I am so excited!!

I was on LBT the other day and was in the area-specific section, and I noticed a number of people are in my town. That got me thinking that it would be great if the half-dozen or so of us could get together and meet, maybe network, and just overall support one another.

One of the ladies got hold of me via PM and, long story short, she lives right around the corner from me!! Omg, I couldn't believe it!

We met yesterday (she was a doll and brought me some of her clothes that don't fit anymore), and we really clicked. She was banded in April, so she has already had some of the experiences I am sure I will have. I kid you not, our interests are so alike that she is more like my sister than my own sister! We are close in age, like to sew, LOVE horses, and a bunch of other stuff that one would say something and the other would say, "ME TOO!!"

So now we each have an ass-kicking partner, somebody to understand the other and what we're going through, somebody to help the other out if they're not quite feeling up to walking the dog today... but so much moreso than just having an exercise buddy. It's SO exciting for both of us. Since moving here, it's been hard to really find somebody I clicked with, and I know she said the same thing too after having moved from out of state.

Anyway, that is one helluva NSV for me. We're gonna get together today and she's going to make me one of her famous high-protein shakes. I can hardly wait! Gotta get homework done so I can go out and play. LOL

Thanksgiving Day... :(

The only good thing I have to say about today is that we are not spending it with family. I think I would just die if I had to sit there with all that food around and I could only smell but not touch. The closest thing I will have to a Thanksgiving dinner will be chicken broth and perhaps a vanilla protein shake with a blob of pumpkin and cinnamon added. *sob*

I feel just as sorry for hubby since he is missing out because of me. He's being a helluva sport about the whole thing, though.

It looks like by Christmas I will be able to eat, so that's good. Finally starting to feel a bit more normal, but I am getting the "shakes" like I get when I'm sick and don't eat or drink enough. Luckily I've been doing great with my water -- have been getting in 7-8 glasses a day, which is the minimum. But I have been doing this since the beginning, so that's definitely a plus in my favor.

Tuesday is my post-op check-up. As of today I am down 16 total pounds since I began the liquid diet. YAY! Of course right now I know it's because I'm starving. LOL

Three days out

Wow, yesterday was... OUCH. Sore, hunched over like I was 85, and very tired and miserable. Thank goodness I had meds. And sleep. Slept until 11:00, got up, did very little, took pain meds, went back to bed at 3:00, and got up at 7:00. If it wasn't for an online project due last night for my IT class, I would have just said screw it.

Today was like night and day. Still sore, but not nearly as much. Went for a walk to get my strength up and move some gas along (lol), and got all my fluids in today! YAY!

Called the doctor's office regarding a prescription and danged if I didn't forget to schedule my 2-week post-op visit. Oh well... I'll try to remember tomorrow.

Tried to get on the scale today, and the battery died. Hell, I think it's the same darned battery that came with the scale which I bought at least three years ago. I'll sneak a peek tomorrow just to see how things are going. Once I got a new battery in, I stepped on, fully clothed, in the middle of the day. I typically weigh first thing in the morning and no clothes because, let's be honest -- THAT'S what I weigh, right? lol

And I am definitely looking forward to a shower tomorrow. Haven't had one since before I went in for surgery on Friday. YUK!

First day back home

Wow, it's really hitting me now -- the changes, the challenges, the fact that this is a done deal. I'm excited to see what I haven't seen in way too many years. :)

The surgery went well, from what the doctors have told me. Liver was great, and during my next visit they will show me actual pictures of my insides and my band. Wow, if I'm gonna see it, I ought to name it too, huh? lol

Just sore right now. They have me on Percocet and/or Vicodin. I filled both scrips. Getting ready to take an Ambien to help me sleep (didn't sleep more than a couple hours total at the hospital), so I will keep it short tonight.

YAY ME! :)

Okay, so today is the big day!

I literally leave in 10 minutes to go to the hospital. Check-in is 12:30, and surgery is scheduled for 2:30. The only thing I can say right now is I'm thirsty. The protein drinks make my mouth feel like soggy shredded cardboard, which makes me feel thirsty. And I can't have anything at all before surgery. Ugh...

I am trying the best I can to tap into my feelings. More excited than nervous, though any nerves I have pertain to me and worring about feeling as if I may fail yet again. However, I know I have to push those things aside completely. This WILL work, and I WILL work the band properly. That's it. No arguments. Right? :)

I should hold a little "funeral" for the me that is being put under today. I'm planting a seed (my body), and from it a new, beautiful flower will bloom. I read all the stories at LapBandTalk and know that I WILL be one of those success stories. I will be able to be an inspiration to others one day. Though truth be told, that will just be icing on the cake. The first and foremost issue is to get through this surgery, follow the doctor's instructions to a T, and get healthy for ME.

Goodbye, me. The new-and-improved me is about to be born. :)

A change in perspective

I posted some of these recent posts over at LapBandTalk, but I wanted to move them here to share as well to keep close.

I used to want to lose weight and look the same I did when I was in my 20s and had a hot body.

Now I want:

To see my clavicle, a rib or even a waistline again.

I used to want to lose weight and be able to turn guys' heads again.

Now I want:

To be able to tie my shoes, walk upstairs, and (blush) have sex without difficulty.

I used to want to lose weight and look good in a bikini again.

Now I want:

To not be staring diabetes in the face, not worry about high blood pressure, not have my knees, hips, and feet ache, and not see this fat person staring back at me from the mirror -- when I catch a fleeting glance, of course.

I now simply want my health and quality of life back. I want to have pictures of me again (few taken in 15 years)! I want to shake the embarassment, the sadness, the self-contained lonliness because I don't want to (or can't) do some things with others. I used to want to look great again, but if my body looks halfway decent after my journey, I will take the blessing and look at it as icing on the cake. My vanity days are over. I just want my life back.

Something to commemorate my journey

I wanted to do something that would, for me, mark the beginning of the new me.

A couple Sundays ago, I went to a tattoo parlor and go inked. I already had a tattoo from years ago (hidden), but this one is right there for me to see, to remind me.

I realize that even though I will have the band, I will still require making good choices and maybe even some willpower.

I found a tattoo that I liked that said, in Chinese: God give me strength. I wanted it on the inside of my right wrist (my eating hand, lol) to remind me. Sadly they couldn't do that in the small area I wanted (couldn't shrink it down enough), so I went with a simple Chinese symbol: BELIEVE.

I pray that it will help me remember what I am doing, where I am going, and where I came from. It will stare at me every time I pick up a fork or put my hand to my mouth.

I know it's a bit drastic for some, but for me, this commemorates the new me that will come out of this journey.

Twas the Night Before Surgery...

Okay, I thought I would post each night that I was on liquids, but frankly, it was the same-old same-old. LOL Didn't really start getting the hungries until yesterday, so I guess that's not too bad.

Haven't lost beyond the 10 I lost in the first three days, but that's fine. I know the old bod is in shock getting so few calories and all. I will have my last shake tonight just before midnight since I can't have anything after, and my surgery is at 2:30pm. Ugh... The meds better be worth it cuz I'ma gonna be a bear. :)

It's like it's finally sinking in. Tomorrow is the day. It's my last fresh start. So to commemorate this new phase of my life, I have to say goodbye:

Well, it's been fun. Scratch that. Actually it hasn't. I may as well be real.

I'm saying goodbye to the me I see in the mirror. I'm saying goodbye to fat clothes, stretch pants, sweats, red face, panting while walking, aching joints, and feeling out of place at most functions, or simply feeling invisible. I'm saying goodbye to hating myself and being uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm saying goodbye to feelings of inadequacy due to my weight (the other stuff will be dealt with, however), and, let's face it, a difficult sex life.

I'm saying hello to the person I was meant to be, hello to regular clothes, walking without discomfort, tying my shoes with ease (!), and dancing! I'm saying hello to a healthier me, one that loves and forgives herself for not having been perfect and never going to be perfect. I'm saying hello to swinging from the chandeliers with my husband and maybe even buying that naughty nurse outfit I never had the nerve to try before.

Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my life. Goodbye, old me. A newer model is coming down the pike.

Day three of pre-op liquids

Okay, still doing well. I've been trying a bunch of different stuff that we got at Trader Joe's yesterday, from powders to canned protein drinks to simple chicken broth and butternut squash soup.

Still doing amazingly well. I've been keeping under 50 grams of carbs (though got close yesterday with 45), and the weight loss is still happening -- another 2 pounds this morning. Not as huge of a drop as yesterday's 4.5, but hey, I am NOT complainin'!

Tried a Kefir milk today with a chocolate protein powder. Hmmm... interesting taste. At first I thought it had gone bad, even though it doesn't expire until January. It had a kind of sour taste. It worried me enough that I looked it up online to see what the taste is. Some people said between buttermilk and sour cream. Ah, okay. Then this is normal... *gulp* I added a Splenda and two ice cubes to the mixer and it's very do-able.

I ordered more UnJury packets yesterday, so I should have them by Tuesday. I like the chicken soup one very much. Besides, when I eat warm things, I feel like I'm really eating. It's a bit hard to drink down these cool shakes at the beginning of winter.

I've done without coffee, but have replaced hot tea here and there to warm up and get in some warm liquids. So at this stage, the fact is it's not as bad as I had worried that it would be. Besides that, I promised myself I will NOT complain. Being fat is much worse than any discomfort I will go through now and in the near future. I want this bad enough that I will not "cry" about it. And thankfully I have this blog to remind me of this on the days I feel like I will crawl out of my skin. :)

Day two of liquids

Still not doing too bad. The shakes and protein drinks haven't been as bad (knock on wood) as I expected they might. So far.

Got on the scale this morning, and in one day I was down 4.5 pounds. My nurse had told me to expect to lose 8-15 pounds during the liquid phase. I said I could do that easy. In the past when I've done diets (good eating, not restrictive bs diets), I was known to lose 15 pounds in one week. I don't know if it's all water weight or what, but I expect pre-op to do well by me.

Hubby is not eating much around me. If anything, he acts guilty or just conscientious about the fact that I can't eat. Tonight he got Taco Bell, which I hate anyway. My hunger is rather dull and not like I'm ravenous, thank God. I promised myself I won't complain about being hungry since I want this so badly. Let's see if I can keep my promise!

First day on pre-op liquids

Wow... first day trying to be good, doing my liquid diet for pre-op. Only day one and I could eat a cardboard box. And I have to do this for a week. I ought to be fun by Sunday... People were fixing their lunches at work today, and the smells wafting out of the kitchen were killing me. *sob*

It really wasn't that long ago that I decided to do Lap Band surgery. The first of October, to be exact. My surgery will take place on November 21 at 2:30 pm. I'm excited, anxious, excited, nervous, excited, and apprehensive. Oh, and did I say I was excited? I'm trying to prepare myself for as much as I can, though everybody seems to have such different experiences that I think it'll be difficult to know for sure.

Regardless, I'm ready. Sixteen years of this excess weight is just too much. Beginning weight this morning: 288. Ugh. Well... good-bye to you, fatso! I'm on my way beginning today.