good move!

We got to the house and the hostess had brownies, pizza, chips, and a "pizza dip." I drank ZERO alcohol (even when the host poured us all shots of Maker's Mark) and had a couple glasses of tea, followed by a couple glasses of water. I ate mostly cucumbers with the tzatziki, some radishes, one very SMALL bite of brownie (maybe as long and wide as my thumb), and three or four of my friend's makeshift chips with the "pizza dip." THAT WAS IT!!!

Hubby (who didn't go because he had a migraine) said he was very pround and asked if it was hard. Honestly, it wasn't! I went in knowing what I was going to do and I stuck to it. A couple times I thought I would drink the shot or fix ONE drink, but I chose not to, reminding myself that it is essentially straight sugar and not worth it.

I can't believe how good it felt, to be in control and NOT feel like I was barely hanging on by my fingernails. I realized I was totally in control of what went in my mouth, and that is VERY empowering.

I didn't get the workout in today that I wanted to because my friend and I were out from noon until 4:30, and we had to be ready to go by 6:30 (I ate a sensible dinner before going, so I wasn't hungry -- ANOTHER plus), but I can make that up tomorrow, no problem.

From yesterday until today I had a 2 1/2 pound weight loss, so that had me really hyped. And yesterday I was down 1 1/2, finally losing the remainder of the weight I gained last weekend (plus 1/2 pound), so it feels really good. Now I will have to stay dedicated to ME so that I don't waste half a month regaining seven pounds that had already been lost. I would be nearly at 40 pounds lost had I not let stupid stuff get the better of me. This feels much better than wine ever will, especially since I don't really LOVE wine. :)

I hope my friend also feels she did well. I told her I would help be her keeper tonight -- not that I would be on her case, but that maybe she would not feel affected by me and the party atmosphere if I kept myself in check too. She had two beers and a couple sips of the shot, so I think she did well too. And she ate her salsa with her better "chips" and I think it satisfied that craving but was better for her overall.

Wine is NOT my friend

And not in the way you're thinking.

Normally I don't even drink the stuff, so it shouldn't be a regular issue, but within the month of January, I drank more than I probably did all of 2008. First I was at my folks' for about six days and drank most of a box of wine (yes, I said a box, lol). Granted, that wasn't the only reason for my 4 1/2 pound gain as we went to the movies three times and I had popcorn. And at their house there was gummi bears and peppermint patties. So it took me a week and a half to get back to where I started. I literally JUST got to my pre-visit weight the day before last weekend's dinner party... where three of us pretty much polished off five bottles of wine. And another 2 1/2 pounds found my ass again. It took until yesterday, a full week later, to lose that plus an extra 1/2 pound for good measure. :(

Now thankfully I don't have stuff like that around the house, but I DO find that when in a social setting, I can absolutely lose track of myself and go way overboard. I guess it's the addictive personality I have. No, not the addictive personality that draws people to me like an addiction (though I do suffer so with that one too, lol), but the one where I am addicted to things and tend to do them to excess.

So this month I have lost and gained and lost the same seven pounds, which really pisses me off at myself. Had I been a good girl, I would be almost 40 pounds down since surgery. We have another get-together tonight, so let's hope that I remember this when I get there. My plan is taking hot tea or some other beverage that is non-alcoholic. I may indulge in one glass of wine, but I think if I don't get wrapped up in the party atmosphere and keep my head about me, I will remember what I'm doing and why. I don't even like wine that terribly much, so where is the worth in sabotaging my own self with it?? Duh...

Here's what poo-poo head did to me

Now mind you, the large chunks were a good foot high. This, by the way, is looking from my garage out. So... I can't get traction going OVER the stuff cuz I have ice before it, and I can't get traction after going over the stuff cuz I have ice after it. It's just plain stupidity. No wonder the country is a wreck -- cuz men run it! :P

Tried a recipe from the cookbook I listed here

And I thought it was really tasty!

Chicken Saute with Mushrooms

Olive oil cooking spray
1 pound chicken breast cutlets
3 tbsp shallots, finely chopped
2 cups fresh mushrooms, sliced
1/2 cup white wine
3/4 cup fat-free, low-sodium chicken broth
1/2 cup plain, fat-free yogurt
1/2 packet artificial sweetener (Splenda or Sweet 'N Low)
1 tbsp fresh tarragon, finely chopped
Salt and pepper to taste

1. In a large nonstick skillet, heat cooking spray until hot but not smoking. Saute chicken for 3 minutes on each side until golden brown and no longer pink inside. Remove chicken from pan and keep warm.
2. Re-spray pan, add shallots and mushrooms, and cook, stirring, for about 2 minutes or until tender. Pour in wine, increase heat to high, and cook for 2 minutes.
3. Add broth and cook for 3-5 minutes, until reduced by half. Reduce heat to low and stir in yogurt and sweetener. Cook for about 2 minutes or until thick enough to coat spoon.
4. Stir in tarragon and season with salt and pepper to taste. Pour over chicken.

Makes 4 servings

Calories: 180.81; Protein: 29.40g; Fat: 1.61g; Carbohydrates: 6.44g; Cholesterol: 66.40mg; Fiber 0.51g; Sodium: 230.26mg


The only thing I did different is I didn't use artificial sweetener. One GRAIN of the stuff and hubby can taste it. So instead I added 1/8 tsp sugar. I liked it very much, and I mixed my mushrooms, using regular button white, baby bellas, and shiitake. Very yummy!

Why are husbands such poo-poo heads???

Omg, so we got snow the other day, which was then followed by sleet/freezing rain. Of course that means frozen snow, right?

Okay, so today hubby was working from home, and when I got home, I saw that a swatch of pipe stem (a common driveway with four houses on it off the main street) had been cleared alongside our side of the stem. HOWEVER, about five feet from the entrance to the garage was a pile of this stuff about six feet long and a good foot high! Which I have to try to drive over. To get into the garage. In a convertible. Ice. *sigh*

So I back in as I always do and the rear tires hit this stuff. Spiiiiiiiinnnnnn. I rock forward, then back again. Spiiiiiiinnnnnnn. Shit! After a couple more tries and fishtailing pretty badly, I get the BACK tires over. Now comes the front. Spiiiiiiiinnnnnnn. Rock forward, back again, spiiiiiiinnnnn. I could kill him. WTF is he thinking??? After a few more rocks back and forth, I get the front tires over but now I have to get it into the garage, and the base is a couple inches higher than the drive. I always have to hit the gas a tad bit to get the back tires up and over as it is. And.... spiiiiiiiinnnnnnn. SHIT! Rock some more, and eventually get in.

The love of my life is standing at the back door in the garage, and I ask, "Did you do this??" HE proceeds to get offended. "I worked four hours on that, blah blah blah," and I say, "Well, that's great, honey, but did you hafta leave a pile of this stuff in FRONT of the garage?" He gets pissy. And starts with his, "Fine, then I'll never..." Omg, keep me from punching him. And now the gloves are off. I tell him to grow up, he tells me I'm overreacting. I said I simply questioned him and he acted like a little baby, he said I didn't appreciate the work he did. I said If *I* had been the one to do something like that, he would have said the same thing. He says, "Fine, then I'll never...." GAAAHHHH!!! I tell him he needs to either increase his meds or take that little pink immediate-action happy pill because he's been a real pissant for two frikken farken weeks now. "PISSANT?" he asks. "Yes, among other things," I say. He says, "That's right, it's always me." I say, "I'm glad you see that." Then we go back and forth with him saying sarcastically, "You're right," "I know I'm right," "I know, I said you're right," "You got it, I'm right," "I know, cuz I'm never right," "No, honey, you're just not always right like I'm sure mommy always told you you were." Bitch, moan, hiss, boo. Nice end to a crappy week. Gaaaahhhh!!

Learning to "just do it"

Here lately I've been doing pretty well with exercise. Thank God for basements! Between my Richard Simmons DVDs (among others) , a stationary bike, an ellliptical trainer, and hand weights and a medicine ball, I have all I need.

Tonight wasn't one of my "scheduled" workout nights, but frankly there wasn't much on TV, and I finally just said, screw it, I can get a good hour workout in. So I did. I took a movie with me (as I can't really pull in TV down there) and worked between the bike and the elliptical -- 10 minutes each, back and forth, until I had an hour in.

Lordy, that feels good! And fitting into my size 20's didn't hurt my enthusiasm! :)

If size was an age, I'd be getting younger!

So today I decided to delve into that unknown territory known as the left-hand side of my closet. That is where I house the "used-to-fits," the pants that hang there all forlorn and sad, literally collecting dust.

The pants I have been wearing were getting baggy, true, but I just couldn't get my mind around the possibility that the others would fit.

Well... not only did they fit, they fit WELL -- not tight, not too loose. They were just right! I about squealed and scared the dogs, I was so excited! Now I have more to wear than ever. It had gotten to the point where I refused to buy anything new, so I would wear the same 4-5 pants every week. I'm glad to say that they have now been officially evicted from the closet. :)

My GOD this feels good! I was in such denial that they would fit that I could have done this probably two weeks ago and it would have been fine.

Goodbye 22, hello 20! Pretty soon I will be in a mini onederland -- clothes that begin with a one and not a two! ;)

I also put on a couple sweaters this week that I haven't been able to wear in well over a year... probably closer to a year-and-a-half! I'm lovin' this!!

Had a "coming to Jesus talk" with DH the other day

Remember those eating buddy friends I was talking about? Well... they caused a fight here the other night. I admit up front that I overreacted and read DH the riot act out of turn, but maybe it was time. He needs to reconsider his "other woman" for my sanity.

I had just gotten home from my folks' house on Tuesday evening. Late, for a work night. I maybe had 20 minutes to sit here and talk to hubby before we had to go to bed. I told my mom, sure as I'm standing here, the eating buddies are gonna call or e-mail Wednesday about going out to eat.

Sure enough, the wife e-mailed me Wednesday morning and asked if we wanted to go out to dinner. I simply ignored the e-mail and went about my day. I knew hubby was making beef stroganoff that day, which I would only partake of a little bit and eat something else more healthy, so going out to eat was not even in the gameplan.

So... I get home and DH says that the eating buddies are coming OVER to eat with us. OMG!! Now, I have had company solid from December 26 until January 4, and then I went to my folks' from January 15 to the 20th. I'm very much the homebody, so I was ready to just relax with DH and the tv, not play hostess to company that I feel just jumps on me at every opportunity. This is the same couple that called me the FIRST DAY I could eat solids after my surgery and asked, "Can you eat?? Can you eat??" knowing damn well that I could and then wanted to go have Chinese. I even said to the wife, "What the hell, did you have it on your calendar??"

So as I said, DH says they're coming over for dinner, and I hit the fan. I was like, OMG, why didn't you clear it with me first?? I already ignored a message from them asking about dinner, and now they're coming here and I really don't want them here, blah blah blah. That turned into our "coming to Jesus talk." I said that sometimes I feel just totally overwhelmed by the three of them, that ALL they do is focus on food 24/7 to the point where I feel hopeless and completely overtaken by it all. I told him how I felt that he is consumed by food, that he lives to eat rather than eats to live (which he denied), and I said bullshit, even our daughter who had visited over the new year said to my mom that all he does is talk about food. When his friend was here after Christmas, omg, all they did was talk about food! I'm just immersed in it, and I'm trying SO hard to not make everything in my life about FOOD.

He talked about how supportive he has been, and I said yes, to a point. He IS supportive in some ways, but he can be a huge saboteur in the fact that after a while he misses going out, and then it's, "Well, let's just go here this once," or, "I have a coupon for CiCi's Pizza, and it's only $5 for the buffet," but when I remind him my buffet days are over, he says, "Yeah, but it's only $5 to eat as much as you want, even if it's only a piece." Uh, C'MON! I don't think CiCi's is on my long-term eating plan! And wow, you ought to see the pantry. My mom had it right that he is likely making up for the fact that we're not eating out so much, but after my surgery there were donuts, little chocolate mini cakes, m&m's, Fiddle Faddle, cheese and crackers, you name it. I am thankful that it wasn't a draw for me, but OMG! It's like if I was a recovering alcoholic and couldn't go to the bars anymore, would you bring booze into the house???

So because of all this pent-up crap, I was ranting and raving. I let all these things I've been feeling for so long come out in a flood all at once, though I didn't intend for it to happen that way. But then again, maybe it needed to come out like that to have an impact.

So of course NOW every time I say something to him about food like what do you want for dinner, he says that I need to choose because he's trying not to make everything about food. *rolls eyes* I know he's not exactly being snarky, but...

Went to an OA meeting yesterday

Well, I finally broke down and did it. I went to a local Overeaters Anonymous meeting yesterday. There's only one in my town that was given at a time that I could attend, which is 8:45 on a Saturday morning. Ugh.

It was okay. When I got there, this other lady and I (who were both trying to find it) were the only ones there besides the two hosts. Little by little a couple others trickled in until there were six of us in total.

One was a recovering bulemic (the one that came in with me, cuz I looked at her and thought WTH??), and everybody had been to OA before -- either this meeting or years before. I was the only OA virgin.

I guess the only thing that put me off a tad was that they read everything from a binder. I mean, people told their stories and all, but it felt too... scripted. I dunno. I'll keep trying and see if it's really for me or if I should go another route like some other form of group thing or private therapist.

I always knew that my issues were more mental than they were physical or even about right food choices. I have lost a lot of weight in the past (50 pounds once, 70 pounds more recently), and for some reason, when I start realizing I'm succeeding, or when I start getting attention (usually male), I freak out and start sabotaging myself and eating all the wrong things. Then I end up back where I started -- or worse.

I haven't yet figured out what that trigger is or why it happens. The fact is, though, I know that it DOES happen, which is probably half the battle. I can only think that MAYBE it was because when I was losing the other times, my relationship with DH was not as close as I would have hoped and I was afraid the male attention would make me do something I would regret. That's all I can guess.

So if that IS the issue, or if it's simply that I no longer know how to deal with attention and compliments, I need to get a grip on that and figure it out. I canNOT have myself sabotage my own self again and risk my health.

Some new books came in while I was away

I was specifically looking for a book that was mentioned on LBT, and it sounded like something I could definitely benefit from.

It's called "Weight Loss Surgery with the Adjustable Gastric Band: Everything You Need to Know Before and After Surgery to Lose Weight Successfully," and it's written by Robert Sewell (below):



I look forward to delving into sections such as "Causes and Treatments of Obesity," "Medical Management of the AGB (Adjustable Gastric Band)," and "Living With the AGB."

Some have called it the "bible" for those of us with the band, so I guess we'll see.

Another book that came while I was away is called "The Emotional First Aid Kit: A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery," written by Cynthia Alexander, PsyD. (below):



Because all of us have emotional issues that either led us to eat or came about once we got heavy, I thought it would be a great addition to my growing library. It covers "How to Prepare Yourself Psychologically Before Surgery," "Self-Talk," "Stress Relief and Comfort Without Food," "Beginning a Consistent Exercise Program," "Behavior Modification," "Relapse Prevention," "Relationships and How They May Change After Surgery," "Common Reactions to Weight Loss," and "Depression After Surgery."

These topics sound very meaty and real, and I really look forward to trying to learn even more about myself and about some of the challenges I may face.

Family and questions about the band

I'm in South Carolina visiting the folks over the long weekend. This is the first time they've seen me since I've been banded, and there have been lots of questions. They wanted to see scars, asked about the port, how the band works, etc.

The only thing I wish is that this second fill had given me a bit more restriction. I can still eat a regular-person sized meal, but that's okay. The good thing that came of this last fill is that I am not STARVING about 2-3 hours after having eaten. I don't know what that was all about because I never got like that before the band. So the fact that that feeling is gone is a definite plus. I am thinking I may try to go in one week sooner than the one-month appointment I made just to get it going a bit sooner.

The other issue with being out of town is trying hard to eat right. We certainly haven't exercised like we thought we would (walked about 2 1/2 miles the first day... then nothing), but it's been nice to visit. And even if I gain a teeny bit while I'm here, I won't stress it like I used to. I will get back to my schedule when I get back home and will be back on the way down again.

It IS nice that my mom has noticed the stomach has gone down. :)

Great cookbook for bariatric patients

I was looking for another bariatric book the other day on Amazon and it also ended up showing me this one:





It's called "Eating Well After Weight Loss Surgery". It has over 140 high protein, low fat recipes for those who have had Lap-Band, bypass, BPD-DS, or others and includes serving guidelines for certain weeks after each type of surgery. There are some fantaastic-looking recipes inside, and it also gives counts for calories, protein, fat, carbs, cholesterol, fiber, and sodium, in case anybody keeps track of those things.

It even has some great hints on how to stock your pantry and fridge with spices and other tasty must-haves in order to make our foods taste good (i.e. not lacking).

My fill doc and his nurse were very hyped when I told them about this, especially since their office is trying to do a "recipe of the month" to give out to people. And the foods in this book (though I just got it and none have been prepared by me) sound and look like things that would come from a five-star restaurant.

It certainly proves that healthy doesn't have to taste like yuck.

Second fill, none too soon!

Omg, am I finally feeling better! I don't know what the hell happened, but I was a starvin' marvin for over a week. When I saw my fill doc today, I asked him, "What the hell did you put in my band last time, 'starving' instead of saline?" lol

So... can it be psycosomatic? I swear I felt less full as I left the office than I did when I got there. But I have been experiencing rumbling tummy and everything, and I wasn't really focused on food. I would just find myself starving two to three hours after a meal. I'd hate to think it was in my head, but I don't think it was... was it? :(

He said he gave me a more aggressive fill, that the one two weeks ago was so teeny that today he got me up where he thought I should be. Here's praying that it works for a while.

Tiny panties

'Nuff said.

I do my wash each week and fold these things that could fit on the back end of a Yugo, and I dream for the day I can wear tiny panties. Hell, maybe even a thong! And a REAL thong, not a case of these-underwear-are-two-sizes-too-small-and-are-riding-up-my-ass faux thongs.

And one day maybe even *GASP* a matching set of panties and bra.

I hope I will be this easy to please when I get to goal. *grin*

A good movie

I just got done watching Why Did I Get Married, a great movie about relationships and the hardships that come with them.

I say this because one couple, Mike and Sheila, may resonate with some of us. Mike is a cad, a player who is sleeping with Sheila's friend. Sheila is overweight and the friend -- you got it -- is not. Mike puts Sheila down, disregards her feelings, laughs at her because of her weight, and is truly cruel to somebody he's supposed to love.

Long story short, Sheila finds out from her friends that Mike is cheating with her beautiful, skinny friend. He leaves her. She is devastated, and chooses to remain in Colorado (a place all the friends had all met for a week-long vacation). She meets a gorgeous man who falls for her for who she is. Later that year all the couples/friends meet again for an honor one of them receives for the book, Why Did I Get Married, and Sheila is now married to the wonderful new guy AND has lost a lot of weight.

It's so heartwarming as she tells her girlfriends how her transition happened. She didn't change herself FOR this new guy -- it just happened. During their courtship, he told her, "If you don't like how you look, then change it." This is after she had put herself down to him and he chides her for doing so as embarassing him FOR her. She said she just got so used to her husband doing it that she began to beat him to it.

I can so relate to that because I do the same thing around my skinny, pretty coworker friend. I know it's ugly, and I know if somebody said it TO me I would be hotter'n hell. However, I allow myself to say it about myself. It's a form of self-hate, and it's wrong. I know that much of our weight journey is mental -- sometimes moreso than physical. How can I think positively about myself when I am so ready to trash myself to myself? :(

Though I am not much for New Year's resolutions because, frankly, they suck, one thing I will work hard at this year is to treat myself with respect and love. I would ask no less of those who are close to me and who love me. It's time I expect the same from myself.

Omg, FINALLY!!

Well, somehow I had gained three pounds from about December 26 through January 4. Granted, we had company and ate out virtually every day (except the days immediately preceding my first fill), but omg, I was eating SALADS! The only times I ate different than that was one day I split a burger and a salad with my daughter, and only ate about 2/3 of my half of the burger. Another time I had a turkey burger at Ruby Tuesday's, along with a large salad. Anyway, that was a surprise... three pounds! So all told, in the last week I'm really down FIVE. YAY!

So as of this morning, I am officially down from that. It took until yesterday to be back at my low weight of 263.5 following the gain, and as of this morning I was down two additional pounds. Granted, I'm still starving -- stomach rumbling and everything -- but I ignored it and kept reminding myself that tomorrow I will be getting another fill. Let's hope this one works for a while, because my first left me hungry all the time. :(

Workout tally for the week

Finally was able to begin a workout regimen this week after being sick since before Christmas. I figured it would behoove me to keep track of it somehow, so here is week 1 (Sunday through Saturday):

Sunday: 40 minutes
Wednesday: 40 minutes
Thursday: 40 minutes
Saturday: 60 minutes

Total: 3 hours

I tried this recipe tonight and wanted to share

Somebody on LBT posted this (sorry, I don't remember who) and I made it tonight. It was pretty darned good, so I wanted to share:

Crock-pot Shredded Chicken

4 chicken breasts (I used frozen)
1- 24oz can diced tomatoes, or crushed
3 tbsp apple cider vinegar
5 tbsp soy sauce
3 tbsp Splenda (or sugar if you prefer)
1 onion, chopped

In a bowl, pour in tomatoes. Add vinegar, soy sauce, and splenda and mix together well. Place the chicken breast in the bottom of the crock-pot and top it with the chopped onion. Pour the sauce mixture over the chicken and cook on low for about 7 hours. I flipped the chicken breasts once during cooking. Shred the chicken and spoon a little of the sauce on top. Enjoy!!

**My note**

It was VERY good, but I found it just a teeny bit sweet. I would recommend maybe 2 tbsp sugar (I did use real sugar as I knew hubby would balk at the aftertaste in Splenda) instead of the 3 tbsp that are listed. I also used a canned tomato that had mild chiles in it. There was absolutely no spice whatsoever, but I do think it added a nice savory taste. If you wish, you could get the tomatoes with jalapenos to give it a bit of a kick. I also believe it would be fantastic topped with a bit of parmesan.

Can't hardly wait for my second fill

Good Lord, what's going on? I've been starving for over a week. I only got my first fill on December 29, but lordy, since then the dog has been looking tasty. I know I was only filled .6, which isn't much at all, but it seems that since the fill I've been hungrier than I ever expected.

The nurse at my doctor's office said I would feel hungrier after the first fill, but my fill doc said I wouldn't. Now I believe the nurse, lol!

God I really hate stupid people

I guess I'm letting some of the newbie LBTers get my blood boiling. Stupid people are just hell bent on doing everything they did before but with a band now. Personally I couldn't care less about the dolts that want to self-destruct; what bothers me is the newbies that come in and read the even bigger dolts that tell the original dolt that what they did was "probably okay" because they did it too and ended up fine. *insert huge eye roll here*

Another poster and I had fun one day on another thread to show people the stupidity of such thoughts. She went first:

post 1 - I ate something really horrible even though my doctor said i should still be on liquids. It went down fine, I'm OK, RIGHT??

post 2 - (coming from someone who's been banded for 2-3 months) - I did it too, you'll be fine.

post 3 - (coming from someone who's been banded for 2-3 YEARS) - Dont do it, the post-op diet is for healing, not for losing weight.

original poster - )Ok, thanks post 2, I'll keep on eating my fried chicken, steak, refried beans, etc while on liquids....

post 3 again - GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!

And my take:

Post 1 - I have this car. It's pretty old and worn out, but I really need to make this car last, so I got new tires which will really help my situation and allow me to get to my job so I can keep my home and pay the bills. However my overwhelming desire to drive over fields of glass shards and nails got the better of me and I did it three days after getting the new tires. Do you think they are okay?

Post 2 - Yeah, I did that once and I was fine. You'll be fine, just don't do it that often.

Post 3 - Wait, I'm no mechanic but I have owned cars for 20 years and that's just not a good thing. If you need the car to get to you job which helps keep you in your home and food on the table, you may want to reconsider doing that.

Original Poster - Okay Poster 2, thank you for sharing your experience. You came out okay, so I'm sure I will too. My tires can handle it even though the owner's manual and my mechanic said not to. That way I can enjoy my new tires AND feed my overwhelming need to drive over shards of glass and nails.

Hm, I dunno. Sounds kinda stupid when you put TIRES in the storyline... I mean, they're hundreds of dollars and you have to put the car up on those wicked lifts and stuff...

There's one guy eating a double-double burger from In-N-Out Burger, and another who was eating an entire hamburger TWO DAYS out from surgery, along with tortellini and other "small meals" right after surgery.

Good Lord, I should just stay off those threads and let the utterly stupid implode on themselves. If they want to destroy themselves, please, do it quickly. However, I get concerned for newbies who are considering lap-band OR new bandsters who all feel they can do this. ARRRGGGHH!!!

The Biggest Loser

I have gotten into TBL a few times before, but for the last number of seasons I have not followed because it usually came on while I was watching something else I was committed to. I caught the very last episode of Season 8 and saw Michelle win. Wow, did she look great!! She was beautiful all the way through, but wow was she a stunner at the end.

I'd like the show to help add to my inspiration. I don't always do well in the working-out department (I certainly didn't do it tonight like I was going to...), and I did buy some of their workout videos to help me along (um, yeah, still wrapped in the original packaging. Maybe via osmosis).

I see these people, many of whom are larger than I am, and I feel lucky, in a way, that I "only" weigh what I do. Everything is relative. Somebody out there probably wishes they weighed what I do as much as I wish I weighed the same as somebody else.

I just have to always remember, today is what it is, I can't change it, and to keep doing what I'm doing towards a better, healthier me.

Getting motivated for the new year

Well I finally broke out a workout video last night -- Richard Simmons, of course. I really like him and his enthusiasm, and his stuff is just challenging enough right now without being SO hard-core that I can't do more than 10 minutes.

I needed it to distract me from the fact that DD and grandbaby left yesterday and I was totally depressed and crying a lot. It did help me, if not to lift my spirits, then to at least make me realize I was doing something positive and worthwhile.

Got on the scale this morning and I was up TWO POUNDS. Granted, since the 26th we've eaten out nearly every day because we have had company. I wasn't making bad choices, per se, but I don't like eating out that much. Now it's over. Time to regroup and move on.

I MAY try to see if I can get my second fill next Monday. I'm set for the end of the month, but I'm still eating pretty well and have been hungrier than I had hoped I would be. If I can get in then, it'll only be two weeks since the last one, but he only put in .6 cc, so not much. If I can do it Monday, then I won't be put out too badly when I go visit my folks on Thursday. I'll still be on mushies that day but will be able to eat "normal" on Friday.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a new me in 2009!

2009

Well here it is, the new year. It doesn't really feel any different than 2008 did, except that there is one major change: My BAND!

This is my year. By this time next year I anticipate I will be in onderland; I will realize that I have mirrors in my house; I will enjoy going out to functions; I will enjoy shopping for clothes; I will not be traumatized when I get into airplane seats or amusement park rides; I will feel better about myself being naked in front of DH; and I WILL get a matching set of lingerie for the first time ever!

I made a commitment to myself that I will become best friends with my band and help her help me. I also have my tattoo -- BELIEVE -- to remind me whenever I put hand to mouth that I have committed to myself.





And this is the last time I will look like this *shudder*:





Yes, 2009 is the beginning of the end of never having my picture taken, too. Thank God for the Hawaii trip we took in October, otherwise I would have no before pics!