Who Hid the Donuts?

An affair that was so long overdue

2011-10-19T22:21:00.004-04:00

I've begun having an affair, and I can tell you nobody is more surprised than I am. It kind of came out of nowhere, but it was born out of the unhappiness that has been my life for so long.

I finally found somebody who accepts and loves me as I am, flaws and all, but who also wants nothing but the best for me, even if that means that I feel I need to make improvements in my life. This person enjoys my company, likes my strength, and most important, puts me first.

I've been spending a lot of time with my new lover, and I haven't looked back. If anything, this new relationship just shines a big old spotlight on everything that's wrong with my marriage.

Typically I would say that one would be making a huge mistake, taking up with somebody new before the old relationship is over. However, my new affair is not what you think. My new lover is myself. For probably the first time in my life, I have come to not only accept and like myself, but to begin caring enough to do whatever it takes to protect the me that's still there under all the crap that's been heaped upon her. Part of that new affair means allowing my "lover" to protect me and serve as a distraction from those who seek to hurt or bring me down. The other part is to enjoy spending time with myself, pampering myself, and distancing myself from ugly.

This means that I'm not wallowing. Heck, I have to feel something to wallow, and for the most part, I have shut down completely. However, I have been very diligent with my workouts, and I have not turned to my old nemesis, ice cream. I've been staying pretty good on plan, and my weight has not been fluctuating at all, which is truly amazing, but it's also further empowering. I'm finally taking charge.

I wish each and every one of you an affair of your own. It's a pretty cool place to be.

On the verge

2011-10-16T10:49:00.004-04:00

Well, I'm on the verge of never setting foot inside a woman's store ever again. Yesterday I went shopping and gladly forked over $300 for some new clothes as my 18s are too big. I am now solidly in 16s, y'all! I can't tell you how exiciting that is! Since my banded journey, I have not been here.

And the best part? I specifically bought NOTHING in black. Well, except for the bitchin' sassy little lace-up heeled booties I got, but not a stitch of clothing in black. The tops are all in jewel tones (thankfully those are back this season as I haven't seen them in a while -- it's been pastels for far too long), and the pants were bought in brown, navy, and a gorgeous soft amethyst color.

To boot, I bought two new bras that are now a 42 C instead of a 44 C -- a necessary evil I always hated more than anything as a fat chick because they made fat girl bras such that they pulled your girls apart and nearly had them under your frikken' armpits, OR they looked like torpedoes, OR the bras had like eight hooks on the back. It was truly mortifying.

I also went and bought some new "REAL" makeup from the department store instead of getting Covergirl or Maybelline from the drugstore. Then I got a cute little silver bracelet I saw in passing as I went through JC Penney.

To top it off, I went and got a new haircut. I've had short hair for a long time (not because I wouldn't LOVE to have long hair, but my hair has changed over the years to the point that it won't grow long AND when it does grow somewhat long-ish, it grows OUT, not DOWN), but yesterday I had her chop it into a sassy, spiky 'do, something I've never had the nerve to do before. My mom has always wanted me to, but I just didn't think I could rock it. Now I'm ready to be a more confident, fun person. And I figured, hey, if I hated it, it'll grow back, right? :)

Ah, yesterday was truly a celebration in weight loss, ladies, and it felt great. :)

Shattering the fun house mirror that's been my life

2011-10-11T17:55:00.004-04:00

This past few weeks have been a mind f*** in many ways -- excuse the language. I just can't think of any other way to put it. I've broken the fun house mirror that is my life, and I've chosen to quit looking at my realities head on instead of filtered through splayed fingers.

Two and a half weeks ago, I walked out on my husband. I had to come back the next day because I don't have anywhere to go long-term, and I just started a new job. It was just one thing too many, one time too often. Couple that with the fact that I've really been sticking to eating healthy and working out and getting stronger and feeling that I don't need to keep taking this anymore, and you can do the math.

Since that weekend when I walked out, I have completely checked out. I don't wear my wedding ring anymore. There are no "I love yous," no "good morning/good evening" when I come or go, no doing anything together, no sleeping in the same room. This isn't just an "I'm mad" moment, I'm totally and utterly checked out. I finally -- FINALLY -- believe I deserve better than what I've been getting. He's a miserable person, and the only way he seems to be able to function is to make others around him miserable. Even though he adopted and raised her, he didn't like my daughter. Well, she's been gone for seven years. He hated my parrot, and I sold her earlier this year. He always had negative comments to say about the dogs (not that the dogs are/were bad, just focused on negative stuff whether true or contrived), and one died last month and the other is a senior who has a heart condition. Which just leaves me. I realized that the day would come when I will be the SOLE focus of all his negativity.

Earlier this week is when the mind f*** began. I came to a huge realization. When I was married to my ex, who was physically violent, I walked on eggshells, watched what I said, what I did, overthought things so that I could be prepared for any reaction, and lived in a constant state of upheaval because I was afraid of being beaten. I got fat and guaranteed no man would ever beat me or abuse me again (though in all fairness, I gained 90 percent of my weight while married to my current husband and didn't during the four years I was divorced). However, with my husband, I find myself walking on eggshells, watching what I say, what I do, overthinking things so that I can be prepared for whatever reaction he will have, and I live in a constant state of upheaval because I'm trying so hard not to deal with his emotional mind screws. So, in reality, what's the difference between being physically beaten down and mentally so? I really and truly came to the realization that I'm living the same freaking life in so many ways that I was before, except that with the BEATINGS, I knew they would eventuually end. That hit me like a ton of bricks -- not only that it's abusive in its own way, but that the protective barrier I put up (the weight) was really all for naught, wasn't it?

Add to that I've been watching Ruby on Netflix. They just uploaded the 2010 episodes. When I get past her drawn-out caterwauling when talking to others and her Ruby-isms (I mean, really? Hacky for happy??), some of the show has been very cathartic. One episode in particular was exceptionally so, which I watched on Sunday. It was a two-hour episode in which Ruby and some of her other heavy lady friends do a six-day intensive therapy/detox, and they really start getting into the different things that happened in their lives which helped contribute to their weight gain. A lot of those issues in my life are not new and, frankly, have been dealt with through therapy, but on the heels of what's happening right now, it hit pretty hard.

Anyway, I have an appointment tomorrow night with a therapist that my husband and I used to visit for couple's counseling. I told her that I have one foot out the door now and wanted to talk to her about that and also about my willingness to stay for 20years and put up with what I now consider to be emotional abuse. She forewarned me that her focus is on helping couples stay together, but she's willing to speak with me for one or two sessions since she knows us and our history. This way I'm not starting fresh with somebody new who has never met him. This is no longer about working on US. It's now about working on ME, and that me will likely be without him. The fact is, he doesn't believe he has a problem; and unless or until somebody realizes that they DO have one, then all the therapy in the world will be nothing more than a huge waste of money. I can't fix him -- I can ONLY fix me. And "me" doesn't like being shit on anymore. "Me" finally feels that I deserve better, and "me" no longer feels grateful that some guy wants to be with me. "Me" NOW wants to see how great I can be to myself.

Promises, promises

2011-09-19T21:50:00.002-04:00

I began a new workout routine yesterday. It's Tony Horton's Power 90. I have been reading about some of you doing the P90X, but after reading the reviews, I felt I would more easily ease into it through the Power 90 instead of going for something that is eXtreme. Not that the Power 90 is easy, mind you, but it sounded like it's not quite so intense.

So that now requires something of me -- a promise to stick to this for 90 days. Granted, it'll take more than that, but that's a number that's attainable. I can do anything for 90 days. I have lived a life of obesity for many, MANY series of 90 days. I have to remember that living 24/7 as an obese person is much more difficult than setting aside 35 minutes for a workout, no matter how hard. I even adjusted my work schedule at my new job so that I could get in a workout when I get home. The first three days I was there, we were in training, so the hours were set at 8:30 to 5:00, but I wasn't getting home until close to 6:30. As of Thursday, I bumped it back from 8:00 to 4:30 -- which gets me home at 5:30. Today I immediately changed clothes, washed off the war paint, and went to my basement to work out.

Some of the followers of Tony Horton have written promises to themselves. I think I need to write myself something more than a promise -- I need a love letter. I can't tell you the last time I received one, but who better to get one from than myself, right? So here it goes:

I have spent too many years -- about half my life now -- being overweight. Scratch that -- being downright fat. Too many days were spent being sedentary, too many meals were eaten in mass quantities, too much ice cream has been devoured, too little attention has been given to my health. I am NOT this person, and like a diamond in the rough, I need to find the real me inside this body.

I will commit to doing the Power 90 program for for six days a week for 90 days. I am worth the 35 minutes a day that are required of me. I will cherish that time as MY time, and I will not grumble that "I have to work out." I will view it as a blessing that I am able to move and get fit because too many can't due to physical limitations. I have been blessed with a body that, so far, has not let me down. It's up to me now to not let my body down any longer and get fit.

This is my promis to ME.

As a great start to this program, I hit my all-time banded low of 212.4 yesterday. I WILL be in Onederland very soon. :)

It didn't stick

2011-09-15T22:55:00.003-04:00

I weighed myself this morning, and the six pounds I gained last week while my mom was here are almost gone. As of this morning, five of those six are gone. I am within 1.2 pounds of my 214.2 from week before last. Exciting times, as anything beyond 214.2 will be new lows for me. :)

NO, NO, a thousand times NO!

2011-09-13T21:52:00.003-04:00

I started a new job yesterday. I'm still on the fence as to how I feel about it, but it pays well and I am very familiar with most aspects of the job.

I came in today and walked into the kitchen to put my sensible lunch in the fridge only to be met with two HUGE boxes of donuts and about a half-dozen bagels. OMG! My boss had bought them all, and the entire office was sitting around the table enjoying them. He told me to dig in, to which I politely said, "No." I said something about having eaten in the car on the way to work (true), though my hardboiled egg, cottage cheese, and half a peach wasn't quite as yummy as those donuts looked.

He kept saying, "Just one. Just take one," and I kept politely thanking him. I told him I have worked hard to lose 80 pounds and still have a lot more to go. He was so sweet... he asked what kind of treat he could get for me that I would be able to eat. I will have to think about that one. ;)

Six pounds in seven days... :(

2011-09-12T19:12:00.006-04:00

Well, last week totally sucked. I lost one of my best friends (I miss you, Amber...), my mom was here visiting (that didn't suck) but it rained the entire week, and I gained six pounds in seven days. For the most part, I really didn't even eat badly! The only things I ate that went off task was popcorn (three times) and some Good'n Plenty. Breakfasts, lunches, and dinners were normal-ish. What wasn't normal wasn't horrendous. We even got some walks in for exercise, though it wasn't every day specifically due to the rain.

I'm not eating my sorrows away, and I started back on day one of the 17-Day Diet since I can't say I was following it 100 percent during the last week. It should give me another good jump.

I'm NOT, however, changing my ticker. ;)

My heart is shattered

2011-09-07T18:46:00.004-04:00

I lost a special friend today
the kind you can't replace,
and looking at her empty bed
I still can see her face.

I know she's in a special place
our Lord has for such friends,
Where meadows, fields & flowers
help make them strong and whole again.

I know she's watching over me
She'll be with me when I cry,
So with one more kiss on her beloved head
I told my friend goodbye. ~ Unknown

Today was the day. My baby needed me to make the hardest decision I've ever had to make. She wasn't doing well all morning and was throwing up the only thing she wanted -- water. People say you'll know when it's time. I guess they're right. Waves of tears have been hitting me all day. I feel as if I'll never be the same again without her here, but I know in time that won't be true. I'll never forget her, but I will miss her forever.

"Please see that my trusting life is taken gently. I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands."

Grief and coping

2011-09-07T01:16:00.008-04:00

My best furfriend is dying, and I'm an emotional wreck. I will likely have to put her down sometime this week, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this. I have had her for most of her 13 beautiful years, and she is the first pet I've owned throughout her life -- so I've never been faced with this before.

She started doing badly right after we returned from Italy. She had been showing her age before then, but she wasn't ailing that we could see. We ran a gamut of tests last month, only to realize after $600 that we knew what it wasn't. However, just since early August, she has lost a lot of weight (even though she was eating pretty well) and she just isn't herself. She's looking sickly, so much so that her ears now look huge on her head because even her head and face are gaunt. Her butt has no fat on it whatsoever, and her rib cage is looking big because her waist is getting so small. These days she's acting like she wants to eat, even following us into the kitchen, but eats very little of the different things we've tried to give her.

Overall I've done pretty well on my diet, even having dipped to my lowest banded weight to date of 214.2. This is primarily because I'm not horribly hungry because I'm so despondent over her failing health and the fact that I will be forced to make a decision. Though I don't blame Him, I can't understand why God can't just take her for me so I'm not forced to have my baby killed. I've cried more in the last six weeks -- and moreso in the last few days -- than I have in a long time. I find myself just watching her and studying her face. My mom, who happens to be visiting this week and who I hope will not be forced to be involved in my baby's passing, asked me yesterday what I was thinking as I was watching my beloved Amber. I said I was just taking it all in while I still can, because I know these moments are numbered.

I am, however, determined not to let it derail me from my goals. I'm noticing something through all of this -- when I was doing school and stressed, I ate. When I'm despondent like now, I have lost the desire to eat very much. Though I'm not NOT eating, it brings no joy, no comfort, no companionship, nothing. I'm now realizing that my TRUE companion is dying, and my heart is breaking.

Smack dab in the middle

2011-09-02T20:32:00.005-04:00

I'm baaaaaaack!

School is done, graduation commenced, my diploma has been received, vacations were taken, and a job has been found. And in the midst of it all, I've lost 30 pounds.

Graduation was May 21, and I graduated with honors. After that, I took a couple vacations By that time, after the stresses of school and finals, I had re-gained 30 pounds overall from my lowest banded weight of 215. We went to Italy from July 9 to the 23rd, and before I left, I was 245. Yep, I had re-gained nearly half of my overall loss.

We went on vacation, walked everywhere, and visited Rome, Florence, and Venice, with side-stops to Pisa, San Gimignano, Siene, Murano, and Burano. We also saw Vatican City, St. Peters Basilica, and the Sistine Chapel. I went up into il Duomo in Florence, the big cathedral there, and climbed all 463 steps to the very top. I went to Piazzale Michelangelo which is a steady upward climb so that I could catch some beautiful sunset photos over the Arno River, and this was after having gone to Pitti Palace and the Boboli Gardens, also tons of upward walking for most of the tour. We would get started walking around 10:00 most mornings, and we would be out and about until about 9:00 every night. It was hot enough that I was rarely hungry during the day, so meals consisted of breakfasts at our hotels and then a shared dinner. Granted, nearly every meal was pasta, and I even ate some bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, but when I got home, I had lost seven pounds. More interesting is that I lost another seven pounds in the two days after I got home. I attribute that to losing the after-travel bloat and no longer eating pasta. So yes, on 14 days of vacation, I lost 14 pounds. Tell me that won't jump-start your diet!

Since getting home, I began the 17-day diet and have lost another 15 pounds in about 32 days. I am back to within one pound of my all-time banded lowest weight. I did it on vacation, having fun, and walking like I've rarely walked before.

Now I'm back in full force and ready to push past that 215 milestone. When I updated my ticker, I noticed I'm smack dab in the middle of my weight-loss goal -- I've lost 76 pounds and I have another 76 to go. My next goal will be getting to Onederland, and then after that will be losing another eight pounds to make 100 pounds lost.

Yes, I am back indeed.

(The photo at the top is from Piazzale Michelangelo looking down the Arno towards the Ponte Vecchio.)

I haven't forgotten y'all

2011-04-12T15:54:00.000-04:00

I'm in my last five weeks of college before graduation; and for anybody who has gone through college, you KNOW what that means. Besides that, my senior thesis is garnering some attention and is now being showcased in the College of Humanities and Social Sciences yearly symposium (coming up next week), and my professor seems to think it's very possible I might be able to have this published in a scholarly journal when it's all said and done. So needless to say, I've been VERY busy writing and editing and taking 10 credit hours to boot. I WILL be back, better than ever. But because of my stress, I'll no doubt have a few extra pounds to start losing. o_O

Those in glass houses...

2011-02-23T14:13:00.002-05:00

I've sat on this for a few days because I'm just speechless, and NOW I'm getting angry. It's doubly hard when it's a family member that says or does something that is mean-spirited, uncalled-for, and ugly.

I mentioned a couple weeks ago what my sister said to me on Facebook (which is STILL there, I might add) about her new boyfriend mentioning that "at least he got the thin sister." Now she's going after my sister-in-law who is not only as cute as a button, but a genuinely nice person.

My brother wrote a funny e-mail to my mom (which then got shared with the rest of us) about my SIL:

So, for the last several nights, I've come home to [A] wearing her "comfy clothes"... Same pair of jeans and same t-shirt. Yesterday I said, "So, ah... I see you're wearing the same thing AGAIN...." She said, "What's the problem? I don't go out in these clothes; I'm just sitting on the couch." I said, "How about a little variety for when your hubby comes home?"

Today, I get home and she's wearing her wedding dress.....

This was followed by a picture he took with his cell phone. It was ADORABLE and truly funny.

My sister's reply?

I quite clearly saw her holding the back of her dress together, I assumed it was because she couldn't get it zipped up! LOLOL

JUST KIDDING [A] - LUV YA BABE!!

Um... yeah.

Oh, and you can put all the LOLOLOL's you want behind ugly comments, but they're still UGLY. And NOT funny. Except, it seems, to my sister.

Okay, my SIL is maybe 120 pounds soaking wet (and I'd guess she's about 5'7" or so, like me), and she could pass for one of the teenagers she teaches, even though she is in her early 40s. Maybe she was 105 or 110 when she got married about 17 years ago (I'm not a good guesser, but she's always been thin). I'd give ANYTHING to look that good.

I don't know what's gotten into my sister, but I find that really REALLY ugly. I don't even know if it bothered my SIL, but it bothered me. THIS time I didn't keep my mouth shut; I simply wrote back as a "reply all" that she was getting really good at these weight-focused quips and that she must be practicing. Wink. o_0

Again, if my sister was the epitome of perfect living, MAYBE I could give her some slack. Okay, not really, but you get the point. She has a few MAJOR vices of her own that, I guess because they don't show like our weight does, she feels better than people with a weight problem. Granted, when she DOES work out, she work out a LOT -- probably TOO much, as it's almost manic when she does it -- but the primary reason she does it is because she drinks like nobody I've ever seen. Her functioning alcoholism is the elephant in the room that nobody ever addresses or talks about... to HER. All of us have discussed it, but never with her.

But I guess somehow being a food addict is somehow more distasteful than being an alcohol addict to some. And for what it's worth, she's been an alcoholic longer than I've been fat. But wait -- SHE is also a food addict. She's a recovering bulemic and anorexic. I told her one day years ago that the only difference between she and I is that I had never stuck my finger down my throat. However, as I think about this, that's not truly the ONLY difference because, though I have made horrible choices in food which have led to my weight gain, I have never binged.

People in glass houses...

I'm such a loser

2011-02-16T12:01:00.000-05:00

In a month's time, I'm down 12.5 pounds! YAY!

I have been doing very well on my eating program, eating good foods and drinking my water. I have also been exercising as I should (five days a week, but my two "off" days are days I have to trek across campus, so I at least get walking in). My body's been feeling the exercise, but I'd rather that than the alternative, which is to feel the exhaustion from the weight I'm carrying around.

It feels good to finally feel in control of what I'm doing.

Back on the bandwagon!

2011-02-09T16:44:00.001-05:00

Well, since my mom's nice "pep talk" a few weeks ago, I am now officially down 10 pounds! It's a great start, and I'm very happy with it! Now it's time to head to the basement to get today's exercise in.

Balance and lack of core

2011-02-06T00:49:00.000-05:00

Well, I incorporated a NEW exercise into my regimen today -- a balance disc! Wow, will THAT show you how bad your core is! There's a part of me that thinks it could be harder, but parts of it just are not do-able right now with my weight and lack of muscle tone (think planks and planks with leg raises).

However, I've reinstated my love affair with Richard. He's so sweet -- like the most hairy little girlfriend you have. lol

I have also noticed the difference between the videos I have -- on one side is Jillian screaming that you can do it, and on the other I have Richard and a few others lovingly telling you how great you're doing. I guess I pick what I'm going to do based on whether I need the harsh language or loving support.

What is the difference between those who succeed and those who struggle?

2011-02-02T14:47:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about this a lot today. I go to some of your blogs and see HUGE success stories -- the weight has been lost in a year, maybe 18 months, and you're at goal or even below it. I can't tell you how inspirational your stories are! It proves that maybe we can also grasp that golden ring one day and "be there." Maybe WE can wear clothes that are single digits and don't begin with 1s or 2s or have an X in them. You inspire and awe me. And... honestly? I feel a bit envious of you. Not jealous like, "Arrrgh, I wish she was where I am so I could feel better about myself," but more like, "I wish I could feel that good about myself."

I am not one of those success stories. I won't beat myself up and be a downer because I AM 50 pounds down from where I began. I consider that a success in its own right (and for the sake of clarification in this entry, I will refer to those who are at or near goal as success stories, and those of us whose weight may still be bouncing around as the strugglers). But I wonder what is different in me and so many other friends I have that are banded who are struggling with their weight. A couple are struggling with their bands, but that's another story, something that can't be avoided.

I'm talking about those of us who still struggle with the food. I guess I sit here and wonder, since all of us obviously had issues with food which made us fat, how did the success story people overcome that? Was it that, unlike people like me, they considered the band "IT," the end of the line, the final stop on the diet yo-yo crazy ride, and they took it more seriously? It makes me wonder what is lacking in me that SURGERY still was not somehow enough to knock some sense into me. Again, I'm not beating myself up about what I HAVE accomplished, but I need to address these issues so I can keep myself on track and/or apply somebody's wisdom to my shortfalls.

I've been doing well on the 17-Day Diet, which tells me that I do better when I'm structured and not left to my own devices. I don't know if that will always be the case, but I have to be prepared that just eating small portions of junk will not do me any good. We all know the junk food is typically also a slider food, so where some may be able to eat a handful of chips, I can probably still eat half the bag. o_O

So I guess all this is to say that I see a lot more of us struggling -- so what are the success stories doing differently? I think I know the answer (eat well, exercise), but I can't help but wonder if there is more to it. If it's an internal flaw within myself, I don't know how to fix that.

It isn't January 1 by chance, is it?

2011-01-28T23:42:00.000-05:00

I promised myself at the end of the year that come January 1 I was going to start exercising again. I went from working out five to six days a week to zero. Zip. Nada. Zilch. Nyet. Nein. Okay, you get the idea.

Well, I dragged myself kicking and screaming to go work out. Yep, all the way into the basement. I had thought about it for hours, and as it was, I didn't make it down there until 6:45. That's PM. As in evening. Nighttime. Late. Again, you get the idea.

But I did it. I did my old standby, my Goddess kettlebell kick-ass-and-take-names video. Okay, not really -- Jillian could take these wenches. But it was still a good workout. Not quite so wimpy a re-entry into exercise that I feel like I cheated, not quite so hard (*cough*Jillian*cough) that I said, "Well, I'll never do THAT again, thankyouverymuch!"

Now I need to stick with it and make my eating-and-exercise program legit. I mean, without the exercise you just have -- well, eating. It's like Laurel without Hardy, George without Gracie, Penn without Teller, Will without Grace, peas without carr-- oops, that's back to eating again. o_O

NO, NO, A THOUSAND TIMES NO!!!

2011-01-28T21:51:00.000-05:00

NOOO, I do NOT want to go out to dinner with you tonight!! ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!

I told foodie wife last night that I couldn't keep doing the going out thing anymore. SHE seems to have heard, "Sorry, I can't do dinner with you tonight, but why don't you call me tomorrow night about dinner out please, please, pretty please." O,O

Holy crap, are we speakin' the same language??

Foodie friends are starting again...

2011-01-27T22:42:00.002-05:00

They know I'm "dieting" (as in trying to get myself completely under control -- and I've been succeeding). Well, DH is out of town this week for work, and they called tonight to see if I wanted to go out to eat. After we got eight inches of snow yesterday. Uh, not no, but HELL NO. I used the snow as the reason I didn't want to see them, but I told the wife I've been eating well and doing it at home and that I need to continue doing so. It's time AGAIN for that talk. I canNOT believe I have to do this again.

If this doesn't quit, and I mean QUIT, it might be time for a friend-ectomy. They are beyond getting on my last nerve these days. What is it about some people who are either too thick or too self-centered to "get it." If all I'm good for is being an eating buddy, then I'd rather forgo the friendship. This is really making me angry now.

Two more pounds gone!

2011-01-24T23:11:00.002-05:00

That makes five pounds just since Friday! I keep saying to myself that NO FOOD tastes as good as this empowerment feels! :)

I've been sticking really stringently to my eating plan, but I feel like I've been eating a lot. Granted, it's modified for my band (for instance, "liberal amounts" of protein and veggies is no more than 2 or 2 1/2 ounces of meat and 1/2 cup of veggies), but I also realize that one of the things that probably affects me as far as plateaus is not getting ENOUGH food.

There are some who feel if you simply eat X number of calories and expend X+ calories (eat less than you expend), that you will just lose. Period. However, I think all those diet books out there that claim if you eat less than 1,000 calories, it shuts down your metabolism, are right -- at least for me.

I knew a LBTer who swore that she ate 800 calories all the time and lost consistently. Even IF that was true, I don't think it is true for all people.

I'm certainly not counting calories, so I have no idea what I'm getting. But I AM drinking my water and green tea, and I am eating three meals plus one snack (typically Kefir, so it's not really a meal).

I guess we'll see where this goes. :)

Oh, and take that, Mom. Nyeah.

Is it possible to divorce family? :(

2011-01-22T12:50:00.001-05:00

Between my mom's comments last week and today, I think it might just be time. {sigh}

My sister is going through a divorce. He asked her for one just before Thanksgiving. She immediately started dating a guy she's known in her circle for a while who has "loved her from afar." They seem rather inseparable since they began, and they are on vacation as I write this.

She posted a really nice photo of the two of them on her Facebook page. One of her FB friends mentioned that she and her husband look really nice together. This created a flurry of comments that it's not the hubby, and my sister this morning wrote that he was her boy toy. I simply wrote:

"I thought boy toys were younger. MUCH younger. o_O"

Which is true. It wasn't a dig at him; it's just that boy toys are usually in their early 20s or so -- hence the "toy" part. He is NOT 20.

She wrote back:

"[He] said he's glad he got the 'thin' sister!!!! LOLOL"

Holy hell, wtf IS this??

Now mind you, she has her own rather major issues; so to point at my fatness is really rather low since I have not said anything remotely close to her about her vices, much less on a public message board such as Facebook.

Sometimes I just want to run away -- and I don't even live close to anybody. I felt that was a really low blow. And she must not feel too bad about what she wrote as it's still there.

Shelving tools

2011-01-22T12:19:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about this when I went to bed last night (it's weird how and where I think up stuff), and I look back at all the different tools I've had over the years to try to help get my weight under control. Books, diet pills, exercise equipment, and now the band. More often than not, those tools have been shelved after having been utilized for a while. I have books that have been unread (or read and not followed after a while); I have thrown away HUNDREDS of dollars' worth of supplements over the years; my workout equipment probably has an inch of dust all over it; and my band has been bypassed with sliders and unhealthy choices and my pouch, at times, stretched to where it can take in a normal-sized meal.

Why do I do this? Why do WE do this? I'm sure I'm not the only one. When I got the band over two years ago, I said, "This is IT. THIS time I'm serious." And how did THAT work?

I guess all this is to say that we can have all the tools in the world; but if we shelve them, those tools are as useless as WE ALLOW them to be. I'm tired of feeling like I'm being carried along unwillingly towards failure when the reality is that I willingly create it by the choices I make.

This week I have begun dusting off my tools, oiling them up, honing their edges, and preparing them for work.

Another loss!!

2011-01-22T11:01:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was the first day I had done the 17-Day Diet (modified quantity-wise for my band, of course), and I'm down 1 1/2 pounds this morning! With the 1 1/2 I lost the day before and the pound I lost when visiting my parents, that's four in about a week, three of those in two days. I realize right now we're talking mostly water weight as I'm flooding my system with the proper amounts, bit frankly, any loss realized is a real boost!

New year, new attitude

2011-01-21T17:06:00.000-05:00

I guess that's why I'm doing this "diet" thing -- the fact is, I can't control what happens to others, and I can't even control what happens to me in many cases. The one thing I CAN control is making myself healthier by making good choices. I know how I feel when I'm eating well and exercising, and NO food in the world even comes close -- yet I have chosen time and again to eat junk and NOW I've gained 32 pounds from my lowest band weight. I'm done with this shit. Nobody can do this FOR me, and little by little I'm breaking away from the people in my life that are bad influences.

Foodie wife wanted to hook up last night and I said no. I like them, but they annoy me. I need to back up a bit because a lot has happened since I was posting regularly. {insert way-back tinkling sound here}

'Memba foodie husband who burned the crap out of the bottoms of his feet when we went on vacation over two years ago? Well, the one foot was not healing -- it would get so far, and then he'd start acting stupid and it would stop healing or start getting bigger. The doctor would tell him to stay OFF his feet, and the first thing he would do is go to some bike show or something where he was walking all over the place for hours. I swear, sometimes I don't know how the man puts his pants on every day without a pit crew to help him. o_O I truly have a hard time dealing with intentionally stupid people.

Well, he has been in and out of a "boot" to keep him off the affected spot, and he even missed out on his dream vacation in September to Alaska (2 weeks, cruise and land) because his foot started flaring up literally days before they were to leave. You would have thought that would have changed his ways. Oh, he was MAD, but since that time he has probably put on about 60 pounds. I kid you not, he's HUGE! He still takes his insulin, but I guess he thinks that means that he can eat whatever he wants (he eats a bowl of ice cream before bed EVERY night -- "to maintain his blood sugar through the night"), and when he eats for his insulin, he EATS. We're not talking a small, healthy snack here, we're talking a fast-food take-out full meal.

So here recently he broke his big toe and didn't even realize it. Yep, snapped it like a twig. It had probably been a couple days until somehow he noticed the throbbing. This is another sign of diabetes; but come to find out, he ALSO has neuropathy. That coupled with the diabetes can be very VERY dangerous if he's not careful. Which he's not. So you see, food has completely taken over his life because NOW he seems to be able to justify eating so often -- even though the choices are horrible. He WILL kill himself, after he loses his feet and/or legs.

Foodie husband has me really more upset than I should be because he's not even related to me; but the fact that he's given himself diabetes to the point where he now needs insulin and he still eats like a freaking pig and does shit he shouldn't just angers me. Why is that? THAT really confuses me. Maybe it's because I know, by looking at him, that EVERYTHING related to him will revolve around food, going out, etc. Hubby went to a gun show with him while I was at the folks', and immediately afterward it was, "Wanna go get something to eat?" And I'm tired of being the turd in the punch bowl every time the four of us get together and they want to go eat and I say no. They don't seem to get it, and I end up pissed off to hell and back. I need FRIENDS, not eating buddies. But they don't even give a shit about themselves -- I can never expect them to give a shit about me.

I've come to the conclusion that the SECOND this starts up again, I WILL tell them that they have two choices -- they can have me as a friend who will NOT participate in eating out, or they can move along. These people are truly toxic to me, and I'm tired of this fight.

My first loss in a while

2011-01-21T13:50:00.000-05:00

Granted, I got really bad about weighing myself because I couldn't face the reality that I was gaining, but this morning the scale budged for the first time since I reacquainted myself with it nearly three weeks ago. I hadn't even started the 17-Day Diet yet, but I lost 1 1/2 pounds! I am certain the biggest reason for this is resuming water consumption, but I'll take it!

I began the program this morning. Breakfast was two scrambled eggs (no oil or butter), half an orange, and green tea. Lunch will be salmon, probably a salad, and the other orange half. Typically the fruit is listed under breakfast and snack, but since I'm such a late riser (due to late nights, which MUST change so I'm not eating breakfast at 11:00am!), I'll have the orange with lunch today.

Anyway, let's see what happens during this 2 1/2 weeks!

Yeah, I went there

2011-01-20T21:20:00.002-05:00

Okay, don't judge me. :) I broke down and bought this book to help me through some of my eating issues. As some of us know, the band only does so much -- we STILL need to eat well-balanced, good meals. I'm not always good about doing that. Okay, scratch that -- I SUCK at it. Beyond that, last year I went through a plateau from hell where I plateaued for six months while I ate everything right and worked out five to six days a week. I figured this could help get my attention on eating well. This is what the first part of the plan looks like:

The first cycle is "Accelerate," which allows for

lean proteins like salmon, sole, founder, catfish, tilapia, canned light tuna in water; poultry like chicken and turkey breasts, ground lean turkey, eggs, and egg whites;

"cleansing vegetables" like artichokes, asparagus, bell peppers (all colors), broccoli, brussels sprouts, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, celery, cucumbers, eggplant, garlic, green beans, green leafy veggies, kale, leeks, lettuce of all varieties, mushrooms, okra, onions, parsley, scallions, spinach, tomatoes, and watercress;

low-sugar fruit (2 servings daily) like apples, berries (all types) grapefruit, oranges, peaches, pears, plums, prickly pear cactus, prunes, and red grapes; [these servings must be eaten before 2:00 each day so that the body can burn them properly and not turn them into forced fat]

probiotic foods (2 servings daily) like yogurt (any type, including Greek-stle, sugar-free fruit flavored, plain and low-fat), kefir (a drinking "yogurt"), low-fat acidophilus milk, yakult (I have no idea what this is), Breakstone LiveActive cottage cheese, reduced salt miso dissolved in low-fat and low-sodium broth, tempeh, sauerkraut, and kimchi;

and friendly fats (1 to 2 tablespoons daily) such as olive oil or flaxseed oil.

Additionally there are condiments (in moderation) like herbs and spices, Truvia, lite soy, marinara, sugar-free jams and jellies, cooking spray, fat-free cheeses, fat-free salad dressing, salt, pepper, vinegar, mustard, low-carb ketchup, fat-free sour cream, low-fat -sodium broth

A day would look like this:

Breakfast: 2 eggs or 4 egg whites, prepared without oil; or 1 serving probiotic food such as yogurt; 1 fruit serving; 1 cup green tea (he has green tea at every meal, which I will have to figure out where/when to do it)

Lunch: Liberal amounts of protein in the form of fish, poultry, or eggs plus unlimited amounts of cleansing vegetables; or 1 probiotic serving plus unlimited amounts of cleansing vegetables; 1 cup green tea

Dinner: Liberal amounts of protein in the form of fish or chicken; unlimited amounts of cleansing vegetables; 1 cup green tea

Snack/s: 2nd fruit serving; 2nd probiotic serving

Additional: 1 serving (1 to 2 tablespoons) of friendly fat to use on salads, vegetables, or for cooking.

Also, every morning is begun with a hot cup of water with lemon. He says that it gets the body ready to begin processing our food. And of course, eight 8-ounce glasses of water every day (WATER, not just any liquid -- you can have other low- or no-cal stuff like diet sodas, coffee, or tea, but it won't count toward your daily intake).

Sorry, I know this is a lot now that I see it -- but as you see, it's pretty normal eating. There's another process after the first 17 days that I haven't even looked at yet, but I know you can add in other stuff like lean read meats and shellfish, among other things.

As I go through this and learn more, I'll post more.

{insert wicked cackle here}

2011-01-19T01:08:00.001-05:00

So mom called tonight. The first thing out of her mouth was that she gained two pounds in the week I was there. [snicker] Oh, REALLY? And here I lost a pound. She said she couldn't believe it since we ate the same. "Uh, no we didn't," I corrected her. "YOU ate that entire carton of chocolate chip cookies, minus the ONE I ate." Yeah, she forgot that. Plus, I told her the few times I did snack on things like Triscuits, I couldn't eat more than five or six at a time, whereas HER hand kept going in and out of the box. Additionally, the few nights I did ice cream (it was a low-fat vanilla my dad bought [90 calories and 1.5g of fat for 1/2 cup], topped with fat-free chocolate syrup and some walnuts), SHE did a big bowl, while I did a small pyrex bowl that probably only holds about 1/2 cup.

I also said that I found it rather disgusting that she would berate me for gaining weight and then send me on my merry way with cookies. She kind of chuckled at that and said, "Yeah, that's true." I told her I gave all but one of them away.

So yeah, I'm experiencing a bit of wicked glee from the news.

Revenge is sweet

2011-01-18T01:35:00.001-05:00

Well, I left the folks' on Sunday and came home via train (if you've never traveled by train, I HIGHLY recommend it, by the way). Her friend had made some batches of cookies and had given us some while I was there. TWO batches, no less. The first batch, I ate a couple (there were quite a few, sent in a tupperware). The second batch was sent in a baggie.

Before I left on Sunday, my mom told me to take the baggie of cookies with me. WHAT?? Okay, I'm making bad choices, but send me off with cookies so THEY don't eat them? Now mind you, not only did they eat most of the first batch, but she sent my dad to the store to get a container of bakery chocolate chip cookies from the grocery. Out of about 16 to 18 cookies, I had ONE. She ate almost all the rest.

Okay, so she sends me off with these cookies. I didn't really snap to it until earlier today, but when I did, I had a true WTF moment. The GOOD news is that out of the four cookies, I gave two to two little girls on the train, and another one to the lady sitting next to me for the whole trip. That left ME with one, which I did eat.

I got on the scale today, and during my trip I had lost a pound. I wasn't eating great, but I wasn't eating horribly either. I wrote her and asked how SHE did (being snarky and rubbing it in) and told her I had lost a pound. She didn't answer me. I know damn well by the way she was eating that she gained. Revenge is sweet. ;)

When food- and weight-Nazis strike

2011-01-13T20:44:00.000-05:00

Ugh, today was not a good day. I'm visiting my folks right now as I'm between semesters, and today I got "the talking to" from my mom about my weight. Do those closest to us REALLY need to point out that we're still fat or struggling or making bad choices? I don't know about any of YOU, but I know when I've put on weight. I'm the one that has to try to fit into my underpants in the morning.

I'm sure it was MEANT to sound like concern, but what she said was I am fortunate, highly intelligent, can go on vacation if I want, have a nice home, own my vehicles, etc., and from the outside I look to others like I'm strong and accomplished -- so why can't I get it together? And beyond all that, I have a band now to help me lose the weight. So what's the problem? She said I'm using excuses like the stress from last semester to excuse what I'm doing -- "It's 'stress' that made me make bad decisions and not exercise, etc."

My mom, who was thin until she hit her late 50s and could always eat whatever she wanted, has a good 50 or so pounds she could stand to lose. I said, "Okay, then let's turn the tide -- other than the band, you have everything I have AND you don't have a job and you have two gyms you can use here for free whenever you want, so what is your excuse?" She then said that it wasn't about her because she doesn't care about her weight anymore . WTH is with that? I KNEW once I got a band and told her about it, it would be one hugee failure she could point out if I didn't rock it like some have.

I don't know if any of you have gone through that; but if you have, you know how disheartening that feels. I don't need to have my teeth kicked in because there are none left from where I have been kicking them in. I've often wondered what I would have been like if I had had some positive influence in my life. :/

I'm coming out of hiding - Erica and Caroline, this is for you :)

2011-01-13T17:14:00.003-05:00

I've missed you all so much. I know we don't know each other, but I have gleaned so much from so many of you, and I hope I have been able to do the same.

Erica hit the nail on the head. I saw that she and Caroline had both posted something to me in December and I just couldn't bring myself to come here or to deal with my issues. Well, it's a new year, and I have promised myself that I will get back on this horse and ride again.

Initially I was away because last semester was SO stressful and time-consuming. I didn't exercise at ALL and probably haven't done much beyond walk across campus for over six months now. However, as time went on, it got much more than just school stress. My weight, which at its lowest was about 220 (three months before Jamaica, and which I was going to attempt to get into the hundreds BY Jamaica) is now at 247. I don't think I have to tell any of you how devastating that is -- to get surgery and go so drastic and I am now going backwards. [OMG, how freaking depressing -- I went to modify my weight ticker to reflect honestly where I am, and in April of last year I was 215.6, not 220. Just shoot me now... :( ]

I am chatting with others who are banded as well, and only one or two of us are doing any good. The rest are either struggling with weight or their bands have had issues and needed to be removed or swapped out or NEED to be removed.

I had promised myself that no matter what, this blog would be my "diary" of the good AND the bad, and I did just as Erica said and went into hiding. I'm very good at that when things are going badly.

This is my first toe dip into the pool of my life again, and I will do whatever I can to continue exploring the good and the bad on my weight journey (I typed "loss" then erased it, considering that I've gained).

I hope you will all link arms with me and we can get through this together, good and bad. Thank you for hanging around.

Well, I missed the mark

2010-08-09T18:53:00.000-04:00

Three months ago, I was 215 pounds and planning our trip to Jamaica. At that time, I was excited because, if I had played my cards right, I thought I could be below 200 by the time we left.

That leave date is two days away. I not only didn't get below 200, I am up to 232. In the interim, I had an emergency partial unfill (2 whole cc which, had my fill doc been there, would NOT have happened) and am still not back up to where I was before the unfill.

I'm pretty damn discouraged.

I AM, however, heading to Jamaica for 9 days. :)

A birthday and -- what?

2010-07-25T23:33:00.000-04:00

I had a birthday on Thursday. It was uneventful and pretty much came and went with a sigh in more ways than one.

One of the reasons is that I probably weigh this year the same as I did at my birthday last year. Granted, I'm not disappointed that I'm less than I was at my height, but... do I REALLY want to be over 200 pounds and view that as a GOOD thing?? I don't think so. :(

I've been in a funk. For the longest time it was the fact that I was doing everything right and not being "rewarded" for it with scale movement. I know, I know, my clothes probably fit better, but we ALL want to see that number move down. I SAY I don't care if I'm 300 pounds, so long as I can fit into a size 6 or 8, but we all know that's crap. I want to be a normal weight too.

So I finally started to move down some and then had problems with reflux and getting badly stuck one day, which led my surgeon (not my regular fill person) to unfill me by almost half. I'm STILL not back up to where I was, though I do have a fill scheduled for tomorrow at 1:00. Thirteen and-a-half hours. And counting. Tick..................................................... Tock................................................... Tick................................................................................................................. Tock....................................................................................................................................

Hubby and I leave for Jamaica in just over two weeks, and back when I scheduled this vacation I was SURE I would get under 200 pounds as I only had 15 to go. Then the unfill, and I gained 17. This last month has not been good in many ways, and I have not felt much restriction. And I've eaten as if I have no restriction. I don't even have the nerve to get on the scale.

And exercise?? Pffffft, whassat? WTH is wrong with me? I SAY it's because I'm busy, but I'm not SO busy that I can't work out. I'm just... I guess I'm just in a funk. I never expected this to be a snap, but some seem to drop it SO easily while people like me may as well be on a regular diet for all the benefit I'm getting from this. It really pisses me off. :(

God grant me strength

2010-07-15T16:44:00.000-04:00

...to survive my foodie friends.

Foodie friends are moving closer to us. Much closer. Right now they are about 14 miles away. At the end of the month they'll be 2.5 miles. I know this because foodie friend wife did a mapquest search. o_O As it is, foodie friends don't seem to get the concept of responsibilities, moderation, or boundaries. I have had to say "no" more times than I can count for different things.

Today I posted on Facebook that I got a B+ (88) on my first test in my C session summer class. Her response?

"Great job!!! That sounds like a celebration at Cold Stone."

For those who aren't familiar with Cold Stone, it's an ice cream shop. A very, VERY yummy ice cream shop.

I simply answered, "LOL, nope!"

Her answer was that she didn't mean today.

I finally just said that I canNOT keep "rewarding" myself with food and goodies, so it's going to be a no. Maybe I should ask her to send me money instead. ;)

I'm not going to survive this move. I like them well enough, but there are things about them that drive me nucking futs.

Not working as I had hoped

2010-07-11T10:55:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm glad I got my fill so I can no longer eat a Yugo in one bite. However, I'm still wide open enough to be able to eat a Vespa without really chewing.

I have another fill scheduled for the 26th, thank God! Here's hoping that one works but doesn't work TOO well so that I'm having issues, since we're heading to Jamaica on August 11. That should be enough of a buffer to know if it is going to be okay or not.

But still -- I'm hungrier than I had hoped. Couple that with the fact that I'm not exercising, and it's just a mess. What's wrong with me?? :(

Fill 'er up

2010-06-30T00:24:00.001-04:00

Omg, I finally got my fill today! Holy cow, I was afraid I'd be back where I started if it didn't happen soon.

My fill doc was happy that I had "only" gained six pounds. "Not so fast," I said. I had been at a low of 215 during a time I hadn't been in the office. That 215 came up as 232.4 in the office, so we're talking more like 17 pounds. o_O

So... now begins the other downward spiral -- the spiral back to 215 and beyond.

14

2010-06-24T15:04:00.001-04:00

Ah, a number. Is that the size clothes I am now in? The amount of weight I've lost? The number of weight I must lose to get to a particular landmark? The number of weeks I've been exercising?

No, that is the number of pounds I have GAINED since my emergency un-fill. Color me unhappy. :(

My fill is on Tuesday, and it can't come soon enough. I'm so wide open I could swallow a Yugo whole. o_O

I have to wait HOW LONG??

2010-06-07T20:35:00.000-04:00

I called for my fill today and my doc isn't available until June 29th!! OMFG, I will eat house and home by then!! I know that after the backpacking excursion, my friend warned me that my body will go into a sort of shock mode and tell me I'm hungrier than I should be (and that may partly be it), but I'm having a hard time with feeling this hungry. :(

I need a fill...

2010-06-06T21:33:00.001-04:00

Ugh, after that emergency unfill, I've been able to eat burgers (bun and all) and all manner of things I shouldn't be able to. Being self-pay, I HATE having to go back and forth on this. However, I am also gaining a few pounds and feeling pretty upset and stressed about it. I need to figure out when's the best time to do this and get back on the pony.

I went on my first backpacking trek!

2010-06-05T21:55:00.005-04:00

My neighbor, Keith, invited me to go backpacking/camping with him. His life partner doesn't like to go anywhere that doesn't have a spa and cabana boys, and my husband is out of it for days after just mowing our postage-stamp sized lawn, so he and I went together. It's something that I've never done before, and it was a true challenge.

We left out on Thursday morning and got back this afternoon. We hiked close to 8 miles, but it was very rocky terrain with a lot of up-and-down through some of the West Virginia-Virginia mountains (the ridge we were on was along a state line). The first day we walked about four hours and started at about 1,500 feet above sea level and ended at about 3,000 feet -- and that was lugging a 35-pound backpack to boot! Though these pics are a bit foggy looking, this is at a site called White Rocks Lookout, which is on the ridge of the Little Sluice Mountains and looks over the Little Schloss Mountains in the foreground and the Blue Ridge Mountains further east. The green you see below are treetops waaaaay below us!

I did really well the first day, pretty damn good the second, and today was a bit hard as my feet were feeling a bit beaten up. By the second day I had gotten a pretty good blister on my left big toe on the inside, created from rubbing on my second toe. That got bandaged up this morning, but it was the impact pain on the bottoms of my feet that had me walking rather slowly. Other than that, my body held out very well -- not even any back pain, which I really expected since I have a bad back.

I slept in a hammock-tent and drank real spring water.

I built a fire and took an outdoor shower. We got drenched the first day and nearly experienced severe weather the second night. I came face-to-face with a couple beavers and a possum and saw more butterflies in one day than I've seen in 20 years. We didn't see a soul for the entire three days, and the only manmade sound we heard was the occasional plane flying over. Most of all, I DID IT!! I only wish I had gotten pictures of me lugging all that stuff around! :)

Thoroughly disgusted

2010-06-01T23:45:00.003-04:00

Foodie friends. 'Memba them? Well, we went away with them to Colonial Williamsburg for the long weekend -- actually rode our motorcycles out (my first long trip as we put on about 450 miles). The husband is the one with diabetes who burned the bottoms of his feet when we went to Hawaii together back in October '08. The month BEFORE my surgery. He's STILL battling that stupid move.

Anyway, even though he's been monitoring his blood sugar and, recently, had to go on insulin, he's gained more weight. And if you were around him, you'd see why. My God, after this weekend I have officially nicknamed him: HOOVER. That man can suck down everything on his plate before you've taken three bites of your own. Worse yet is his wife is teeny tiny -- 90 pounds soaking wet. So in about five bites, she's usually done. Which then means he also eats HER food.

I really enjoy them (most of the time -- he can be a pip to his wife, which gets old), but watching him eat just makes me sick now. He eats with his mouth open, eats like you're going to steal it off his plate, food hanging in his beard... it's totally disgusting. I guess the one GOOD thing to come of it is I lose my appetite. I worry for his health more than he apparently does. He eats crap, even though he's kinda "watching" what he eats -- probably goes a bit over his limit for starches and sugars but not totally blowing it. However, if I had diabetes and nearly lost my foot, I think I'd be making some MAJOR modifications in my life. At least I'd like to think I would. o_O

Even though I overate, I'd hate to think I was ever as bad as he is. Like one night we got an onion loaf appetizer (pretty much thin-sliced onions done like a bloomin' onion from Outback but done in a "loaf") and he literally ripped into it to the point where I just sat back in abject horror and disgust. I just don't enjoy eating with them, which I guess is good, since the wife seems to think WE are THEIR foodie friends. Ugh.

The good-bad news is this: I can now eat bread. However, I still find myself not finishing what I eat and getting full, which I never got before when I was more filled -- I never felt hunger OR fullness. So... I don't know if that's good or bad.

Anyway, it was a great trip, except for the night we got trashed and foodie friend hubby puked all night. Thursday I go camping with my gay neighbor-husband. THAT should be a test of how fit I am! o_O

Apparently hiking trails have weight limits

2010-05-27T01:48:00.001-04:00

This story is in two parts. First, I've acquired a new gay husband. Yes, yes, the old non-gay husband still lives here; but now I have one that probably wants to have sex with my husband too. o_O

We have these neighbors -- great guys -- that live on the same drive we do. Lately the guy one (don't judge -- you all know there's usually one in every gay couple that's more masculine [or feminine] than the other, lol) has been coming over and asking if I want to go walk dogs with him. We walk. We talk. He usually complains about his mate (that's a whole novel unto itself). I'm kind of a loner, and he's somewhat lonely, so it's been a nice match (well, except that he and I don't see eye-to-eye politically and somehow have gotten into a few of "those" conversations. But I digress...). I think I'm a safe outlet for him to complain about his guy, and because I KNOW his guy, I totally understand.

Anyway, the second part of the story is we're going hiking and camping for a couple days next week. Yes, I'm going camping with a guy not my husband with a guy who is also likely not to touch me. But I digress. Again. :) I'm really looking forward to it. We live in a great area for it, and it's something new for me. He took me shopping tonight and I got new hiking boots, socks, undies (yes, yes, a gay man helped me pick out undies that wick away sweat and inhibit bacteria growth. And something tells me the shudder he exhibited had to do with the thought of a vagina and not the bacteria. o_O ), and some other small items. Which brings me to... the pants.

We thought it would be best to have those wick-away style cargo pants where the legs zip off and leave you with shorts. Sounds GREAT! Sounds smart! Sounds sensible! But at 220 pounds and still a pretty solid size 18, it's virtually impossible, especially since these typically run a bit small. We went to two outdoors stores that sell this stuff, and at both stores the women's sizes end at size 16. Okay, in all fairness, the second store had about 386 pairs of sizes 2 through 16 -- and two size 24W. o_O WTF?

What's worse is that in the FIRST store I thought, okay, the men's pants don't look any different. I already have no pride left, so I'll try them. Now, how do you figure out what your size is in a men's? So I just figured I'd try the two largest sizes -- 38 and 40. The 38's fit like the 16's did -- which means they didn't. So I tried the 40's. They fit... I mean, the waist was good, the length was good, but because men are shaped like 2x4s, there was no give in the butt. I could move in them, but they just had no give. Seriously?? I can't even fit in a man's size?

Luckily the second store had a men's XXL-30L -- and I mean A men's XXL as in The. Only. One. -- which was nice and loose enough for what we'll be doing. Fashionable? Nope. Anywhere even remotely close to a color on my color wheel? Nuh-uh. Women's? Not a chance. But they cover my ass.

Talk about a kick in the gut. Lose 75 pounds and I'm too fat to hike. Seems to me there's a market there that needs tapping. ;)

Emergency unfill :(

2010-05-25T23:52:00.001-04:00

Wow, Friday night into Saturday really sucked.

We went to a party with another couple, and everything went okay. Over a number of hours I had a few glasses of wine, and later in the evening I had half a hamburger patty (dinner was pretty early for us). I chewed well, and nothing was apparently wrong.

Later in the evening, I felt this horrible pain in my "breadbasket" area, one that reminded me a lot of the pain I had when my gall bladder finally failed me (though not as bad) -- kind of a dull, hot pain that radiated to my back. I tried to sleep but didn't do very well with that. In the morning I wasn't doing much better.

I tried to sip on a protein shake and got maybe 1/4 through it before I felt that queasy, I'm-going-to-vomit feeling. And yep, it came up. And up. And up. And saliva. And protein shake. So I did a pretty stupid thing (thinking back now) and broke up a motrin tablet thinking I was experiencing swelling, especially since I had been having some light reflux over the past few weeks due to my end-of-semester stress. Well, I found out pretty damn quick that that was a BAD idea. I spent the next 30 minutes over the kitchen sink, tossing up waaaay more than I took in. All I could figure it was at that point was all the saliva I had swallowed since the night before. I would get a muscle "spasm" and up stuff would come. And the PAIN. Omg, I could hardly stand.

It got so bad I called my doctor's emergency number and said I was getting really worried. I didn't know what a slipped band felt like, but I knew all the vomiting/PBing wasn't any good. However, the more I did that, the more the pain in my chest lessened -- so that was the only good thing.

He told me to come in and, many pokes later (this wasn't my normal fill doc), he said he had taken out 2cc. That's nearly HALF of what I had in my band! Ugh...

He thinks I had a small blockage that didn't really feel like a standard blockage which caused irritation and then swelling. I appear to have a sensitive stomach that reacts badly to even slight irritations, which isn't making me love my band much these days. :(

So now I have to figure out how long to go like this before I try to get refilled again.

8 Workout Tips for Women

2010-05-19T17:11:00.000-04:00

From Everyday Health:

Fitness: An Essential Part of Women's Health

When it comes to workouts for men and women, all exercise routines should not be created equal. So what's the best way for a woman to get fit? Work in some cardio, add a little weight, and stretch — here's how to get started.

A good fitness program involves cardiovascular (cardio) exercise, muscle toning, and stretching for flexibility — it can help keep you vital and ward off dangerous threats to women's health, like heart disease, cancer, obesity, and diabetes. And while men and women can benefit from similar workouts, women can and should tailor their own fitness routine — one that’s just right for your body’s needs and wants.

"Women absolutely need a well-rounded fitness regimen," says Kristy Altman, ACE certified group exercise instructor and managing director for the Knoxville Track Club in Tennessee. "Women need to lift weights to build strength, and they also need stretching to maintain their flexibility." The third part of a well-rounded women’s workout routine? Cardiovascular exercise. Cardio gets your heart pumping, while weight-training exercises target your arms, abs, thighs, butt, and calves.

Many women shy away from heavy weight-lifting exercise, but strength training is still an important part of an overall women’s fitness routine. When lifting weights, start out using lighter weights and more repetitions for better muscle toning, says Altman. You can use weight machines or free weights at the gym or work your muscles with resistance bands — whatever is more comfortable for you.

Even if you start toning your muscles with very light weights — such as a 3-pound weight in each hand for curls — you can gradually add more weight as you develop strength and become more able to do the exercises with correct form. When you can complete three sets of 8 to 12 repetitions each, for instance, challenge your muscles by increasing the weight, says Altman.

Cardiovascular exercise is the cornerstone of women’s workouts. Cardio activities help you burn calories and maintain a healthy body weight — both very important parts of women's health. "First, we all need cardio. Women tend to carry weight in their stomachs and hips and, because there is no such thing as spot training, cardiovascular exercise will help to keep that area lean," says Altman. Running, biking, swimming, tennis, hiking, and walking — these are all good cardio choices.

You can accomplish more from your workout by targeting multiple areas of the body at one time. "Any exercises that multi-task are awesome for women — anything that’s working more than one muscle group at a time," says Altman. "We can work out core-abs in almost any weight-lifting exercise if we focus on engaging those abdominal-core muscles." Focus on your abs during your workouts, and you'll have a taut tummy and strong core before you know it.

Altman suggests adding balance bicep curls to your workouts. Stand on one leg and do six to eight bicep curls. Then stand on the other leg, repeating your curls. These curls provide muscle toning in your arms while also strengthening your abdominals. Overhead tricep extensions are a good addition to arm workouts: Hold a medicine ball or a weight above your head, with arms straight up; then lower it toward your back moving only your forearms. Now press up by straightening the forearms overhead to work your triceps — work your calves at the same time by standing on your toes as you do the movement.

We all know that exercise isn't only about good health — women want to look great, too. So don't forget to tone your lower body. Lunges are a great addition to women's fitness workouts, as they target the thighs and buttocks, areas where many women need to focus on muscle toning. Try doing your lunges while holding a medicine ball to make the movement a little tougher, and do wall squats to tone and strengthen.

Great workouts for women don’t have to be all about the burn. Yoga can help you relax and de-stress before or after a long day — and it also works your flexibility to keep you limber as you age. Altman suggests yoga poses like the downward-facing dog, the forearm plank pose, side lying twist, and seated forward fold. These poses involve stretching and muscle toning, making them great choices to add to your fitness mix.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/womens-health-pictures/just-for-women-workout.aspx

'Scuze me, Doctor, what's this thing on my butt and why is it shaped like a couch??

2010-05-19T16:39:00.000-04:00

Omg, can you say NO exercise since I visited with my sister back in March (I think)?? I try to blame it on school, like I do the nibbling when I go through THAT too, but at this rate I could be blaming schooling for another year. Obviously at the end of any semester I am cranking out papers by the forest-load and studying for finals, but I can't find an HOUR for myself? REALLY? Or is it that I don't really WANT to? Unfortunately -- and if I'm really honest with myself -- I believe it's the latter.

Okay, so I FINALLY get my basement all put together last week (like TOTALLY finished -- even put up all the baseboards and arranged all the stuff down there), and I'm sitting upstairs getting butt rot on the couch. WHY?? And to boot, I've been eating at times as if the band is just a rubber band -- i.e. stretchy. I'm getting really pissed, and I'm getting pissed at me. My goal of having done a 5K this spring is gone since I wasn't able to really do the Couch-2-5K through the winter. Why? Because I quit going to the gym (in fairness, though, I was working out in the basement... THEN).

Oh, and I think I'm addicted to ice cream. No doubt I need an intervention. Yes, I said it. My name is Beth and I'm addicted to Ben. And Jerry. And Haagen Dazs. My threesome is turning into an all-out orgy. o_O

What the hell is going on?? I could kind of blame it on end-of-semester stress, but if I keep turning to food when I'm stressed, what have I learned??

The one GOOD thing happening now is that I have a vacation planned and booked for mid-August in Jamaica. Because of this, I have set a goal -- to be below 200 by the time we leave (the last time I weighed, I was 215, but that may be just a pipe dream about now). It's TOTALLY do-able, so long as I follow through.

Now if I could only get rid of this couch-shaped boil on my butt...

Another semester DOWN

2010-05-11T18:34:00.000-04:00

Omg, I can't even begin to tell y'all how hectic and busy this last semester was, but the grades are rolling in and (so far) I have two As and a B. I'm waiting on the other two grades to post (I expect an A in one, and I was borderline between an A and a B in the other, the one I took the final in today).

I hate the end of the semester, primarily because I notice it makes my band act all crappy. I was thisclose to wanting to rip it right out, I was getting so tired of its shenanigans. I get tense, which makes my band tight and causes me to get reflux at night while I'm sleeping. The good news is that I never got filled back up to 5.2 like I was at my tightest (a number that really REALLY worked for me), so I was able to weather through the reflux with a bit of motrin and careful eating.

I only have a week off before starting summer classes, so I'll have to use my time wisely. I have a bunch of stuff to post here, so I'll try at night to pull the most pertinent stuff and share them. I also need to try to catch up with all of your blogs as well and see how everybody is doing.

WHEW!!

Me gone long time

2010-05-02T13:16:00.000-04:00

Omg, how long has it been? I haven't even checked. It's been a whirlwind around here with my last week or two of this semester coming to a close. I love how every professor wants huge papers and research done at the close of the semester, don't you? o_O

To boot, I've been on two team projects -- one went pretty well, the other was a complete disaster. I was so stressed I PBed a bunch, my band got tight, and I am now periodically suffering from EOSNAR or End of Semester Nighttime Acid Reflux. That's always nice, don't you think?

Besides that, I can't tell you the last time I exercised. I've gone for a couple dog-walking excursions, but beyond that, my basement doesn't recognize me anymore. And what's worse is I only have a week off before I start summer classes. Just kill me now.

I haven't forgotten about all of you. A couple were even kind enough to check to see if I was alive. :) Yes, I'm here -- trying to remember my name on some days, forgetting why I got up and went into that room on others. But it should all be worth it in the end, righ? RIGHT??

My eating has been hit or miss. Some days I do well, others I'm downing a pint of Ben and Jerry's. I have some time today, so I should get my butt off this permanently implanted couch and go do some of my Zumba program that I just got in the mail last week to shake things up a bit -- literally and figuratively.

The GOOD news is, we're going on vacation after summer sessions are over. I will definitely need some R&R by then. I think we're heading to Antigua to some romantic little getaway. I can hardly wait!!

I will touch base soon as I'm almost done. I found some great articles worth sharing, and maybe I will be back on track by then. I miss everybody!

Sunshine Award

2010-03-30T12:05:00.000-04:00

DawnB http://db1119.blogspot.com/ nominated me for this a couple weeks ago and unfortunately I found out as I was leaving to go away for the weekend... then I got sick... then I ate for two weeks straight and didn't come back to my blog and forgot. :( I'm ashamed to admit that, but it's true.

I finally started perusing the blogs I follow again and remembered this very kind award by Dawn. So now I will return the favor!

SUNSHINE AWARD RULES

The Sunshine Award is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blogging world.

Once you receive one, then you:

1. Post the logo on your blog.

2. Pass the award on to 12 fellow bloggers.

3. Link the nominees

4. Let nominees know they have won this award by commenting on their blog.

5. Share the love and link to the person you received this award from.

I would like to nominate the following bloggers in no particular order & pass on the happiness :)

1 - Mindy http://skinnyintexas.blogspot.com/

2 - Cara http://carasquest.blogspot.com/

3 - Meredith (she has since moved on from blogging, but she is an inspiration nonetheless)

4 - Lonicera http://lonicera53.blogspot.com/

5 - Julie http://juliesksjourney.blogspot.com/

6 - Catherine http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/

7 - Ronda http://thelongroadtothenewme.blogspot.com/

8 - Tracey http://downsizemystomach.blogspot.com/

9 - Sally http://sallyslapbandjourney.blogspot.com/

10 - Lulu http://lmbsjourney.blogspot.com/

11 - SkinnieMinnie http://skinnieminniebrisbane.blogspot.com/

12 - Docsley http://healthierdocsly.blogspot.com/

Thanks for all your inspiration, your laughter, your tears, your concern and comments -- everything about you. I also appreciate all my followers as well. Good luck to ALL of us on this journey.

I'm sorry, is my band causing you issues?

2010-03-29T22:35:00.000-04:00

Omg, foodie friends are driving me nuts. Not only is it bad enough that they want me to commit to having fun with them this summer (uh, I have CLASSES, remember??), but the other day they wanted me to go with them to a motorcycle dealership for an open house they were having. The draw? Free food -- pancakes, sausage, donuts, etc. Um, REMEMBER MY BAND?? I said thanks but no thanks. Foodie Friend Husband says, "But, but, it's FREE FOOD!" I said I can't eat that crap even if I wanted to! He still didn't seem happy that I wasn't jumping on the free crappy food bandwagon, but whatever. These people drive me nuts sometimes.

This is just wrong on SO many levels

2010-03-29T22:27:00.001-04:00

I haven't been around for over two weeks now -- partly because I was sick, but partly because I was just downright ashamed. Pitifully ashamed.

We've had major stressors here that have had me eating like there's no tomorrow. I'm a horrible stress eater, and this last couple weeks has really taken me to the limit. The week of the 10th through the 16th or so, I was fighting a big cold which means I don't eat right anyway. From that point forward, though, anything that wasn't nailed down was in big trouble.

How bad could it be, you ask? Well, pretty damn bad. Not only has it been bad, I certainly haven't been LOGGING my evil deeds, which almost makes them seem as if they didn't happen, right? But I decided last night that as of this morning, I was clawing myself back up onto that wagon and getting back with the program. So this morning I decided to be brave and realized I MUST get on the scale to see how bad this last 2 weeks have been. I mean, I KNOW how bad it's been as far as the food, but I needed to be hit between the eyes with the aftermath that the scale would show me.

I step on, and... I went from my low-low of 218.2 to 219.8. That's all I gained, 1.6 pounds!!! I literally stepped on the scale three freaking times and was just gobsmacked.

Now mind you, in the last two weeks, I kid you not, I have eaten FIVE boxes of Hot Tamales (the candy, not the Mexican food), three boxes of Good 'N Plenty, 5/6 of a half-gallon of ice cream (in two days, no less), an entire box of 5 100-calorie bags of Sun chips, an entire box of 5 100-calorie bags of baked Cheetos, an entire box of 5 100-calorie bags of Chex Mix, an entire box of Chewy Protein Bars (I think there's 6 of those), an entire box of Speciak K Fruit Crisps (I think there's five of those), an entire box of reduced calorie rice krispie treats (probably 5 in a box), six peanut butter cups, nearly an entire box of multi-grain Cheerios, six high-calorie drinks this weekend (three Friday and three Saturday --Baileys with vodka and fat-free half-and-half) and a partridge in a pear tree. I am NOT kidding. And that doesn't even include MEALS I ate!! Oh oh OH, and to boot, I'm on my cycle, which usually guarantees me a couple pound weight gain. Couple ALLLLL that damn food with the fact that I haven't worked out in two weeks, and something is terribly... OFF. o_O

Whew, I can't believe I admitted all that. And I KNOW I missed something.

Feelin' the love again

2010-03-11T23:22:00.000-05:00

I think I heart Denise and Jillian again. Memba those size 16 pants I got into a few weeks ago? Well, I meant to post that I put them on last weekend and they fit BETTER than when I first put them on! Like, NOTICEABLY. When I initially put them on, they weren't so tight as to make it hard to breathe or sit down, but I felt subconscious about the tightness across my bum. However, I went to a funeral last week and wore those same pants again and they were definitely looser! Utterly amazing.

RUN, FORREST, RUUUUN!

2010-03-11T23:15:00.000-05:00

That's how I felt the other day when I went to take the dogs for a walk. It was a beautiful day -- and after the winter we've had, it was VERY welcome -- and I decided to head out to the trails and the park to walk the dogs. It was odd, but once I hit the trail, I actually had an URGE to run! Now, I was always one that said if Godzilla himself was chasing after me, I couldn't run to the mailbox at the end of my driveway. However, this overwhelming urge came over me and I ran. I didn't time it, but I would guess I went non-stop for about 3 to 3 1/2 minutes -- and I really think if I had pushed it, I could have gone longer. I then did week two of the couch-to-5k (I haven't been doing it consistently), which was very difficult for me to complete when I did it last.

It's amazing what our bodies not only CAN do but WANT to do when they're feeling healthy. I've been fighting a cold the last couple of days or I would have gone out and done it again. Maybe this weekend. :)

I no heart Jillian now, too

2010-03-05T17:10:00.002-05:00

Holy hell, I've done her Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism two days in a row (Wednesday and yesterday) and I can hardly MOVE now. She's BRUTAL!! Imagine 55 minutes of constant movement with hops, jumps, twists, BURPEES, and other horribly ugly things, all set to psycho music. And with Jillian telling you not to "call it in." I cursed her. I cursed her a lot. And when I can hardly get out of my car or out of bed, I curse her even more. o_O

New lowest number!

2010-03-05T12:04:00.000-05:00

This was actually yesterday, but I wasn't able to post, but... 219! I have now lost 71 pounds, officially the most I've ever lost! Previous to this, I had lost 70 pounds on a diet I did some years ago. So the way I look at it, anything from here on out is a new record for me. :)

A friend of mine who lives in the neighborhood and I got to meet a fellow bandster (and prior LBTer) who we've been talking to for about a year. She and her hubby were nearby for a conference he was attending, so she came with him and we all met up for dinner and DANCING last night. I can't tell you the last time I've danced, but it was so much fun! We even all got hit on by a young man-whore, and that just made my day. LOL How sad is it that you get excited by getting hit on by a guy who I think made the rounds to every woman there? But still, he was harmless, and it made US all feel good.

Over seven feet -- GONE

2010-03-04T00:46:00.000-05:00

I'm going to try to take measurements around the first of each month this year. It's one of the promises I made myself (along with working out and logging meals, which I have been doing religiously). I finally pushed over the seven+ foot loss at 86.5 inches!!

And though I was pretty disappointed in late January's measurements, I'm VERY happy with this month's!

KEE-RASHHHH!!

2010-03-02T21:55:00.000-05:00

That's the sound of my plateau breaking this morning! Omg, I haven't been able to get below 221.5 to save my life -- and hit THAT four freakin' months ago -- but this morning I did it! I hit 220.5!!! Did you hear me screaming this morning?? Now I'm ready to see this scale start moving again. DOWN.

The one thing I started doing differently -- and which I always touted as a huge weightloss tool -- is logging my meals. I have this GoWear Fit and have only been paying attention to the calories I expend and not paying any attention to logging my meals. BIG mistake. Ever since I started doing that eight days ago I've lost 2 1/2 pounds! It's really jump started my exercise routine too. I've been working out every day since last Monday (except for yesterday). I've decided that because Mondays are my heavy school day, that will be my day off -- but until further notice, I need to get in an hour every day six days a week. I NEED to make the time for it. And now I'm seeing the benefit from it!

I no heart Denise Austin

2010-02-28T21:33:00.000-05:00

Omg, how can ANYBODY be so perky? And trim? And... perky? And annoying? Did I mention perky? Nobody should be able to do those exercises and breathe normally, much less be able to talk. Continuously. All through the workout. Ugh.

I've also realized my "downward dog" more resembles a "wounded beast."

I DID, however, survive an hour of Denise, followed by a half hour of the Kettlebell Goddess. :)

LARGE!!

2010-02-27T22:52:00.001-05:00

I worked the Vagina Monologues at school for a class project last night (pretty funny show), and in so doing, I was given a tee-shirt if I wanted one. Sure, free tee-shirts are great. However, I remembered looking in the box and kind of stressing since there were only three sizes: small, medium, and large. No extra-large. Okay, I thought, I'll take the large and fit into it soon enough.

Well, I decided to try it on right there -- just put it on over the shirt I was wearing. And... IT FIT! I don't mean that I was able to pull it down over my girth and stretch it out, I mean it FIT OMG!! Yesterday was a good day. :)

221.5!!

2010-02-26T15:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know 1/2 pound isn't a big deal in the grand scope of things, but this is my lowest-low weight since being banded -- and I haven't been here in four months and nine days. :( I kept bobbling two to three pounds above that number, usually 223 to 225 or 226, but when I started my two-week liquid kick-start three weeks ago, I was at a disappointing 231.

So... I feel like I'm FINALLY back on the edge of the precipice and am ready to go down, down, down, baby!!!

Watch out for those little calorie bombs you think are healthy!

2010-02-26T15:50:00.001-05:00

As of Monday, I did what I SAID I was going to start with the new year and began logging my meals on my GoWear Fit site. It's really helped readjust my thoughts on what I'm doing, and I KNOW it will help keep me focused and from going over.

Last night was an eye opener, though. I have these little sesame bars I bought from Wegmans that are WONDERFUL, healthy (I thought) snacks. I mean, nuts and grains are healthy in moderation, right? Well, I went to a nutrition site to get an idea how healthy these bars are based on limited information, I understand, but it was a bit disheartening.

These bars are about one ounce a piece. As far as I know, they consist of sesame seeds and honey and are hardened to a solid bar. So I plugged in one ounce of sesame seeds and about a teaspoon of honey (best guesstimate) and those little suckers came out to nearly 180 calories each! A few weeks back, before I started the liquid diet, I was eating sometimes three or four in a day thinking they were good for me! WOW! Now I know one of the reasons I wasn't budging with my weight!

The other little surprise was the flax seed I've been adding to my Dannon fat-free yogurt, another treat I do once a day for the calcium/dairy and because it's a good sweet. My sister mentioned adding flax seed for the added fiber because it really doesn't add a taste. I looked those puppies up, though, and two tablespoons (the amount I add) is about 80 calories. Not that 80 calories is a gut buster, but it seems high for such a small amount of stuff. :( And whe you add it to the cup of yogurt (which is 110), plus the few walnuts I toss in for texture (another 30 or 40 calories), you're talking about a 225ish calorie snack! o_O

Well... I guess so long as I plan for it and leave room in my day OR decide to do 1/2 cup instead, I'll be fine.

222!

2010-02-23T23:16:00.000-05:00

Got up this morning, and I'm 1/2 pound away from my all-time low of 221.5 -- I was 222! This has me psyched, since I have been more like 224 - 225 for the longest time, but I had gotten back up to 231 by the time I started the two-week liquid jump start.

I spent an hour and a half this evening doing a workout of 30 minutes of kettlebell training, followed by an hour of Pilates (something new for me). I was pretty happy with this DVD because it gives a beginner, intermediate, and experienced version of all the exercises. Depending on what you pick, that's the type of exercise you see instead of having all three there and you have to watch one particular person. My GoWear Fit, however, showed only seven MINUTES of exercise. I assure that stupid thing that I as working my butt off. :)

Down eight sizes

2010-02-22T21:11:00.000-05:00

This has me pumped, going to a comfortable 16 (down from a 24). I guess even though the scale AND the tape measure haven't been moving any, stuff is shifting around. Even friends I only see periodically say they think they see the loss in my stomach or hips. I'm glad they can see it because I have not been able to. However, I can't remember the last time I was a size 16!

I just spent over an hour in the basement doing a new kettlebell routine that about killed me. What a great way to get cardio AND strength training in one! I recommend it for anybody who thinks they are ready to try something new.

I have been somewhat lax in starting my new year off right. I either go balls to the wall or nothing. It's time I get a decent routine down and STICK WITH IT. I'm not going to see any results if I don't do what needs to be done.

I also had a partial unfill today. I am getting really tired of going back and forth to the doctor's every month. He fills me up, then less than a week later I need to go back and have some taken out. I MAY have been brought from my 5cc to 4.8. He said I was still more than the 4.6 I was at when I got my last fill, but less than the 5 he had me at. I did just FINE Saturday afternoon (my first day of solids after my fill), but dinner didn't do so well. I think it was a combination of having had a couple drinks and then trying to eat -- AND eating a bit of bread at the table when we got to the restaurant. Nothing like pb'ing most of the evening in a very posh restaurant. I highly recommend it. o_O I have to say that the last week or so, I no heart my band and have been going through a case of "what did I dos?"

The good, the bad, and the ugly

2010-02-21T11:33:00.000-05:00

Last night we went to dinner with the foodie friends to a very posh restaurant (well, for us anyway). We had tried this restaurant last month when we were enticed by a "restaurant week" where we were allowed to choose from a reduced menu for $35 per person. This restaurant typically costs quite a bit more (everything is a la carte with a steak alone costing about $50), so the previous dinner was quite a bit cheaper. The problem was, when the waiter was told by us that we were doing the "restaurant week," he copped a bit of an attitude. This set pretty badly with me and I complained to the manager, who at the time, offered no relief. I later came home and contacted the home office and a few days later got a call from the manager who then offered us and the other couple each a $150 gift certificate to come back -- which we did last night. The friends also rented a limo for us to go in style (the wife's CEO uses a service, and they were able to get a reduced rate). Overall, we felt like rock stars.

Well, on to the good: I haven't worn any of my work clothes in some time, but then again I haven't lost much since I quit working last March. I decided to wear a pair of nice slacks instead of a skirt and went to the closet to pull out my black ones, size 18. When I slipped them on, I couldn't believe it -- TOO BIG! HOLY SMOKES! I almost decided to wear them, but then I decided to go into the box I had stored away with all the smaller sized clothes I had bought off eBay right before I lost my job and see how a pair of 16s would fit. Well, they were a tad bit snug through the rear, but they FIT! I was in size 16s, something I can't recall the last time I was able to wear!

The other part of the good was that yesterday was the first day of solids after having been on a liquid diet for two weeks (at my doctor's suggestion) to try to kick my metabolism back into gear. Other than Valentine's Day dinner (where I was DYING for a steak), I haven't had anything but soups and liquids for forever. I decided to run the fast into my fill time, which was Tuesday.

Okay, now for the bad and the ugly -- I pb'ed my nice Morton's dinner (or what little I had of it) and spent half the evening in the bathroom. :( It was painful, to say the least -- not just the physical pain, but the fact that such a nice dinner was being wasted. We ordered appetizers for four (at "only" $88, if you can believe it) which was PHENOMENAL (but not worth $22 a person, I'll add), and that was about all I got in me but a few pieces of my steak. I think the problem may have started, however, with the bread they brought. Ah, yes, bread. But not just any bread -- freshly baked onion loaf. That was my biggest mistake. I think this fill put me over the bread threshhold, and I got shown what for. I never felt right after the bread (topped with a mojito and a couple sips of wine -- BIG mistake).

I came home and took a TON of papaya enzyme, popped some Protonix for later, and hoped for the best. I have to say, the papaya seems to really help. I used it one other day when I was feeling a bit tight, and it seemed to relieve the pressure in pretty quickly. So note to those of you who may not know: Papaya enzyme helps break down proteins, which is especially helpful if that's what's stuck in your band.

Oh, and on a side note -- foodie friend wife called us their best foodie friends. Yay. o_O

More on plateaus

2010-02-12T11:40:00.000-05:00

Odd that I got this in my e-mail from Livestrong.com since I've been on the plateau from hell. Eventually everybody is going to hit one, so I thought I'd share.

Overview

Weight loss is typically a long process. Most people lose the greatest amount of weight at the beginning of their regimen, due to the many changes their bodies go through. However, weight loss plateaus are also common. This occurs when you do not gain weight back but you are not losing any more weight, either. You can overcome weight loss plateaus in various ways so you can get back on track to your ultimate goals.

Cause

While you lose weight, you likely are cutting back on your calories. Although calorie-cutting helps you lose more pounds, it also can decrease your metabolism, Weightlossforall.com explains. Also, when you lose too much weight too soon, your body can respond by eating muscle stores in order to make up for the loss in calories. Because muscles help rev up your metabolism, losing muscle can contribute to a slower metabolism. During such a scenario, your body no longer burns calories, so you reach a plateau in which you will not lose any weight.

Diet

Eat a mix of carbohydrates, protein and healthy fat every few hours in order to help speed up your metabolism (NOTE: My doctor only wants us eating three times a day, so I guess my advice here is to follow your doctor's orders). This also will help prevent you from going hungry too long and overindulging at your next meal. MyOptumHealth.com also recommends that you vary your healthy food choices in order to prevent boredom. This will help prevent meal-skipping, which can thwart your continued weight loss efforts.

Exercise

While adequate fuel is necessary to help increase your metabolism, you also will need to revisit your exercise routines. Once your body becomes too accustomed to a particular type of exercise, your muscles adapt and you will not lose as many calories. Intensify your workouts by pushing it to the next level or by trying something new. For instance, if you speed-walk, try adding some jogging intervals. Also, add some strength-training routines to help build up your muscles.

Considerations

According to AnneCollins.com, you may experience a weight loss plateau within the first month of your weight loss regimen and experience it occasionally until you reach your weight loss goal. The key is to quickly recognize that you have reached a plateau and respond accordingly. A weight loss plateau does not mean you have failed at your weight loss regimen.

Warning

Ideally, you should lose a maximum of 2 lbs. per week during your weight loss regimen. Although weight loss plateaus are common, your body can enter starvation mode if you lose too much weight in a short period of time. If you start to experience dizziness, headaches, hair loss, anemia, excessive fatigue and heart rate changes, call your doctor immediately.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/74728-weight-loss-plateau/?utm_source=jannewsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=100201

It's like being pregnant

2010-02-11T22:50:00.000-05:00

I'm on day six of liquids and I've seen my bathroom more than any other part of the room. Six pounds down, though, but dang...

And hubby's eating. All the time. AND mentioning food coupons he's come across. Since we've gotten epic snows, I've been stuck with him more than I might normally be inclined to be. I may have to run him through the woodchipper. Don't worry though, I won't leave a trace. o_O

The only thing I've done other than straight liquids is a half cup of yogurt with flax seeed each day and a small piece of cheese. I figure that since they're primarily protein (and dairy), they won't hurt anything.

The goddess kicked my ass

2010-02-11T22:36:00.002-05:00

I got some new DVDs for kettlebell training to use with my new toy. One is called the Kettlebell Goddess Workout, and I have only three words -- OH. MY. GOD(dess).

If anybody is into kettlebells (reminder: I bought a Weider Powerbell in which you can adjust the weight), this looks like it's going to be the whole package. It shows three different women doing the exercises, and what's nice is each one is holding the kettlebell(s) different than the others so you can choose which way you want to do them. There are numerous workouts you can choose from depending on whether you want to do cardio or work on specific body parts OR the entire body. I did the entire body one, and though it was only about 30 minutes, I am REALLY feeling it today. My butt, behind my shoulder blades, my legs -- feels good.

And the best news of all is that my arms aren't all beat up like the first time I used it.

Can you break a New Year's resolution when you haven't even begun it yet?

2010-02-06T22:15:00.000-05:00

One of the promises I made to myself starting off this year was to start logging meals -- not only to see where maybe extra calories are hiding out, but to see if at times I'm not getting enough, especially since I've had a plateau from hell.

Do you think I've done it? Guess. o_O

WTH? I think part of it is, unless it's a VERY basic food item, it can be hard to know how to log it. Ah, but I can't do that. I can't say how "hard" it is to do and then not do it when I KNOW it is something I will have to do to make sure I'm on track.

And I didn't do any exercise last week. I spent the entire weekend looking for new glasses, and it caught me behind on my homework. I was doing each day's homework the night before until the wee hours, and barely getting it done. I just can't start off this semester this way, barely hanging on by the skin of my teeth.

Just shoot me now.

Going back to my roots

2010-02-06T17:51:00.000-05:00

I finally made it to one of my doctors' monthly meetings this past Monday -- the first one since January of 2009. Unfortunately, my school schedule has been such that I always had Monday evening classes and could never make them.

My primary question the other night was HOW IN THE HELL DO I GET OUT OF THIS PLATEAU??? I've been stuck here for more than half of 2009, and I'm sick to DEATH of it. Even all the exercise I did the last few months didn't do a damn thing. I mean, I don't expect the band to do this FOR me, but I expect SOMEthing to come of it.

They recommended I go on liquids. For. Two. Weeks. Uh... wow. I've done liquids before -- even did the five-day pouch test -- but those only last a few days. They felt that doing this for a couple weeks will shock my system.

So as of today, I'm on liquids. I held off a few days because I realized I could run it right into my next fill on the 16th, especially considering that I have to do two days of liquids right after my fill anyway.

Therefore, if I seem especially cranky, you'll know why. o_O

The nice thing is that a friend of mine, who has been trying like hell to get a band for a while (she had a date set for this past August and it got canceled just days before she was set to go in) got a new date of 2/12, so she's on liquids too. Being that I was already planning on doing liquids, it worked out nice that I could be a liquid buddy for her.

Measurements to start off 2010

2010-01-29T01:43:00.001-05:00

I know this is almost February already, but I finally took measurements to use to gauge my 2010 weight- and inch loss. I hadn't done as well as I had hoped since my November measurements, but hey, I'll take the 1/2 inch. :)

Memba that XL Costco jacket?

2010-01-28T23:44:00.001-05:00

Well, I think I mentioned when I got it that, though it technically fit, it was a bit snug through the rear and belly section (it's slightly long, with the zipper beginning around hip level). I could raise it up over my hips and zip it and then pull it down over my hips and belly. It FIT, but I wouldn't have sat down in it while zipped! lol

Well, last night I kind of noticed -- though tonight I made note -- that when I slid it down over my hips, there wasn't any resistance like before! It's not the type of material to stretch, so I know it's not that. So even though the scale hasn't moved, there IS a shift. YAY!

Which reminds me, I NEED to take new measurements to start out this year (even though we're almost in February). Since classes started two weeks ago, I also resumed the gym. I need to use ALL my resources to keep me from freaking out when the scale keeps showing me from 221 to 225.

Personal Trainer Picks: 10 Best Exercises to Do Today

2010-01-23T17:18:00.001-05:00

Any type of exercise is good. But we wanted to know which at-home exercises were most likely to give you the results you want—in the least amount of time. To find out, we went to the American Council on Exercise (ACE), a nonprofit organization that certifies personal trainers. We surveyed more than 3,000 ACE certified trainers by e-mail, and we got more than 500 responses. Based on their experience, here's what personal trainers rate as tops.

Best Total Body Workout: Swimming

To target all your muscles, hop in the pool. Both your upper and lower body will be working, and to maintain proper alignment, your abs and back will get in on it too. Another key reason that trainers choose swimming: It's low impact, so you're less likely to get injured. In addition to an aerobic workout, the water adds resistance, giving your muscles another challenge.

Note: If you're going to make swimming your primary form of exercise, complement it with weight bearing exercise such as walking, jogging, tennis, or weight lifting. This will help keep your bones strong.

Best Ab Workout: Crunches on an Exercise Ball

This won top honors because it's an intense workout that allows you a greater range of motion. "Balancing on the ball requires the core stabilizer muscles in your back to contract, in addition to the abdominal muscles," said one personal trainer. It takes less time to fatigue, so you don't have to do as many of these as you would traditional floor crunches.

"It's also the hardest exercise to cheat on," said another trainer. Since this is an exercise that ranks high on difficulty, beginners may want to start with crunches on the floor.

How to do Crunches: Position the ball so that it's supporting your back. Your feet should be flat on the floor. Start with your arms extended in front of you, then slowly curl up. Hold, then lower. For more of a challenge, place your hands behind your head.

Best Butt Workout: Lunges and Squats (tie)

These moves were chosen for many of the same reasons: You can do several variations, you can do them anywhere, and they work your leg muscles in addition to your gluteal muscles.

Here's what one trainer had to say: "Lunges help develop balance and posture." While another chose squats because they "simulate everyday functions such as getting up from your chair. As we age, strong legs become a necessity for balance, hip stabilization, and coordination."

How to do Lunges: Place your right foot about 2 to 3 feet in front of you. Keeping your right knee directly over the ankle, bend that knee, at the same time dropping your left knee toward the floor. Your left heel will come off the floor. Don't lean forward. Hold, then press into your right foot to push yourself back up. Repeat with your left leg in front.

For a more advanced move, start with your feet together and step forward or backward into the lunge. Then push yourself back up to the starting position. Note: If you have knee problems, you may want to skip this exercise and do partial squats only.

How to do Squats: Stand with your back to a chair and your feet about shoulder width apart. Bending at the hips and knees, lower your butt until it's almost touching the chair. Looking down, you should be able to see your toes as you bend. If all you see are knees, you're bending too far forward; keep your knees behind your toes. Then slowly stand up.

For a greater challenge, hold dumbbells at your sides. If you have knee problems, stick with partial squats-lower yourself only halfway to the chair.

Boost your metabolism and fight over 40 fat with this training plan.

Best Arm Exercise: Pushups

Still a favorite of professionals! "If you were to do only one arm exercise, this would be the best for toning and firming," one trainer said. Pushups target mainly the chest muscles and the triceps in the back of your arms.

As another trainer put it, "When the triceps are developed, they add a nice look to the arms." In addition, the core muscles-the abs and back-are stabilizing you, so they're getting stronger as well.More praise: "Pushups are also a fabulous confidence booster. Many women don't think they can do them until they try, and then they see progress-fast!" If you can't do pushups on the floor, try doing them against a wall or leaning on a table or railing.

How to do Pushups: Lie facedown on the floor, hands by your shoulders and knees bent. Press your palms into the floor, straightening your arms. Keep your head, neck, back, and hips in line as you lift your body off the floor. When your arms are almost fully extended, hold. Now slowly lower, but before you touch the floor, push back up.

Advanced move: Do pushups on your toes instead of your knees.

Best Calf Exercise: Heel Raises

"Ten million dancers can't be wrong," said one trainer. For shapely calves, 75 percent of the trainers voted for heel raises.

The advantages of heel raises is that they concentrate specifically on the calves, they're easy to learn, and results are rapid.

How to do Heel Raises: Stand with your feet about hip-width apart. In the beginning, hold onto a chair or wall for balance. Rise up onto your toes. Hold, then slowly lower. To make this move more difficult, try doing it one leg at a time or holding dumbbells.

Best Short-on-Time Exercise: Walking Stairs

Can't fit in a workout? Trainers recommend that you hit the stairs. "Without taking any extra time, you can take the stairs instead of the elevator—which usually takes just as long to arrive anyway," suggested one trainer. Plus you can do it at work, home, shopping, even when you're traveling.

Walking stairs gets your heart rate up, strengthens your lower body, improves posture, helps prevent osteoporosis (it's a weight bearing exercise, so it helps build bone), and improves stamina. You'll also burn about 45 calories walking up and down stairs for 5 minutes.

You won't gain a pound this season with this easy, do anywhere stair climbing routine.

Best Workout When You Don't Want To: Dancing

The simple reason, according to many trainers: It's fun! "In my house, we have 'dance time' while preparing dinner or washing the dishes," said one. "We all bop around to our favorite CDs. It's a great way to incorporate exercise and quality time into our everyday routine."

"Good music will make your toes start tapping. Soon you'll be dancing-and not even thinking that it's exercise. Dancing lifts your spirits and burns calories," said another trainer.

Lose weight while you work by putting some muscle into your household chores.

Best Exercise When You're Pooped: Stretching

If you're going to plop down in front of the TV instead of exercising, at least do some stretches. Said one trainer, "Stretching increases bloodflow without being too taxing, giving you that little boost you may need to get going." Even if you only stretch, it will help you rest better, so your body will be ready to go for your next workout. And most trainers believe that we all need to stretch more anyway.

Best Exercise for Better Posture: Pinching Your Shoulder Blades

This move reverses the daylong effects of slouching around and hunching over the computer or steering wheel. "Doing this helps maintain the spine in its erect and neutral position. It opens up the chest area and prevents the rounded shoulders syndrome," said one trainer.

"It activates the trapezius and rhomboids, the muscle groups responsible for holding you in alignment," explained another. Equally important, it's easy-so you'll be more likely to do it.

Best Exercise for Walkers: Hamstring Stretches

Trainers are hot on the importance of stretching, but they feel that people aren't getting the message. For walkers specifically, trainers encourage this move because hamstrings are likely to be tight, which can lead to injuries and back pain. Being flexible also improves walking posture.

How to do Hamstring Stretches: Standing, place your right heel about 6 to 12 inches in front of you, with your toes pointing up. Put your hands on your left thigh for support. Bending your left knee and leaning forward from the hips, shift your weight back, sticking your butt out, until you feel a stretch in the back of your right leg. (It'll look as if you're half-sitting.) Keep your back straight. Hold for 10 to 30 seconds. Do two or three stretches with each leg.

Walk of the weight in 6 weeks with fitness guru Chris Freytag's walking boot camp.

How to Find a Personal Trainer

For more information on finding an ACE-certified personal trainer, call (800) 825-3636, or visit their website, acefitness.org.

http://www.active.com/fitness/Articles/Personal-Trainer-Picks--10-Best-Exercises-to-Do-Today.htm?act=AFC-SocialMedia&Property=Active&Sport=Fitness&PageType=Content_Articles&Emp=SA&PostType=Social_Network_Wall&Site=FacebookPage&Dy=01_23_09&Note=Personal-Trainer-Picks--10-Best-Exercises-to-Do-Today

Back at a good place

2010-01-23T15:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday's partial unfill seemed to work. I slept. And slept. And slept some more. All with no reflux. YAY! So far I have very minimal hunger, though I don't know if it's really hunger as opposed to just the knowledge that I have eaten very little since Sunday. I can't even call it head hunger. Is mouth hunger a legitimate issue?

I plan on having some dinner tonight. Yesterday my doc recommended that I stay on liquids no less than 24 hours and as much as 48 hours if I could handle it. We already had reservations with friends to go to Morton's for dinner tonight, so I've stayed pretty true to the liquids yesterday and today so that I can enjoy dinner tonight. Well, with the exception of a little bit of gouda cheese. But other than that, I've stayed true to the liquids.

Weight loss surgery increases the fear of failure

2010-01-22T17:27:00.000-05:00

I've been feeling a tad stressed about this yo-yo'ing of my band fill and compounding it with the fact that I've only lost 20 pounds (or slightly less, depending on when you catch me) since MARCH. The bulk of the nearly 70 pounds I've lost were in the first four months. That's not a good feeling, first and foremost.

So, even though we're not in a weight loss race, it still feels discouraging when you ARE doing the right things and you don't see the results on the scale. Okay, yes, I know we use other measurements (how clothes fit, measurements, how you feel), but still... I WANNA SEE THE SCALE MOVE, DAMNIT! Is that too much to ask?

Part of my stress over this is the fact that I've had three bad fills (one where I was filled way over what my doc thought, and now two where my "fill" actually turned into a partial unfill). I know I lost an entire month from late December until now where I felt I could eat almost anything. That was the most recent time there was a screw-up where instead of going from 4.2 to 4.6, I was actually taken down to 4.

I was talking to some other bandsters about it today, and I got an epiphany. Here is what I said to them:

I think we ALL feel, going into this, that dread of, "What if this doesn't work?" To lose 20 pounds since March is doing just that. Granted, it's not all due to the band, and I concede that. But for the last number of months, I've been rockin' it and doing what I should most of the time. To not see the results on the scale (even though inches may be affected, but let's be real -- we want to see the SCALE move) AND to also be dealing with this yo-yo'ing of my band, well... it's just feeding into that, "I've failed with SURGERY." I know in my heart that's not true, but when you've dieted all or most of your life and you've lost and gained and lost and gained and tried and failed, you can't get out of that mindset very easily.

It's a double whammy. It's discouraging. It makes you wonder why you're working out 3, 4, 5 days a week and not seeing anything. Okay, in all fairness I've lost 9.5 pounds just since Monday, but still... That was only because I could hardly even get down a protein drink and was likely only taking in a few hundred calories each day since then.

One thing I'm going to do, along with logging my meals once I'm on regular food (doc put me on liquids for another 24-48 hours) is take measurements. I might take them tonight, and then keep tabs on them either monthly or bi-monthly. I'll do all I can to gauge my progress. And if I don't see the numbers change there, I will pull my band out with a spork. o_O

I feel like a freakin' yo-yo

2010-01-22T11:38:00.000-05:00

It's back to the fill doc today. The issues I've been having all week have not gotten better no matter what I've tried.

On Monday my doc filled me from 4cc to 5cc which, though it sounded good at the time, worried me that it was a lot at one time (even though I had been at 5.2 for a number of months). I believe if he had eased me up like I THOUGHT was happening (i.e. if I was at 4.6 like he thought when I went in last instead of at 4), it wouldn't have been an issue. But almost from the start, I could feel the swelling from a full cc fill this high up the cc scale.

So all week I've been taking children's liquid ibuprofen for the swelling, and I broke out the Protonix and Nexium for the evening reflux. Unfortunately, last night I PBed on bean soup for over two hours, and last night's reflux was worse than it had been all week and I literally had to sleep sitting up.

Which means it's back to the doc today for a partial unfill (which I HOPE won't be too much so that we can get this thing back on track). The good news is I haven't been hungry, but since I'm a self-pay, I'm a bit tired of not having the fill we think I do. I appreciate him trying to help out and do so much at once, but obviously it was TOO much. And thankfully I don't get charged for unfills. I'm just ready to level out so I don't have to deal with this crap. :(

I must have thrown away over $500

2010-01-20T01:17:00.001-05:00

I was looking around for my Nexium to help me through the night with my reflux, and I went into the cabinet where I had all my supplements and diet aids from back when. Hubby tonight was asking me when I was going to get rid of them, and I told him I would -- I just hadn't thought about it. Well, the search for my Nexium got me started, and I pulled out all the expired and bad stuff. There was a compilation of every type of diet aid, miracle pill, supplement, and potion you could imagine. And usually more than one bottle of each one. Of course all their dates were bad (but I wouldn't use them now anyway) so they went into the garbage. It was kind of a release to know I don't have to be "that person" anymore, but at the same time it was SO disheartening to try to wrap my mind around how much that stuff represented in sheer dollar value. Ugh, all the supplements and miracle pills I've bought over the years could probably have paid for my surgery.

I cheated...

2010-01-19T20:54:00.001-05:00

I did a C25K practice on a day I was supposed to rest. :) I just can't see doing this only three times a week and progressing each week. I'm back at school full time again, which means I'm back at the gym as of today. I went ahead and did my practice on the treadmill, and wow, it sure seemed easier! Granted, it's a flat surface, but having a tv right there to watch and read the subtitles on didn't hurt. It actually helped keep my mind off what I was doing.

Today was a trip to the store, though, to get some glucosamine-chondroitin to help me with my aching knees. That's the only thing that might mess me up.

And now about yesterday's fill... I'm STILL pretty tight. Drinking my protein shake was almost torture. I was burping all through class as it seemed to drip-drip-drip from my stoma into my stomach. It was misery. My water went down a bit better, but wow... this is tight. OH, and my reflux came back last night. Nice. About 5:30 this morning I was waking up coughing and sputtering. Not large amounts of acid, but still...

So another bandster who is also a nurse recommended taking liquid ibuprofen for the swelling; and I think tonight I will take one of my antacids before going to bed. The liquid Mylanta didn't do a damn thing for me last night. :(

If there's a silver lining in all of this, it's that I'm not hungry again. YAY!

Week 2, day 1 of Couch-to-5K

2010-01-18T17:56:00.000-05:00

Well I can certainly feel the difference in the runs -- but I did it. I kept up (at my pace, of course) and didn't stop running even when I thought I couldn't do it anymore.

This week's runs consist of a five-minute warm-up, followed by six 90-second runs, each followed by 2-minute brisk walks and a cool-down.

I wonder if I'll notice a difference when I do it on Wednesday at school on a treadmill, which will obviously be flat. The areas I'm running aren't necessarily hilly, but they're not flat either.

I decided to check the cool-running site to see what is coming up and I'm doing a freak-out here. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but I just can't see being able to do this in nine weeks in the shape I'm in. Here is how it's broken down:

Week 1

Workout 1: Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Workout 2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Workout 3: Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Week 2

Workout 1: Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Workout 2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Workout 3: Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Week 3

Workout 1: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following:

Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes)
Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)

Workout 2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following:

Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes)
Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)

Workout 3: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following:

Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds)
Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes)
Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)

Week 4

Workout 1: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:

Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Workout 2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:

Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Workout 3: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:

Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Week 5

Workout 1: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:

Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Workout 2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:

Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)
Walk 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)

Workout 3: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog two miles (or 20 minutes) with no walking.

Week 6

Workout 1: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:

Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Workout 2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:

Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)

Workout 3: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2-1/4 miles (or 25 minutes) with no walking.

Week 7

Workout 1: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes)

Workout 2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes)

Workout 3: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes)

Week 8

Workout 1: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes)

Workout 2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes)

Workout 3: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes)

Week 9

Workout 1: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes)

Workout 2: Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes)

Workout 3: The final workout! Congratulations! Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes)

http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

Now I know why it felt like I could eat a Vespa

2010-01-18T17:14:00.000-05:00

I went in for my fill today and was complaining that I had been hungry since my last fill on December 22. My doc said we'd take care of that today. Okay, great, but did I loosen up that much or is something going on?

He proceeded to tell me that he had some training recently in which it was said that it's best to fill based on gauging how the patient responds to the fill as opposed to literally knowing numbers. As in how much is inside our band. As in it's completely unknown. The theory was taht to remove all the fluid and then refill the band again causes some pressure changes that can create problems. Technically it sounds like it makes sense, but WTH??

So... when I went in on December 22 I was at 4.2, down from 5.2 a couple weeks prior when he removed some due to my reflux. On the 22nd he said he put IN .4cc, which would bring me up to 4.6. Apparently that wasn't the case. When he removed what I had in my band today to see where I was at, I was at 4!! As in DOWN .2cc from my last visit!! Not cool. Not only was I hungry all month (and had the weight gain to show for it), but I'm a self-pay since my insurance changed early last year -- which means that all this dawdling not only wastes weightloss time for me, but it costs me. I think from now on, when I go in for a fill and say I'm at a comfortable spot, I'm going to make him re-check to see that we did what we actually think we did.

So today's fill was a full cc, bringing me up to 5cc... I think... It's hard to know for sure anymore o_O. Without a doubt, 5.2cc was a sweet spot for me, because I went for such a long time without hunger. I think 5cc ought to do well by me without causing me the troubles it did at the end of last semester. Now here's hoping giving me a full cc full doesn't cause me problems on the front end.

Doctors and teachers and fills, OH MY!

2010-01-17T23:39:00.000-05:00

I am finally getting another fill in the morning, and none too soon. You know you need a fill when the dog is lookin' good.

I don't know -- either I really loosened up after finals finished (and I got my .4cc fill) or he misjudged again and maybe took more out. It's hard to tell. However, I can say that going from NEVER being hungry for four months to feeling hunger again -- I no heart that. Though not "starving," the hunger has really driven me crazy this month. I'm not sure what he'll be doing tomorrow, but a fill is DEFINITELY in order.

And though it's hard to believe, classes start again on Tuesday. Is it a bad sign when you talk to one of your new professors and, upon telling him you're taking 18 credit hours, he laughs at you? o_O Not quite sure how to take that, lol! But yes, boys and girls, it's back to the grind. Last semester I took 17 credit hours and got two A's and three B's (came thisclose to making the Dean's list again, but I only made a 3.42) -- but that was with only five classes. This semester it's one extra credit hour, but it's SIX classes. I think I'm certifiable. No, no... I'm certain of it. I'm one fry short of a Happy Meal. WTH am I thinking? Oh well...

Okay, so this means that as of Tuesday, my exercise starts back up in earnest. Though I didn't exercise in the traditional sense during my time off, I was busy and active nearly every day, often logging more than my 2250 calories-exerted goal. I can't believe how much stuff I got done during my break! It makes it seem like way more than 33 days went by. But it feels good and I feel like I accomplished something, especially considering in the "old days" I would have simply stayed online playing Mafia Wars and other video games all freakin' day while watching trash tv. Instead, I got rooms cleaned, closets cleared and organized, stuff donated, flooring laid, trip taken to see the folks, and I'm sure some other stuff I missed.

The one good thing about having so many classes this semester is that I will be on campus four days a week. Not that that in itself is good, but that's one extra gym day for me if I choose to work it like that -- Mondays I start at 10:30am, and I like to exercise before school, which means an early morning for me unless I exercise in the basement.

Ideally I'd like to step up my exercise to five days a week. Also for 2010 is my commitment to myself to start logging meals and really keeping track of what I'm doing rather than just "playing" at it. When I was exercising my ass off, I wasn't seeing the scale budge. Maybe the inches were improving, but I wasn't really keeping a good tab on that. The result: Upset and much swearing that the scale wasn't budging.

So for 2010, my plan is to enhance what I started in 2009, improve upon some things I let slack, and exercise a bit more -- especially in my "new" basement. I really need to be accountable to myself and track what works and what doesn't, and make sure I'm recognizing all my progress -- which will mean not JUST focusing on the scale.

Here's to a new year and an improved me. I want this year to be the year I do a 5K AND get to goal. That's all I want. Well, that and my mom and dad's new dog:

AWWWWWWW!!!

When Your Self-Worth is Wrapped Around Your Weight (and 7 Ways to Unwrap It)

2010-01-16T21:00:00.000-05:00

Oh wow, did this ever speak to me today! My eating disorder therapist has been trying at times to help me figure out why I allow self-esteem to dictate my worth in life -- and obviously that self-esteem is wrapped very tightly with my weight at this stage in my life (though not always -- I was thin and very self-conscious too).

Does how you look make you feel unworthy of love, satisfying relationships, a good job or true happiness?

Most of us can list at least five things that would change for the “better” if we were trim and toned. For instance:

I’d be happier
I’d be prettier
I’d be popular
I’d be more confident
I’d finally like myself

For most of my life, I wanted to look different, and that different included being thin. Even when I got there my sophomore year of college, I was so afraid of losing my almost stick-thin status that I restricted and then overate and tried to exercise not for health’s sake but because I wanted to shed more pounds. I’d wake up to a pitch-black morning, drag myself out of my warm bed, and run from my apartment to the one-room gym a few minutes away. I was miserable. And, not surprisingly, that lasted all of one week.

Yet, I was terrified of gaining weight, because that meant that I’d be back to wishing that I looked different and I’d be less attractive, less desirable and all the happiness I supposedly gained would go away. I had created a slew of positive assumptions about being thin, similar to the above. And I’d lose all that, I thought, as the pounds returned.

You see my physical appearance ruled how I felt about myself as a person, how confident I was and what I believed I deserved in relationships, among other things. My self-worth and my silhouette had become intertwined. And that self-worth was oh-so fickle, and my self-confidence conditional, based on others’ compliments and whether an attractive, thinner girl walked through the door.

Being thin meant I was happy with myself and my self-worth was A-OK for the most part. Gaining weight meant I was a failure and accomplishments like great grades were only briefly acknowledged. I’d feel proud but it did’t do much for creating a stable and positive self-worth. More accurately, my self-worth would easily bend and fold to the wind and shake like a leaf.

Does your’s shake violently with the changing tide of your weight? Does it shudder slightly as you step off the scale, hear a negative remark, see an image in a magazine? When your self-worth is dependent mostly or solely on your shape, it can be stressful and upsetting. It can bring on a variety of negative emotions and affect other parts of your life.

But you can work on your self-worth, whether it’s constantly changing its stripes or has been hardened to the bone with your appearance and self-worth as one entity.

Improving Your Self-Worth

There’s no quick-fix for a broken self-image, for self-worth that feels like it’s plummeted. But you can take small steps to improve your self-worth. Things that take time to change are usually more meaningful, anyway.

1. Unshackle your self from your body. So if your self-worth and weight are shackled to each other (sorta like you might be shackled to your scale), release yourself from these bonds. Even if you don’t feel fabulous about your body (here are some tips that may help), there’s no reason you shouldn’t recognize your non-physical attributes and accomplishments.

What do you love most about your character, personality and principles? Are you generous, smart, witty, sweet, thoughtful? Are you a friend that everyone can count on? Do you volunteer? What about yourself makes you happy?

If you’re still iffy or need a jump-start, create a daily credit list. Write down about five things you’ve done today that you can give yourself credit for. Then think about how these actions relate to the type of person you are.

2. Consider the root of your connection. When was it that you started connecting your self-worth to how you look, your weight, your size, your shape? Was it a snarky remark at school? Something a relative said? A particular message in the media? What made you think that your self-worth is shaped by external factors, by some socially constructed image?

It might help you to pinpoint this moment and then figure out how to move on. Seeing your self-worth and shape as one is deeply ingrained within our society, so it might not be easy as pie to separate the two. But finding that moment when the link was made can help you in breaking it.

3. What makes you unique? It’s a tough question but it’s worth some reflection! As I write this, I’m racking my brain trying to think of what makes me unique. So no worries; you don’t have to think about it right away, but do give it some thought. Each of us is different and special in our own way (sounds too kum-ba-ya-ish? well, it’s true!). No two people are alike. Even twins have different personalities, ideas, senses of style.

4. What is your purpose? Derive your self-worth from doing good, from inspiring someone, from living your dreams, not from your clothing size or the number on the scale. Sure, it’s easy to say that. But once you realize what your goals are and what you’d like to accomplish, you’ll start to focus more on this and less on your thighs. Not sure of your purpose? Try these exercises to boost your brainstorming process. According to one self-esteem researcher:

“We really think that if people could adopt goals not focused on their own self-esteem but on something larger than their self–such as what they can create or contribute to others–than they would be less susceptible” to some of the negative effects of pursuing self-esteem, Crocker says. “It’s about having a goal that is bigger than the self.”

What can you create? What can you contribute to the world?

5. Fake it. Live tomorrow or the next day like you’re a highly confident person, a person whose self-worth is stable and, in fact, soaring. How does it feel? Were you in a better mood? Were you nicer, happier, less anxious? Were you able to accomplish more? Now, consider why that self-confidence, that soaring self-worth can’t become a reality. What’s standing in your way?

6. Work on your self-acceptance. Become more accepting of yourself, your qualities, your mistakes. Build your self-acceptance by being more compassionate toward yourself and focusing on the positives versus the negatives, suggests psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D.

7. Give yourself the power. It’s been said over and over again, but I love this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” For starters, try not to let others dictate your self-worth. Someone say something negative to you? Before just accepting it, consider whether it’s genuine constructive criticism or an offhand remark? Don’t automatically assume that anyone is an expert on you.

Another way to give yourself the power is with self-care and a healthy lifestyle. When you take care of yourself, you start feeling good every day or most days. You feel in control of your life and have a better idea of what you need. You’re able to think more clearly.

It wasn’t till a few years ago that I discovered and started appreciating the amazing benefits of working out, eating healthfully, getting enough sleep and taking good care of myself. I started feeling strong and powerful. My mood lifted, and I was able to view my self-worth more clearly. Sure, cultivating a genuinely positive and stable self-worth may seem like a struggle at times but it’s a worthwhile one and you’ll get there!

Is your self-worth dependent on how you look? What has been helpful for you in building a more positive, and less fickle, self-worth? How have you become more accepting of yourself?

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2010/01/when-your-self-worth-is-wrapped-around-your-weight-and-7-ways-to-unwrap-it/

Podcast info

2010-01-16T17:44:00.004-05:00

For those who might also be interested in the Couch-to-5K program, there are some individuals out there who have created some cool podcasts to help ease you into it. They have you doing intervals of walking and running, steadily increasing the runs each week until it blends together.

I've just started week one of Robert Ullrey's podcasts, but when I went to go look it up to share the link here, I found another that might help shake it up a bit if one gets to be a bit too boring. Ullrey's is pretty techno; but so far the other one -- DJ Beatsmith -- sounds a bit retro. I guess it's all about what you want to listen to. Beatsmith's, though, has two to three separate mixes for some of the upper weeks, so I guess you can mix it up a bit.

I originally thought the Ullrey set was designed to get you to 5K in 12 weeks, but somehow I got the information wrong -- it's actually nine weeks! I'm just going to see how each week goes before I determine if I can really do this in nine weeks, especially since I am still over 200 pounds. The first 5K I was looking at wasn't until April 18 (with the second in early May), so I have some time to extend some weeks if they don't go too well where I don't feel comfortable or I feel like I'm just hanging on by the skin of my teeth. It's hard to believe that only doing this three times a week for nine weeks (27 times total) is going to be enough for me to "get there." I may surprise myself, but at least I have some wiggle room.

For those who may be interested, here are the links to the two podcasts:

http://www.ullreys.com/robert/Podcasts/podcasts/podcasts.html

http://www.djsteveboy.com/1day25k.html

The second one also has podcasts for 8K and 10K runs as well, if anyone is so inclined. ;)

Additionally, there is a link to Cool Running who is behind the Couch-to-5K program. You can also follow them on Facebook:

http://coolrunning.com/

Week 1 of Cto5K DONE!

2010-01-15T23:38:00.000-05:00

That's all. :)

Next week it's three days that consist of six 90-second runs instead of eight 60-second runs, with two-minute rests (well, fast walks, if that's resting) in between. I'll begin this on Monday. WOOT!

10 Easy Portion Control Tricks

2010-01-15T01:57:00.000-05:00

I know for many of us, this may not be an issue. However, when I'm at my sweet spot, I don't really get that full sensation (nor a hungry one) -- so I really have to rely on keeping to my portions.

Portion control is an important part of maintaining a healthy diet. Here are 10 easy ways to limit what you eat.

When most of us sit down to eat, the last thing we want to think about is portion control. But for anyone on a diet or just looking to maintain their current figure, that’s exactly what they should be doing.

Gone are the days of eating a bagel or muffin and feeling safe about its calories. In fact, researchers measured typical servings from takeout restaurants, fast food chains, and family-style eateries and found that bagels were 195 percent larger than the standard set by the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA), muffins were 333 percent bigger and cooked pasta exceeded the standard by 480 percent. Scariest of all were cookies, which were a whopping seven times the USDA recommended serving size.

Portion Control and Diet: How It Works

The first step in successful portion control is learning the correct serving size — the amount of food recommended by government agencies, such as the Dietary Guidelines for Americans put out by the USDA and Department of Health and Human Services, and the USDA Food Guide Pyramid. The serving size can usually be found by reading nutritional labels. But the portion is the amount of food or drink a person chooses to consume. In many cases, the portion eaten is larger than the serving size simply because we don’t know any better.

“Portion control is limiting what you eat,” says Mary M. Flynn, RD, PhD, chief research dietitian and assistant professor of medicine at the Miriam Hospital and Brown University in Providence, R.I. “It is being aware of how much food you are actually eating and what calories are in that serving.”

Portion Control and Diet: 10 Easy Tips for Smaller Servings

The good news is that with a little practice, portion control is easy to do and can help people be successful in reaching and then maintaining a proper weight.

Here are 10 simple ways to keep your portions a healthy size:

1. Measure accurately. For foods and beverages, use gadgets like a measuring cup, tablespoon, teaspoon, or food scale.

2. Learn how to estimate serving sizes. “‘Ballpark’ food portion sizes by estimating serving sizes in comparison to known objects,” says Rose Clifford, RD, clinical dietitian in the department of pharmacy services at the Washington Hospital Center in Washington, DC. “For example, three ounces of cooked meat, fish, or poultry is about the size of a deck of cards.” Other easy measurements to eyeball include:

½ cup is the size of an ice cream scoop
1 cup is the size of a tennis ball
1 ounce of cheese is the size of a domino

3. Use portion control dishware. Pick out smaller plates, bowls, cups, and glassware in your kitchen and measure what they hold. You might find that a bowl you thought held 8 ounces of soup actually holds 16, meaning you’ve been eating twice what you planned.

4. Dish out your servings separately. Serve food from the stove onto plates rather than family-style at the table, which encourages seconds.

5. Make your own single-serving packs. “Re-portion bulk quantities of favorite foods such as pasta, rice, and cereal into individual portions in zipper bags so that when you’re in the mood for some food you’ll instantly see the number of portions you’re preparing,” says Jennifer Nasser, RD, PhD, assistant professor in the department of biology at Drexel University in Philadelphia.

6. Add the milk before the coffee. When possible, put your (fat-free) milk into the cup before adding the hot beverage to better gauge the amount used.

7. Measure oil carefully. This is especially important because oil (even the healthful kinds like olive and safflower) have so many calories; don’t pour it directly into your cooking pan or over food.

8. Control portions when eating out. Eat half or share the meal with a friend. If eating a salad, ask for dressing on the side. Dip your fork into the dressing and then into the salad.

9. Add vegetables. Eat a cup of low-calorie vegetable soup prior to eating a meal, or add vegetables to casseroles and sandwiches to add volume without a lot of calories.

10. Listen to your hunger cues. Eat when hungry and stop when satisfied or comfortably full. “Try to gauge when you are 80 percent full and stop there,” says Clifford. “There will be more food at the next meal or snack!”

http://www.everydayhealth.com/diet-nutrition/meal-planning/tips/keep-portion-sizes-in-check.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthDietandNutrition_20100113

Do You Know Your Active Metabolic Rate?

2010-01-15T01:35:00.001-05:00

The number of calories you burn in a day is known as your active metabolic rate (AMR). Rates vary from person to person, so it is cruical that you take the time to figure yours out — if you don't, you run the risk of consuming too many calories or even consuming too few.

A part of determining how many calories you burn in a day, you need to know is your physical activity level. Determine which one of these descriptions best fits your day-to-day routine, then give yourself the appropriate score.

a. Sedentary Physical Activity Level
Do you have a desk job or do some other kind of work that keeps you in your chair for most of the day? If the answer is yes, your score is 1.1.

b. Light Physical Activity Level
Are you on your feet and walking around for at least half the day? Stay-at-home moms, salespeople, and doctors fall into this category. If this is you, your score is 1.2.

c. Moderate Physical Activity Level
If you're on the move pretty much all day, with a few limited periods of being sedentary, this is the level for you. People in this category include gardeners, carpenters, and mail carriers. If you're in this category, your score is 1.3.

d. High Physical Activity Level
Does your job require being constantly on the move, and does it entail significant amounts of manual labor? Construction workers, farm workers, and movers are among those who land in this category. If you're in this group, your score is 1.4.

Another element you need to calculate your AMR is the number of calories you burn from exercise on an average day. The number of calories you burn during any exercise session depends on a few things, primarily your body weight.

Use this chart to help you determine the number of calories you burn from exercise on an average day according to your weight, the type of exercise you do, and its duration. You can also use a heart rate monitor to get an accurate number. Write the number down.

Now comes the math. If you don't know your BMR, it's influenced by a number of factors, including age, weight, height, gender, environmental temperature, and diet and exercise habits. Because of these varying factors, it's hard to pin down your BMR to the precise calorie, but we can get pretty close. Here are some formulas for figuring out your BMR. Get out your calculator and plug your numbers into whichever formula applies to you.

MALE: 66 + (6.3 × body weight in pounds) + (12.9 × height in inches) − (6.8 × age in years)

FEMALE: 655 + (4.3 × weight in pounds) + (4.7 × height in inches) − (4.7 × age in years)

Now you have all three numbers: your BMR, daily activity score, and exercise expenditure. Simply multiply your BMR by your daily activity score, and then add your exercise expenditure. Whatever you get from this final calculation is your magic number.

http://www.jillianmichaels.com/fitness-and-diet-tips/determining-your-AMR

Couch to 5K, week 1 day 2

2010-01-13T23:41:00.001-05:00

Okay, well I did it again. This one took a bit more on my part because I was in a total slacker mode all day. I'm visiting the folks for the week, and mom and I had jammie day all day. It was so bad we even took a nap around 2:00 or so, and I didn't get up until nearly 4:30. My mom asked if I was going to go do my routine, and I started to say no... but I thought about it. It only takes 30 minutes if that's all I do, and I wouldn't be running into nightfall yet. I immediately put on my shoes and went out the door.

So... week 1, day 2 is done. AND I added more and did a 50-minute routine. Friday I will finish off the end of my first week! :)

Week 1, day 1 of the Couch to 5K

2010-01-11T23:55:00.001-05:00

I finally started, and I did pretty good considering I haven't really "worked out" in the month I've been off from school. I'm visiting the folks and brought my MP3 player that has the podcasts on it and decided today I was starting. Granted, it's only 30 minutes long, but I did additional walking and got in just over an hour total.

Anyway, I wanted to start logging this to keep myself motivated (and accountable) for my 5K later this year.

Overcoming Mental Blocks to Weight Loss

2010-01-11T00:41:00.001-05:00

This was in my inbox at the perfect time.

Your mind can play tricks on you, but it can also play a role in your ultimate diet success. Here's how to beat the mental obstacles that can keep you from losing weight.

By Diana Rodriguez
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

Sometimes being on a diet just seems overwhelming. You might feel as though you don't have the heart to stay in the weight-loss fight. Well, it's not always your heart that keeps you from diet success — sometimes it's all in your head.

Weight Loss: Think Before You Eat

One of the main reasons that diets fail is because people approach weight loss the wrong way. "Targeting that diet mentality is really the key," says Martin Binks, PhD, director of behavioral health research at the Duke Diet and Fitness Center and assistant professor at the Duke University Medical Center in Durham, N.C. "If I had to pick one thing I could fix to stop diets from failing, it would be all-or-nothing thinking and all-or-nothing acting."

Binks works to get individuals to set small, realistic goals instead of big, sweeping ones. "If you went into every situation without thinking it's all or nothing, you're much more likely to moderate what you eat," he explains. "Start thinking about the hundreds and hundreds of mini-decisions we make in a day."

Small decisions and exchanges — like eating only half of a cookie instead of a whole one or adding a few short, quick walks to your overall exercise program — are what ultimate lead to weight loss. "If I could get people to think a little differently day to day, it would make a huge difference," he says.

Weight Loss: Overcoming Mental Obstacles

Another mental obstacle dieters face is giving up on themselves, says Anne Wolf, RD, a registered dietitian and researcher at the University of Virginia School of Medicine. "They don't believe they really can do it," says Wolf. "But once they see that other people have lost weight, they realize, 'I can do that, too.'"

She also sees individuals begin a weight-loss plan out of anger or take a "no pain, no gain" mentality when it comes to weight loss. "Anger is not [the same as] a commitment," notes Wolf. "If you can stay on a program that causes no pain and you gradually lose weight over the year, that's great."

Weight Loss: Finding a Healthy Mindset

"I tried to lose weight twice before I made the permanent lifestyle changes necessary to accomplish my goals," says John from Fairfax, Va. When he made the decision to get serious about weight loss, it was because he realized that not only was his weight unhealthy, but so was the way he thought about his weight and his health.

"I remember going shopping for bigger pants again, and sitting in the store and looking at the 44W rack, thinking I could probably save money if I just got the 46W and grew into them — talk about surreal," says John.

That moment made him realize that his thought process had to change and led to a 70-pound weight loss. "Luckily, I had a moment of clarity and realized how self-destructive my logic was," says John.

The trigger that makes you realize you don't lose weight through a diet, but through a lifestyle change, is different for everyone. Drastic dieting can be a vicious cycle that leaves people angry, depressed, frustrated, and finally just giving up. But if you learn a healthy way to approach weight loss, both mentally and physically, you can ultimately find success.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/weight/overcoming-mental-blocks-to-weight-loss.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthDietandNutrition_20100110

Getting back on track for 2010

2010-01-11T00:20:00.000-05:00

Well, I will start off by saying somthing good and something bad about 2009 in relation to my weight loss. The good is that I am down between 65 and 68 pounds (depending on the day you catch me on). The bad news is I am only down between 65 and 68 pounds (depending on the day you catch me on). Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset to be down that much weight; it's just that the bulk of the weight was lost from the date of surgery until early in 2009. After that, it bobbled, zig-zagged, stalled, and just did all sorts of weird crap for months on end. Some of it was self-inflicted. Much of it was not. ALL of it was totally frustrating, especially at the end of the year where I was working out three days a week, often 1 1/2 to as many as 3 hours each session -- and the scale. didn't. budge.

It's a combination of needing to just do what needs to be done and not focus on the scale so much, but it's so hard because it's what we do -- those of us who have dieted and gained weight over and over and over again. It's hard not to get discouraged when you're busting your ass at the gym and you don't realize the results you want which shows you, "Yeah, you busted your ass this month. Here's a 10-pound weight loss."

I need to focus on the positive this year and not focus on the negative. I need to remember that if I keep doing the right things, the right things will happen. Though stuff isn't in place yet, the flooring is laid in the basement, so I can do some of the stuff down there that I want to do now. Not only that, I am taking 18 credit hours this semester, which will have me on campus four days a week now instead of three. That gives me one more day in the gym. I also still plan on doing a 5k this spring. There's one in April and another in May. If I do each weekly podcast over two weeks, the original 9 week program would take me 18 weeks, which would take me to May. There may also be others I haven't found yet that would be around that time or June-ish to give me a bit more time.

This year must be the year of focusing on the positive aspects of this journey and not focusing on where I screwed up or why the scale isn't saying what I want it to. I need to be happy with what's gone and now focus on small victories and quit looking at the big elephant. It's all about eating it bite by bite, right? :)

6 Steps to Making New Year’s Resolutions That Work

2010-01-04T01:29:00.001-05:00

Again, we all know what we are doing is not a "diet," but we also know we can cheat and do things that thwart our progress. I thought this had some good suggestions:

It’s that time of year again when people plan to attend a New Year’s Eve party with friends and family, and then resolve to do something better or different next year.

It’s also the time of the year many people make resolutions that are bound to fail.

But they don’t have to. People sometimes make resolutions that will be impossible to keep. Making realistic, simple resolutions can lead to a greater chance of success in the upcoming year.

According to previous research, we know that nearly 40 percent of people set the goal of starting to exercise, while 13 percent want to eat better. Nearly 7 percent say they want to reduce their consumption of alcohol, drugs, caffeine or to quit smoking. These are all reasonable goals. So how does a person find success with them?

1. Be realistic in your goals.

Choose one goal, then break it down into smaller, more manageable bits. For example, if you want to save $1,000, think about it in terms of saving $20 per paycheck. That makes your goal less intimidating. Every time you save some money, praise yourself. Rewarding yourself for every positive step will help you have the confidence you need to hang in there.

2. Start with a plan and stick to it

Studies show that people who make impulsive resolutions are less likely to stick to them. Think about what is most important to you and create strategies to deal with the problems and setbacks that will come up as you move towards your goal. Tracking your progress will help as well; the more you monitor and praise yourself, the more likely you are to succeed.

3. Team up with a friend or loved one

Make a list of your goals and share them with a friend or loved one. You are now accountable to two people: yourself and the other person. You will also get a sense of satisfaction from helping your friend accomplish his or her goals, too. Such an informal pact can help hold your feet to the fire when you feel discouraged or want to give up — they can offer you some encouragement and support (and you can do likewise).

4. Look at the bright side and allow yourself mistakes

Focusing on the positive side of things will give you more energy and enthusiasm to pursue your goals. People who believe that they can succeed are more likely to do so. For example, praise yourself for losing five pounds, but don’t punish yourself for gaining one back. You will reach your goal more easily if you accentuate the positive. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t accomplish the small goals you set for yourself, or if one day you “fall off the wagon” or mess up. Remind yourself that every day is a new day and an opportunity to try again.

5. Think of resolutions as opportunities to try new things

Resolutions are a time of the year not only to try and “fix” the problems in your life, but also to try out a new way of being, a new activity or hobby, or a new attitude. Resolutions should not seem like punishments; if you try to make them fun, you will be more likely to stick with them. If your goal is to be healthier, try going for a 10-minute walk before work and enjoying your neighborhood. Think of January first as a chance to adopt a healthier lifestyle, not as the start of a period of denial

6. Try, try again

If you don’t succeed at first, don’t be discouraged. Not many people are able to reach their goals on the first try. Try again! There’s no shame in not succeeding on our first try and although it may be a little discouraging, it doesn’t have to be an excuse to stop.

http://psychcentral.com/news/2009/12/29/6-steps-to-making-new-years-resolutions-that-work/10461.html

Another New Year is here

2010-01-01T00:47:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm down about 68ish pounds (depending on when I weigh in), and that's good. However, I'm not quite halfway to where I wanted to be.

This is the year to get to goal -- or at least within a healthy reach of goal.

My basement should get done, I'll be going to classes four days a week (which means the GYM four days a week), and I got my new toy, and I'm determined to run a 5K this year... so it's time to ramp it up a notch.

Here's to seeing my new self and all my friends on the other side.

I finally got it!!

2009-12-31T16:04:00.000-05:00

Earlier this year I was talking about wanting one of these Weider Powerbells (weighted plates take it from five to 20 pounds), and good thing I waited! When I found them, I think I could only get it online, and it was $120. Granted, I could make three payments of $40, but I doubt that even included shipping.

For some reason I thought about it yesterday and did a search, and I found that Sears carrys them. Not only that, they are now $99. My local Sears showed they had two, so I went out today and got what appeared to be their last one (obviously their stock info was wrong)! WOOT WOOT!

This weekend we plan to lay the flooring in the basement, so as soon as that is done, I'll have a workable basement again. Bring on the workouts!

Here's a link to the different butt-kickin' workouts to do with this thing :http://www.getpowerbell.com/powerdvd.html

12 Must-Keep Diet and Nutrition Resolutions

2009-12-31T00:34:00.002-05:00

Though we all know we're not "on a diet," per se, we still have to follow certain "diet" rules. I looked through these and they could work well for all of us this upcoming year. Enjoy. :)

January: Focus on Fat

Because it has the highest concentration of calories, cut down on fat intake, and saturated fats in particular — heavy cream, butter, sour cream, and cream cheese — which elevate LDL, the bad cholesterol, explains Barbara Schmidt, MS, RD, lifestyle specialist at Norwalk Hospital and private practice nutritionist in New Canaan, Conn.

February: Jot Down Your Diet

Take a few minutes every weekend to map out your daily diet for the coming week. With a checklist format, you can tick off each item as you eat it. "It's important to track calories if you are watching your weight," says Dr. Caroline Apovian, director of the Nutrition and Weight Management Center at Boston University Medical Center. Adds Schmidt, "Keeping a record makes you aware of what you're eating and makes you a student of your habits, to keep you on course and prevent unconscious eating. Keep an exercise record, too."

March: Eat a Better Breakfast

It's advice we know — and usually ignore! Not only does skipping breakfast keep you from getting vital nutrients, it can lead to your grabbing tasteless, empty-calorie foods, like that stale Danish from the office coffee cart. "Breakfast stokes up your furnace and gets your metabolism going for the entire day," says Schmidt. And the best breakfast choices are fast and easy:

Fresh fruit & yogurt
High-fiber cereal with skim milk and fruit
Oatmeal
Smoothie made with nonfat yogurt, frozen blueberries, and avocado

April: Add Some Weight to Your Workout

The more muscle you have, the faster your metabolism, and the faster your weight loss, explains Schmidt. Experts suggest adding two sessions of targeted weight training to your weekly fitness program through either free weights, resistance machines, or exercises using Therabands. Try Dr. Apovian's favorite: Do lunges from one end of the room to the other as you use hand weights to work biceps and triceps.

May: Stop Stress Eating

Use behavior modification to keep you from reaching for the cookies when you get anxious. "Try activities that aren't compatible with eating, like knitting, playing piano, and painting," suggests Schmidt. When you're tempted between meals, she suggests looking at your watch and asking yourself, "Is it my time to eat?" If not, grab the paintbrush. The problem with between-meal nibbling is the chain reaction it starts: We take a bite of a candy bar, feel guilty about it, and then eat the whole thing! Because stress eating is often done on the fly, Apovian says to abide by the following mantra: If you cannot enjoy every bite and eat slowly, it is not worth eating.

June: Stick to Healthy Portions

Often, it's the amount of the food you eat that derails your diet. Suggested serving sizes are surprisingly small, and starches pile up fast. "One serving of pasta or rice is only one-third cup. If you eat one cup, which is not a lot, that's already three servings. A bagel equals five slices of bread, and can't be part of your repertoire if you want to lose weight," says Schmidt. Fats are even more concentrated. Just six almonds equal one serving — eat a cupful and you've consumed 1,000 calories! Apovian recommends the "new American plate": 50 percent vegetables, 25 percent protein, 25 percent starch, and a piece of fruit for dessert.

Size up portions this way:

3 ounces of protein = a deck of cards
1 cup rice or pasta, 1 medium fruit = tennis ball
1 ounce cheese = a pair of dice
1 tablespoon peanut butter = ping-pong ball
1 tablespoon oil, salad dressing = ½ ping-pong ball

July: Feed Your Mind and Body

So often people eat simply because they're bored and depressed about being on a diet! Shift your focus away from the drudgery of counting calories and find ways to replace eating with fun. Investigate activities that not only get you up and moving, but may also promote well-being, like yoga, Pilates, and meditation. "You need to take that time for yourself," says Schmidt. "Even if you just go for a 30-minute walk, for instance, to get away from daily living, you could relax and be stress-free." Other ideas to get you moving:

Dancing
Swimming
Golf (walk, don't use the cart!)
Kickboxing
TV fitness shows

August: Eat Fruits and Vegetables

Fruits and vegetables contain phytochemicals and antioxidants to keep you healthy, young, and free of cancer. The goal is "five a day," but to lose weight, keep serving sizes in mind. Many whole fruits are two servings, like a large apple or a banana. "Eat both and you've already had four servings," warns Schmidt. Sugar snap peas and baby carrots are two good snacks. Bolognese sauce on spaghetti squash is a great pasta alternative, says Apovian. But beware of what you put on your produce. Hummus adds fat; a better alternative is low-fat dip or salad dressing. Peanut butter on apple slices tastes great, but adds 100 calories per spoonful.

September: Develop a Better Body Image

It's easy to lose motivation if you tell yourself you'll never reach your goal of becoming a supermodel. Realize that most women don't have the "perfect" body — you might have some diet-resistant trouble spots, but that's no reason to quit. Find ways to celebrate every lost pound and set your sights on being the best you can be. "Focus on exercise and improving performance and the body will follow," says Apovian. Adds Schmidt: "I always tell my clients it's about being healthy, not about being thin."

October: Break the Binge/Guilt/Binge Cycle

You're changing your lifestyle, so change your behaviors, too. Promise yourself no more binges, even when you fall off the wagon. Just because you ate a slice of cake doesn't mean you should follow it with slices two and three. One piece of cake is 500 calories, while a pound of fat is 3,500. You'd have to eat it every day for a week to gain a pound. Once won't derail all the work you've done, so don't beat yourself up — just get back on track, says Schmidt.

November: Get More Sleep to Lose Weight

"We all should sleep eight hours a night," stresses Apovian. Studies show that people who don't get enough rest eat more when they're awake. If you find yourself dragging in the afternoon, you might think, I'm tired, so I'll eat. "But you feel tired because you're dehydrated and need to drink more water," explains Schmidt. Speaking of fluids, if you sip a lot of coffee and caffeinated sodas throughout the day, you might have trouble sleeping at night — plus caffeine further dehydrates you, requiring you to drink even more water.

December: Practice Moderation During the Holidays

"Exercise at every opportunity," says Schmidt. "Try for all seven days a week because you'll be eating more calories." Her day-of-the-party strategy is to have your regular meals, with a light snack beforehand "to take the edge off so you don't arrive ravenous and ready to eat the furniture." Watch liquid calories, especially sweet drinks like eggnog, which are high in fat. Set a two-glass limit on wine or wine spritzers, and sip a seltzer in between. Remember, alcohol increases triglyceride levels and slows down your metabolism. Focus on enjoying other holiday activities, like caroling, decorating the tree, and dancing, says Apovian.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/diet-nutrition-pictures/12-must-keep-diet-and-nutrition-resolutions.aspx

Down one size, but it's not what you think

2009-12-30T21:41:00.000-05:00

I got some gorgeous earrings for my anniversary (yeah, I know... don't know the story there, especially since we were fighting on our anniversary), and they were so expensive it made me really think about finally gettingg a jewelry rider on our homeowner's insurance. I have an appraisal for the earrings, but the ones I had for our wedding rings are 16 years old, and I have another ring (one of those three-diamond types they typically call the past, present, and future) that I put together from an old engagement ring and two diamonds from his grandmother's old wedding rings which I have no idea the value of. This particular ring, however, was also too big and, especially since it's wintertime here, it tends to twirl all around my finger -- which means I don't wear it now. So I'm getting it re-sized along with the appraisal.

Well, I have on a ring that I've almost never been able to wear since I got it because my fingers were just too big, but lately I am able to wear it. It's on the finger that the three-diamond ring would normally go on (ring finger, right hand). I gave this ring to the girl behind the counter and said I needed the other one sized to this one's size. Omg, ONE WHOLE SIZE. The ring was a 7, and I now need it in a 6. That's a lotta fat in one's finger to go down an entire size. And the thing is, when I was thin, I wore about a 4 1/2 to 5. Maybe one day... :)

Kind of a non-scale victory, but I'll take a small size anywhere in ANYthing. :)

Redefining myself

2009-12-23T21:51:00.000-05:00

I had a good session with Heather last night, though it was a hard one.

I haven't seen her in about a month due to my classes and trying to get everything wrapped up for the semester. The last two weeks of school were brutal -- total stress eating, bad choices, hand-to-mouth, all of it. The bad thing is that since school ended, THEN it was celebrating -- drinking Colorado Bulldogs (very fattening, even for alcohol), ice cream, and chips. The result is certainly no surprise -- a six pound gain. To boot, I wasn't even making time for exercise those last two weeks because I was studying so hard -- the ONLY time I had missed exercise since the first of October.

Obviously she wasn't happy to hear how I had dealt with the stress, reverting to old habits. She was asking me why my grades were so important to me, what was the significance to me and what did it mean to not do well? What drove me? I told her it was odd -- I'm VERY particular and a perfectionist about my school work and my work ethic/product when I'm at a job, but my house looks like hell. Very odd to me, but I guess it's somewhat common, to not be perfectionistic in all aspects of one's life and focus on some areas of importance.

I said I wasn't sure what drove me, what made this area of my life so important to-- and then I stopped dead. I took in a deep breath, let out a "whoa..." and started crying. It hit me like a ton of bricks. When I was a kid, I was told I would never amount to anything. I don't think it was said a lot, but it was enough to make a huge impact on my faith in myself. I think I'm busy trying to prove to myself that that wasn't true, and getting good grades or doing a good job is one way that I help stamp down that inner voice that keeps trying to hold me back and make me doubt myself.

This isn't about trashing the person this came from; it's completely about me unlearning some horrible things that I tell myself and that the deep, dark recesses of my being tend to believe:

You'll never amount to anything
You'll never finish
You're worthless
What makes you so special
Why are you doing this
You can't do it
What are you thinking
You're an idiot/moron/dumb fuck/loser

Whether I've heard all of these things at one time in my life or anther with my physical ears or my mental ones I can't say. The lines have blurred between when some of these may have been said to me and when I took up the mantra myself and let those thoughts seep into the dark recesses of my own psyche. How does one undo something that feels like it's part of their DNA? How does one begin to have faith in themselves, to truly believe in themselves? I mean, I get angry at my own demons, knowing that I'm intelligent and not worthless, that I'm a pretty decent human being overall, but still... it never goes away. The lies that are my demons never get chased off by the angels that are my truths. Why is that? At 44 years of age, will this ever change?

I know it is what has hurt me in the past with weight loss. I still have the dieter mentality even now, feeling success and failure with every pound lost or gained. I define myself based on my accomplishments, whatever they are. I allow society to tell me that my worth is based on how young I am, how I look, how thin I am, how wealthy I am (though the latter doesn't matter so long as I have the first three because I'm a woman)... I mean, how fucked up IS that? Who are they to decide?? Yet they do. They have that power. Somehow, they have that power.

And it doubles up with my own self-doubts and can feel so suffocating sometimes. I sometimes feel like such a fake because what people see is a strong person, somebody with outer strength. But like the zodiac that I am -- Cancer -- I appear hard on the outside but I feel so frail inside. People who don't know me that well can hardly believe it when I share glimpses of the real me, the things that scare me, cripple me, bring me to my knees, incapacitate me. I'm an open book, yet I put up walls. I feel fake, but somehow both personas are me. I used my size for so long to help add to my outer strength, or the appearance of it -- so now what? When I let this go, what then? Do I change? WILL I change? Hell, CAN I change?

It's so hard to believe what affects us for life. What happened happened, but why do we -- hell, why do I -- then choose (and yes, it's a choice of some form) to believe, hang on, and feed that which hurts the most? Will I ever get this right?

My FINAL final is finally finalized!

2009-12-20T17:57:00.000-05:00

Omg, I'm DONE -- for a month, that is. I had my last final on Thursday, and I've been somewhat busy doing stuff I want to do since then. Well, except for today. Today I was shoveling snow. Lots and lots of snow. The photo above is from my neighbor's across our common driveway. I thought it was just SO pretty!

But I have all my grades in now -- two As and three Bs. Not disappointed. Next semester I have signed up for six classes, though. It's only one more credit hour, but one more class. I'm either horribly stupid or brave. Or horribly stupid.

I don't go back until January 19, so I have things I want to get done now. First of all is this HOUSE. Omg, I haven't cleaned since before the semester started. Yes, you read that right. I had so much dog hair clustering on my hardwoods that I was about to just name it and say I have three dogs instead of just two. I figured the easiest thing to do would be to get a leaf blower in here and just blow everything out.

The good news now is maybe I can get back on track with my eating. Holy moly, I don't even want to know how badly I did these last couple weeks. But ever since classes ended, I haven't really been all that hungry, which is good. Tuesday I go in for fluro and possibly a slight re-fill.

Anyway, mama's back for a little bit. I hope to find some really good info to share here with y'all. Welcome to all the new joins! :)

Aaaahhh, sleep, that elusive creature

2009-12-13T02:44:00.001-05:00

I went in on Friday and got a slight unfilill -- about 1cc. Though I wasn't happy about that, the unfill -- along with a perscription for Nexium -- seemed to do the trick last night. I only wish it was longer, since I had to get up about 8:30 in the morning to get up and ready for a final I had at 10:30.

But wow, the sleep was NICE! I had hardly slept since Monday. I had called the doctor's office Friday morning, asking what I should do, and the receptionist asked if I could hold out until Monday because my fill doc was out until then. I almost started crying, and I told her I had hardly slept since Monday. She texted him, and he wanted to come in and help me take care of it. Thursday night/Friday morning's episode had been pretty bad, with me jumping out of bed coughing and sputtering because of the horrendous reflux I experienced. I felt like I was going to drown. I took a THIRD Protonix, only to feel myself refluxing on it (the taste, not the pill itself) later in the morning.

Anyway, sleep was WELL received. I even took a nap today (Saturday) after taking my first of four finals. That felt very good too.

I have an appointment with my doctor on 12/22 (already scheduled) that has now turned into a fluro exam. We'll see how that goes.

Okay, dangit, this is getting old...

2009-12-10T22:42:00.001-05:00

The reflux I was talking about late last week responded to the Protonix my P.A. put me on. And then it stopped. o_O

Friday through Sunday, I slept great. But starting Monday night and since then, I've been having the same exact issue -- even ON the Protonix (twice a day, mind you). Granted, I'm not experiencing the same amount of reflux, but still... it's enough to wake me up numerous times a night. However, it's weird -- it doesn't seem to be as much acid as it seems to be saliva. I'm not sure what that's all about.

I called the office the other day to ask what I should do. They said I could either come in for a slight unfill, or I could simply try to just deal with it until finals are over next week. Since I'm self-pay, it's not really worth it to me to pay for an unfill just to turn around and get another fill later on. I'm already scheduled for the 22nd for a potential slight fill.

I got a new Sleep Number bed the other day (a bed I've been wanting for nearly a dozen years) and I haven't even really been able to fully enjoy it because of the damned reflux. :(

W-w-w-w-ow, w-w-w-w-w-hassat?

2009-12-10T22:28:00.000-05:00

Omg, I get COLD now!! Today was a bit blustery, and all I had on over my tee was a zip-up hoodie. In the past, that would have sufficed, but not today!

So I stopped by the store today to get a new coat. My old ones are 3X, waaaay too big. I got the one at Costco last month, but that was relatively lightweight. I needed something with a bit more bulk. I lucked out and got an XL on clearance for $29.95! It's a tad bit tight, but it'll fit eventually.

But yeah, I get cold now! Whassat?

The 4 Most Fattening Fall Foods

2009-12-06T02:39:00.001-05:00

Good to know, especially the Starbucks info! o_O

Watch Out for These Sneaky Calories!
-- By Sarah Haan, Registered Dietitian

Halloween marks the beginning of a two-month season packed with parties and desserts—now that's scary for anyone who is trying to manage his or her weight. Beyond the fun-size (and therefore calorie-controlled) candies of Halloween, several fall treats are big calorie bombs. Be on the lookout for these surprisingly high-cal foods, which can add up fast if you let your guard down.

Pumpkin Flavored Baked Goods

Pumpkin itself is a healthful food. Plain pumpkin puree contains a dose of vitamin A and fiber for a small amount of calories. But pair it with sugar, cream cheese frosting, shortening and butter and you’ve got a high-cal treat dressed in a healthy-looking orange outfit. Restaurants and coffee shops are the biggest villains, promoting their pumpkin scones, muffins, donuts and breads, which can contain up to 630 calories per serving. Don't let "low-fat" versions trick your either; low-fat is not the same thing as low-calorie. Your best bet is to avoid all of these pumpkin treats, unless you look up the nutrition facts before you bite and decide that it can fit into your day. Homemade treats, frequents at parties and offices, aren't necessarily better either, so be careful!

TRICK: You can bake your own pumpkin treats using less sugar and fat, plus whole-grain goodness. Use a mini muffin tin to help with keep your portions in check and steer clear of these seasonal baked goods!

Hot Seasonal Beverages

Sometimes there is nothing more enjoyable than sipping a hot drink on a crisp fall day. Many coffee joints offer special seasonal beverages during the holidays. While plain coffee is low-cal, seasonal lattes and drinks contain a lot of sugar, and most boast a heavy dose of cream, too. A medium pumpkin spice latte with whole milk is 410 calories at Starbucks, and its competitors don't do much better. As liquid calories do not aid in fullness or satiety, these calories probably are not worth it!

TRICK: Order a small beverage (if you must) and lighten the load by requesting fat free milk and holding any whipped topping. Freshly brewed chai tea can be a great alternative that is virtually calorie-free, but look out for blended drinks that are ready to serve; they often contain cream, syrups and lots of added sugar. Many coffeehouses use a sugar syrup as the base for their chai; ask that yours be made with real tea and no added sugar. Request hot water and a teabag of chai tea (black tea with spices) with some low-fat milk on the side. Watch out for these high-cal hot beverages!

Caramel Apple Anything

Yes, it’s obvious. If you cover a healthy fruit with sugar, it becomes a less healthy choice. Simple caramel apples seem innocent, but they can pack 300 calories onto that little wooden stick. Pop extra sprinkles, candies or nuts onto the outside of the apple and it’ll amp the calorie level even further. It's also good practice to avoid caramel apple desserts and baked goods from most restaurants. Most don't even contain a single serving of fruit and more than their fair share of calories and fat (see chart below).

TRICK: Enjoy your apples by cutting them into wedges and dipping them into low fat caramel dip, fat free vanilla yogurt or peanut butter. The following high-cal treats are far from healthy.

Chocolate Fun Size Candies

They may be teeny-tiny, but at an average of about 100 calories a pop, these popular fun-size treats can really add up! Sure they're smaller than a full size bar and offer built-in portion control, but how often do you stop after just one? It's far too easy to eat four of five "little" candies, thinking you're not doing much damage, but that can easily add up to 400 or 500 calories in a matter of minutes. The bars that hide the most calories are those that contain peanut butter, coconut, chocolate, caramel, and nuts.

TRICK: Start reading fun-size labels before throwing out the package so that you're not eating blindly; these calories do count. Figure out the best choice for you and stick with that particular treat. Fun-size peppermint patties and Twizzlers have about half of the calories of the average chocolate bar but keep in mind these can still add up! Here are 11 fun-size treats that all contain 100 calories or fewer.

The most important thing to remember during the fall season is to think before you bite. Don't make excuses about desserts or baked treats being "healthful" just because apple or pumpkin is in the name, and monitor your intake of tiny-size treats, which can easily add up to BIG numbers of calories. Think about what these seasonal treats are doing for your body and put your label reading skills to work and stay in control of your choices.

*Sources of Nutrition Facts

All calorie information, with the exception of Cheesecake Factory, came from respective restaurant and food manufacturer websites on October 20, 2009. All Cheesecake Factory calorie counts courtesy of CalorieLab.com, which posted scanned menus from a Washington state Cheesecake Factory, where restaurants must provide calorie counts by law. Total fat and sugars were not available. No nutrition facts are currently available on the Cheesecake Factory website.

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_articles.asp?id=1400

5 Tips to Break Sugar Addiction

2009-12-06T02:13:00.001-05:00

Okay, if you're not able (or willing) to do the Five Day Pouch Test, I found this article in Everyday Health to help break sugar addiction. I was personally a bit surprised by number three! o_O

If you’re an American, there’s a good chance that you need to break a sugar addiction. From the time we’re children, processed sugar is constantly marketed to us. From Honey Comb to Hershey bars to a litany of carbonated beverages (the highest-grossing "food" sold in America), we spend our lives sucking saccharides in over-abundance.

Now, millions of us suffer from a variety of problems related to eating too much sugar, including obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.

So, how do you break sugar addiction? Here are five tips to get you started.

1. Quit eating high-fructose corn syrup. Start checking nutrition labels and you’ll notice that a huge swath of what we eat has high-fructose corn syrup in it, especially sweets and junk foods. But you might think you have a healthy diet and still have a sugar addiction because you regularly eat yogurt, ketchup, granola and meal-replacement bars, and salad dressings – many of which contain high-fructose corn syrup. Despite piles of data explaining how dangerous this stuff is, profiteering food manufacturers continue to defend their use of it.

2. Eat natural sugars. Quit dumping white sugar into your recipes, coffee, tea, and cereal. If you must sweeten something, use honey or turbinado sugar (sold as Sugar in the Raw). Avoid brown sugar, as it’s often just white sugar with molasses added. While your food might, at first, seem bland, after a few weeks you’ll notice that lots of things are much sweeter than you knew, including grains, fruits, and milk. After a few months, you won’t miss refined sugar at all, and you’ll be able to tell that soda pop is nasty, syrupy goop.

3. Quit eating artificial sweeteners. At UC San Diego, researchers found that Splenda fires up the same neural pathways as sugar. Psychiatrist Guido Frank then told The Scientific American, "Splenda has less of a feedback mechanism to stop the craving to get satisfied." Which, to Frank, means it keeps you craving sugar. Again, if you really need to sweeten something, use natural sugars, and sparingly.

4. Eat plenty of fiber. Soluble fiber helps stabilize blood sugar – preventing sugar crashes and the cravings that inevitably follow. Soluble fiber can be found in fiber-rich foods like oatmeal, beans, fruits, and vegetables. I’ve found that beating sugar crashes is its own health benefit, as you escape the hunger, depression, and lack of energy that come with them. It also breaks the sugar addict’s cycle of refueling every couple hours with more sugar. Not to mention, fiber helps you feel full.

5. Wait out the cravings. Assuming you’re eating healthy foods in healthy amounts on a regular basis throughout the day, you should be able to out-wait sugar cravings as they arise. Like any food cravings, sugar cravings pass pretty quickly. If you’re starving yourself to lose weight, rather than eating properly, it’ll be much harder not to cave to sugar cravings. Here are some healthier desserts to satisfy your sweet tooth.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/blogs/workoutandloseweight/5-tips-to-break-sugar-addiction?xid=nl_EverydayHealthDietandNutrition_20091203

Cutting Calories: How Low Should You Go?

2009-12-05T02:24:00.000-05:00

The more and more I think about it, I seriously think this is what happens to those of us with a band. Let's face it, we are having our food and calorie intake restricted. When that happens too much, I think our metabolisms stall out. Here is what Everyday Health has to say about it:

Can Eating Too Few Calories Stall Your Metabolism?
Learn why cutting out too many calories can keep you from losing weight.

By Krisha McCoy, MS
Medically reviewed by Christine Wilmsen Craig, MD

If you're like most people who want to lose weight, you want to lose it fast. So you may be tempted to make drastic changes in your diet to dramatically reduce the number of calories you consume. But what you may not know is that eating too few calories can actually backfire and sabotage your weight-loss efforts.

"It would make sense to stop eating [when you are trying to lose weight], but it actually works in the opposite way," says Kimberly Lummus, MS, RD, Texas Dietetic Association media representative and public relations coordinator at the Austin Dietetic Association in Austin, Texas.

Calories and Your Health

The most effective way to lose weight is to consume fewer calories than you expend, creating a calorie deficit. But if your calorie intake dips too low, says Lummus, your body could go into starvation mode. "Your body will start to store fat because it thinks it is not going to get anything," says Lummus. "You will be at a point where your body is kind of at a standstill."

Lummus says that when your body goes into starvation mode, your metabolism slows to a crawl, burning calories as slowly as possible to conserve its energy stores. This is why people who cut their calories too much may reach a plateau and stop losing weight.

Eating too few calories can be the start of a vicious cycle that causes diet distress. When you cut your calories so low that your metabolism slows and you stop losing weight, you probably will become frustrated that your efforts are not paying off. This can lead you to overeat and ultimately gain weight.

"It is so hard to sustain cutting calories and eating too little. What typically happens is that the person will go in the opposite direction; they will just become too hungry and go into a binging mode," says Lummus. "Because you are getting frustrated by not seeing any weight loss, you just sort of throw in the towel."

In addition to sabotaging your weight-loss efforts, eating too few calories can also harm your health. When your body goes into starvation mode, you are at increased risk for the following:

Abnormally low blood pressure and slow heart rate
Heart rhythm abnormalities
Electrolyte imbalances, especially potassium deficiency
Gallstones
Hair loss
Brittle fingernails
Loss of menstrual periods in women
Soft hair growth over entire body
Dizziness
Trouble concentrating
Anemia
Swelling in your joints
Brittle bones
Depression

Coming to Terms With Calories

Remember that calories are not your enemy. They are a vital part of a healthy and energetic life. "Your body needs a certain amount of calories just to sustain proper function," says Lummus. This is why fad diets that force you to cut out too many calories leave you feeling lethargic, shaky, and ready to give up.

Instead of opting for a fad diet, find a reasonable eating and exercise plan that allows you to lose one-half to two pounds per week. There is evidence that people who lose weight at this rate — by making better nutrition choices, eating smaller portion sizes, and exercising — also have the best chance of keeping it off. Make a plan to adopt new healthful habits that you will be able to stick to indefinitely, and always allow yourself a little wiggle room for special occasions.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/weight/fewer-calories-stalls-metabolism.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthDietandNutrition_20091204