Promises, promises

I began a new workout routine yesterday. It's Tony Horton's Power 90. I have been reading about some of you doing the P90X, but after reading the reviews, I felt I would more easily ease into it through the Power 90 instead of going for something that is eXtreme. Not that the Power 90 is easy, mind you, but it sounded like it's not quite so intense.

So that now requires something of me -- a promise to stick to this for 90 days. Granted, it'll take more than that, but that's a number that's attainable. I can do anything for 90 days. I have lived a life of obesity for many, MANY series of 90 days. I have to remember that living 24/7 as an obese person is much more difficult than setting aside 35 minutes for a workout, no matter how hard. I even adjusted my work schedule at my new job so that I could get in a workout when I get home. The first three days I was there, we were in training, so the hours were set at 8:30 to 5:00, but I wasn't getting home until close to 6:30. As of Thursday, I bumped it back from 8:00 to 4:30 -- which gets me home at 5:30. Today I immediately changed clothes, washed off the war paint, and went to my basement to work out.

Some of the followers of Tony Horton have written promises to themselves. I think I need to write myself something more than a promise -- I need a love letter. I can't tell you the last time I received one, but who better to get one from than myself, right? So here it goes:

I have spent too many years -- about half my life now -- being overweight. Scratch that -- being downright fat. Too many days were spent being sedentary, too many meals were eaten in mass quantities, too much ice cream has been devoured, too little attention has been given to my health. I am NOT this person, and like a diamond in the rough, I need to find the real me inside this body.

I will commit to doing the Power 90 program for for six days a week for 90 days. I am worth the 35 minutes a day that are required of me. I will cherish that time as MY time, and I will not grumble that "I have to work out." I will view it as a blessing that I am able to move and get fit because too many can't due to physical limitations. I have been blessed with a body that, so far, has not let me down. It's up to me now to not let my body down any longer and get fit.

This is my promis to ME.

As a great start to this program, I hit my all-time banded low of 212.4 yesterday. I WILL be in Onederland very soon. :)

It didn't stick

I weighed myself this morning, and the six pounds I gained last week while my mom was here are almost gone. As of this morning, five of those six are gone. I am within 1.2 pounds of my 214.2 from week before last. Exciting times, as anything beyond 214.2 will be new lows for me. :)

NO, NO, a thousand times NO!

I started a new job yesterday. I'm still on the fence as to how I feel about it, but it pays well and I am very familiar with most aspects of the job.

I came in today and walked into the kitchen to put my sensible lunch in the fridge only to be met with two HUGE boxes of donuts and about a half-dozen bagels. OMG! My boss had bought them all, and the entire office was sitting around the table enjoying them. He told me to dig in, to which I politely said, "No." I said something about having eaten in the car on the way to work (true), though my hardboiled egg, cottage cheese, and half a peach wasn't quite as yummy as those donuts looked.

He kept saying, "Just one. Just take one," and I kept politely thanking him. I told him I have worked hard to lose 80 pounds and still have a lot more to go. He was so sweet... he asked what kind of treat he could get for me that I would be able to eat. I will have to think about that one. ;)

Six pounds in seven days... :(

Well, last week totally sucked. I lost one of my best friends (I miss you, Amber...), my mom was here visiting (that didn't suck) but it rained the entire week, and I gained six pounds in seven days. For the most part, I really didn't even eat badly! The only things I ate that went off task was popcorn (three times) and some Good'n Plenty. Breakfasts, lunches, and dinners were normal-ish. What wasn't normal wasn't horrendous. We even got some walks in for exercise, though it wasn't every day specifically due to the rain.

I'm not eating my sorrows away, and I started back on day one of the 17-Day Diet since I can't say I was following it 100 percent during the last week. It should give me another good jump.

I'm NOT, however, changing my ticker. ;)

My heart is shattered

I lost a special friend today
the kind you can't replace,
and looking at her empty bed
I still can see her face.

I know she's in a special place
our Lord has for such friends,
Where meadows, fields & flowers
help make them strong and whole again.

I know she's watching over me
She'll be with me when I cry,
So with one more kiss on her beloved head
I told my friend goodbye. ~ Unknown

Today was the day. My baby needed me to make the hardest decision I've ever had to make. She wasn't doing well all morning and was throwing up the only thing she wanted -- water. People say you'll know when it's time. I guess they're right. Waves of tears have been hitting me all day. I feel as if I'll never be the same again without her here, but I know in time that won't be true. I'll never forget her, but I will miss her forever.

"Please see that my trusting life is taken gently. I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands."

Grief and coping

My best furfriend is dying, and I'm an emotional wreck. I will likely have to put her down sometime this week, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this. I have had her for most of her 13 beautiful years, and she is the first pet I've owned throughout her life -- so I've never been faced with this before.

She started doing badly right after we returned from Italy. She had been showing her age before then, but she wasn't ailing that we could see. We ran a gamut of tests last month, only to realize after $600 that we knew what it wasn't. However, just since early August, she has lost a lot of weight (even though she was eating pretty well) and she just isn't herself. She's looking sickly, so much so that her ears now look huge on her head because even her head and face are gaunt. Her butt has no fat on it whatsoever, and her rib cage is looking big because her waist is getting so small. These days she's acting like she wants to eat, even following us into the kitchen, but eats very little of the different things we've tried to give her.

Overall I've done pretty well on my diet, even having dipped to my lowest banded weight to date of 214.2. This is primarily because I'm not horribly hungry because I'm so despondent over her failing health and the fact that I will be forced to make a decision. Though I don't blame Him, I can't understand why God can't just take her for me so I'm not forced to have my baby killed. I've cried more in the last six weeks -- and moreso in the last few days -- than I have in a long time. I find myself just watching her and studying her face. My mom, who happens to be visiting this week and who I hope will not be forced to be involved in my baby's passing, asked me yesterday what I was thinking as I was watching my beloved Amber. I said I was just taking it all in while I still can, because I know these moments are numbered.

I am, however, determined not to let it derail me from my goals. I'm noticing something through all of this -- when I was doing school and stressed, I ate. When I'm despondent like now, I have lost the desire to eat very much. Though I'm not NOT eating, it brings no joy, no comfort, no companionship, nothing. I'm now realizing that my TRUE companion is dying, and my heart is breaking.

Smack dab in the middle

I'm baaaaaaack!

School is done, graduation commenced, my diploma has been received, vacations were taken, and a job has been found. And in the midst of it all, I've lost 30 pounds.

Graduation was May 21, and I graduated with honors. After that, I took a couple vacations By that time, after the stresses of school and finals, I had re-gained 30 pounds overall from my lowest banded weight of 215. We went to Italy from July 9 to the 23rd, and before I left, I was 245. Yep, I had re-gained nearly half of my overall loss.

We went on vacation, walked everywhere, and visited Rome, Florence, and Venice, with side-stops to Pisa, San Gimignano, Siene, Murano, and Burano. We also saw Vatican City, St. Peters Basilica, and the Sistine Chapel. I went up into il Duomo in Florence, the big cathedral there, and climbed all 463 steps to the very top. I went to Piazzale Michelangelo which is a steady upward climb so that I could catch some beautiful sunset photos over the Arno River, and this was after having gone to Pitti Palace and the Boboli Gardens, also tons of upward walking for most of the tour. We would get started walking around 10:00 most mornings, and we would be out and about until about 9:00 every night. It was hot enough that I was rarely hungry during the day, so meals consisted of breakfasts at our hotels and then a shared dinner. Granted, nearly every meal was pasta, and I even ate some bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, but when I got home, I had lost seven pounds. More interesting is that I lost another seven pounds in the two days after I got home. I attribute that to losing the after-travel bloat and no longer eating pasta. So yes, on 14 days of vacation, I lost 14 pounds. Tell me that won't jump-start your diet!

Since getting home, I began the 17-day diet and have lost another 15 pounds in about 32 days. I am back to within one pound of my all-time banded lowest weight. I did it on vacation, having fun, and walking like I've rarely walked before.

Now I'm back in full force and ready to push past that 215 milestone. When I updated my ticker, I noticed I'm smack dab in the middle of my weight-loss goal -- I've lost 76 pounds and I have another 76 to go. My next goal will be getting to Onederland, and then after that will be losing another eight pounds to make 100 pounds lost.

Yes, I am back indeed.

(The photo at the top is from Piazzale Michelangelo looking down the Arno towards the Ponte Vecchio.)