Well, I finally broke down and did it. I went to a local Overeaters Anonymous meeting yesterday. There's only one in my town that was given at a time that I could attend, which is 8:45 on a Saturday morning. Ugh.
It was okay. When I got there, this other lady and I (who were both trying to find it) were the only ones there besides the two hosts. Little by little a couple others trickled in until there were six of us in total.
One was a recovering bulemic (the one that came in with me, cuz I looked at her and thought WTH??), and everybody had been to OA before -- either this meeting or years before. I was the only OA virgin.
I guess the only thing that put me off a tad was that they read everything from a binder. I mean, people told their stories and all, but it felt too... scripted. I dunno. I'll keep trying and see if it's really for me or if I should go another route like some other form of group thing or private therapist.
I always knew that my issues were more mental than they were physical or even about right food choices. I have lost a lot of weight in the past (50 pounds once, 70 pounds more recently), and for some reason, when I start realizing I'm succeeding, or when I start getting attention (usually male), I freak out and start sabotaging myself and eating all the wrong things. Then I end up back where I started -- or worse.
I haven't yet figured out what that trigger is or why it happens. The fact is, though, I know that it DOES happen, which is probably half the battle. I can only think that MAYBE it was because when I was losing the other times, my relationship with DH was not as close as I would have hoped and I was afraid the male attention would make me do something I would regret. That's all I can guess.
So if that IS the issue, or if it's simply that I no longer know how to deal with attention and compliments, I need to get a grip on that and figure it out. I canNOT have myself sabotage my own self again and risk my health.
No comments:
Post a Comment