How to use the word "shit" 832 times in one paragraph

Okay, this is a post just to bitch because now I'm crabby and cranky due to getting NO sleep last night at all:

I'm tired of feeling like shit. Because my sinuses are all screwed up, my face, teeth, and yes, even tongue hurt like shit. I haven't slept worth shit for three days. And I'm tired of this shit (drainage) choking me when I DO try to lay down and sleep. All during this time, all I have been doing is blowing shit out my nose -- when shit is not running out of my eyes, that is, due to my nose being overly blocked. I went out to dinner tonight looking like shit -- nose, mouth, and half my cheeks red and raw and peeling from all the blowing (why is it tissue feels SO soft until you have to blow your nose like three times, and then it turns to evil sandpaper??), and even what I was wearing looked like shit because everything casual I had to wear that is even remotely winter-ish is in the wash (ask CC, she saw me, poor thing!). So I got caught wearing -- get this -- grey spandex body-hugging pants (if you can call them that). In public. To a restaurant no less. Where poor, unsuspecting souls were trying to eat. While 266 pounds (me, not them). With lard-ass. No, not hubby, MY lard ass. I think jusme saw me and wrote in her blog about it (lol). The only things missing were the stirrup thingies to make them look like ridiculous shit. From the 80's. I may as well have worn a nasty belly shirt with the invisible spaghetti straps and a humongous mooseknuckle to really finish off this visible feast (see below for explanation, but I warn ya, swallow now). No doubt I would have had to gouge my own eyeballs out with a spork and be done with it. The world would thank me. My first standing O.

Okay, I don't feel better, but I said "shit" a lot. I'd apologize, but I feel too shitty to care.


Yes, just because I'm just that crabby about now. Admit it, you laughed.