A birthday and -- what?

I had a birthday on Thursday.  It was uneventful and pretty much came and went with a sigh in more ways than one.

One of the reasons is that I probably weigh this year the same as I did at my birthday last year.  Granted, I'm not disappointed that I'm less than I was at my height, but... do I REALLY want to be over 200 pounds and view that as a GOOD thing??  I don't think so.  :(

I've been in a funk.  For the longest time it was the fact that I was doing everything right and not being "rewarded" for it with scale movement.  I know, I know, my clothes probably fit better, but we ALL want to see that number move down.  I SAY I don't care if I'm 300 pounds, so long as I can fit into a size 6 or 8, but we all know that's crap.  I want to be a normal weight too.

So I finally started to move down some and then had problems with reflux and getting badly stuck one day, which led my surgeon (not my regular fill person) to unfill me by almost half.  I'm STILL not back up to where I was, though I do have a fill scheduled for tomorrow at 1:00.  Thirteen and-a-half hours.  And counting.  Tick..................................................... Tock................................................... Tick................................................................................................................. Tock....................................................................................................................................

Hubby and I leave for Jamaica in just over two weeks, and back when I scheduled this vacation I was SURE I would get under 200 pounds as I only had 15 to go.  Then the unfill, and I gained 17.  This last month has not been good in many ways, and I have not felt much restriction.  And I've eaten as if I have no restriction.  I don't even have the nerve to get on the scale.

And exercise??  Pffffft, whassat?  WTH is wrong with me?  I SAY it's because I'm busy, but I'm not SO busy that I can't work out.  I'm just... I guess I'm just in a funk.  I never expected this to be a snap, but some seem to drop it SO easily while people like me may as well be on a regular diet for all the benefit I'm getting from this.  It really pisses me off.  :(

God grant me strength

...to survive my foodie friends.

Foodie friends are moving closer to us.  Much closer.  Right now they are about 14 miles away.  At the end of the month they'll be 2.5 miles.  I know this because foodie friend wife did a mapquest search.  o_O  As it is, foodie friends don't seem to get the concept of responsibilities, moderation, or boundaries.  I have had to say "no" more times than I can count for different things.

Today I posted on Facebook that I got a B+ (88) on my first test in my C session summer class.  Her response?

"Great job!!! That sounds like a celebration at Cold Stone."

For those who aren't familiar with Cold Stone, it's an ice cream shop.  A very, VERY yummy ice cream shop.

I simply answered, "LOL, nope!"

Her answer was that she didn't mean today. 

I finally just said that I canNOT keep "rewarding" myself with food and goodies, so it's going to be a no.  Maybe I should ask her to send me money instead.  ;)

I'm not going to survive this move.  I like them well enough, but there are things about them that drive me nucking futs.

Not working as I had hoped

Well, I'm glad I got my fill so I can no longer eat a Yugo in one bite.  However, I'm still wide open enough to be able to eat a Vespa without really chewing. 

I have another fill scheduled for the 26th, thank God!  Here's hoping that one works but doesn't work TOO well so that I'm having issues, since we're heading to Jamaica on August 11.  That should be enough of a buffer to know if it is going to be okay or not.

But still -- I'm hungrier than I had hoped.  Couple that with the fact that I'm not exercising, and it's just a mess.  What's wrong with me??  :(